Words of the Day for May 2026
People leave us lovely words in the amusingly named dick, along with short, factual and concise definitions. No really. Here's this month's words so far...
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Swan
Can break your arm with their wing. A fact that everyone ever seems to know, but do you know anyone who has ever had their arm broken by a swan’s wing? Do you? No? I thought as much.
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Reading
A place that everyone has heard of, but no-one can point out on a map
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Farscape
An utterly silly but really rather good sci-fi series from a couple of years ago. Staring the lovely Ben Browder and Claudia Black.
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Shaina Twain
An excellent addition to my CD collection; move over Madonna!
Yes, I believe she is, Gaz.
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Sixpence/Half-a-Crown
A Phrase my father uses when his anal ring goes into spasm
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Monsters
Scary muthafucka things that hide in wardrobes and under beds.
Sunday May 31st, 2026
ajax
Mythical Greek warrior god, hero at battle of Troy, who became jealous after missing out on Achiles’ prized armour, went mad (something to do with cows), and killed himself.
Sunday May 31st, 2026
Gymnos
club for men who like to swim naked. sexuality not important, a nudist club. Frequented by members of OUT on Saturdays and Mondays in different pools.
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Limerick
There was a young maiden from Clare
Who heaved up her breasts on a dare
Her corset that night
Was excedingly tight
But I’m gay, so I don’t really care
Saturday May 30th, 2026
veganism
The art of eating only mung beans and scones without cream. And scones.
Vegans can have explosive wind. I suspect TJ is a closet vegan
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Alan Parker
Top director. Directed films such as:
The Wall, Birdy, Evita, Mississippi Burning, The Commitments, The Road to Wellville.
Prior to moving into film, Alan was noted as one of London’s most talented advertising copywriters. He worked for the Collet Dickinson Pearce (CDP) ad agency in the 1960’s and early 1970’s, and began directing his own tvc scripts in their basement. Formed a partnership with David Puttnam as his producer (Puttnam had been a photographers agent), and left CDP to become a full time director of commercials before moving onto features. – IMDB
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Citizens Advice
85 bureaux in London and around 750 across the UK. Can’t get through on the telephone? Well they are charities and the advice is free, staffed by volunteers and funded out of your Council Tax by your local authority who keep chopping their grants budgets.
Advice available on line. OR go and volunteer!
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Gregg Araki
Deeply cool director responsible for, amongst other things, Totally F***ed up and Mysterious Skin
Saturday May 30th, 2026
typing
The thing that makes freakcity work. It’s really quite a clever invention which Scott, its inventor, feels could help the human race. Now if only Scott could find a way of stopping the aubergine going off so quick...
Saturday May 30th, 2026
theElusivePossum
A creature one would be lucky to see, hence “elusive”. See also “Hide the Sausage”. I’m smashed right now – Happy Birthday ß moi.
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Kermit’s Mouth
Slang for the shallow hinged flap of scrotum and nerve endings surgeons approximate for a vagina in male to female transsexuals. Sex with such an organ is said to be akin to ‘pushing your foot into a shoe which has had the toe stuffed with paper’.
Saturday May 30th, 2026
Point Pleasant
Co-created by Marti Noxon of Buffy fame – bizarre story about the daughter of the devil washed up on a beach in Point Pleasant, NJ
Saturday May 30th, 2026
darjeeling
What Australian drivers from West London do when the A40’s chocka. They “dodge Ealing.” (Aussie accent required)
Saturday May 30th, 2026
life
1) The act of being alive
2) Doing things, "Haveing a life"
Friday May 29th, 2026
owen
Pervert. Usually behaves unless left near gin for too long. Often seen naked in public but quite harmless (unless left near gin too long 
)
We love him though 
Friday May 29th, 2026
NatWest
"The clocks go back on Sunday. All of our ATMs will be out of service whilst our crack team of engineers race around the country in special cars to reset all their internal, state-of-the-art, digital watches..."
Friday May 29th, 2026
Brian Haw
All round groovy guy who Scott met at the demos against the Iraq War in 2003
When he started in June 2001, Mr Haw, a father of seven from Worchestershire, had only a few signs bearing the names of young children who had died as a result of economic sanctions on Iraq. He supplemented these with carefully painted banners pointing out to both the politicians and the public the huge suffering that the sanctions policy, supported by the UK government supported, inflicted on the people of Iraq.
Over the months, people began to visit him and bring placards they themselves had made. With the events of 11 September 2001 and the declaration of the ‘war on terrorism’, Brian’s protest grew in size and reputation. He has had numerous visitors from all over the world, many leaving placards with messages of peace, helping to create what is now a powerful display which challenges the government’s foreign policy. The international media have broadcast his message around the world in documentaries, news reports and interviews.
In October 2002 he won a major legal victory when the High Court refused to grant an injunction to Westminster Council to remove him from Parliament Square. The judge ruled that Mr Haw was exercising his right to freedom of speech and the pavement obstruction was not unreasonable.
Mr Haw said, "I have had the people of the world on this pavement. Peace is more popular than Parliament."
He added "Contrary to the hopes of the government that protest will end now that the war on Iraq is said to be over, I will not go away. Its not over for people in Iraq – thousands more of the people are now dead and the occupiers are still there. I feel so incensed – we are talking about dropping bombs on people, on murdering people. Its not enough to say we don’t mean to – it doesn’t make it alright. And the murderers are allowed to profit from
their crimes. How can humanity, the world, allow this blatant smash and grab?
"They went ahead no matter how much people protested and we are now being asked to just accept it. I can’t accept it. Here is a picture of a little girl with the back of her head blown off. All you have to do is put yourself in the place of this girl’s parents. They will never thank us for ‘liberating’ them. And now we have ‘saved’ them, we are selling them water."
For more information contact:
Emma Sangster on emma@drifting.demon.co.uk
Brian Haw can be visited in Parliament Square at any time.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Echelon
A strange beast that has a snail for a mother and a chameleon for a father
Not to be confused with the Lesser-spotted Bidet
Friday May 29th, 2026
Alien babies
Babies, from aliens... they tend to pop out of your chest and make cute squealing noises until you fall on the floor like a dead thing.
Friday May 29th, 2026
HIGNFY
Have I Got News For You. Comedy, satire, “fuck me” shoes and far too much Boris Johnson. What’s not to love?
Friday May 29th, 2026
decunted
or deacon-ted in wales where people are just strange.
The word to express that awful feeling one gets after a long nap under the ralisation that having not slept the night before. you had been a cunt all day long to everyone. Much grovelling usually ensues at this point and once reunited with friends, you can officially say that you have been decunted.
nothing to do with being cunted though, thats for silly people who take drugs and shag gnomes.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Lennymonster
bass playing, vinal spinning, earphone wearing, fiat driving, robinsons fruit barley drinking, chav lovin’... LENNYMONSTER!!!
Friday May 29th, 2026
Big Finish
waiting for him to explode cum inside you.. sadly often a real anti climax
Friday May 29th, 2026
Firewall
Something, usually a dedicated device, that sits on the cable between you and the evil Interweb and stops nasty packetses from getting to your machine.
Compare with Packet Filter, a piece of software you bought (*cough* illegally stole) that claims to be a “Firewall” but really sits on your machine and tries to stop Windows noticing the nasty packetses.
Friday May 29th, 2026
chocolate
the friend of women everywhere...
"I’ve got the painter in.. buy me a large sized Fruit & Nut"
Friday May 29th, 2026
Kitten-on-a-stick
Evil and cruel. Penalty for BBQ kittens on sticks is instant death.
Friday May 29th, 2026
spiders
Scary as fuck. Look at them, they’re evil little bastards!
Friday May 29th, 2026
Papaya
also know as a Paw Paw.
The juice of one slows down a dose of the shits.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Fox
Lawrence Fox. Latest in a long line of acting Foxes. Has a very appealing shower scene in the film /The Hole/
Friday May 29th, 2026
IQ
Status to show how smart you are. Or something. 100 being average, 200 being Einsiten. I have 75.... thats bad right?
pages.videotron.com/knox/2004election.jpg
Friday May 29th, 2026
brew up
To harbour anal feculance for time until noxiousness can no longer be contained
Friday May 29th, 2026
Popstarz
Uber cool gay indie club where all the cute little indie boyz hang out in their t-shirts and ties.
Run by the fantastic Mr. Hobart (well, I’ve never actually spoken to him but I am sure he must be fantastic to have come up with a club night as good as this).
Er...did I mention that its fantastic?
Friday May 29th, 2026
Metro
A rust bucket that should have never left the production line, some alas, still on the road.
Friday May 29th, 2026
choke the chicken
To wring the neck of some annoying young gay man
Friday May 29th, 2026
drunktards
The kind of person who goes out with you for a drink and as the night progresses you realise that the evening to them is more about an excuse to have a drink than your company. Is that harsh? 
Friday May 29th, 2026
Brussel sprouts
Also known as ’The Devil’s Own Vegetable’. Green things boiled to mush and served up as something you can eat – I mean c’mon!!!
Friday May 29th, 2026
vanilla
From Spanish vainilla, diminutive of vaina, from Latin vagina.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Horticulturalist
You can take a whore to culture but you can’t make her think- Dorothy Parker
Friday May 29th, 2026
yope
For when you’re not sure if you should say “yes” or “no”.
“Do you love my new shoes?”
“Uh. Yope?”
Friday May 29th, 2026
dogging
When straight people found what gay guys were upto. They’ll be tea-bagging next.
Friday May 29th, 2026
ecstasy
Powerful psychadelic drug favoured by clubbers. It is vitally important you avoid using this drug in G-A-Y, else you may end up having a potent spiritual experience involving Rick Astley.
In common with all hallucinogenics, long-term use of ecstasy won’t make you addicted, but it will make you very dull.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Daily Nail
Like the Daily Mail but it knows it’s a load of dren.
Friday May 29th, 2026
Blossom
Half hour american comedy tv show broadcast from 1991 to 1995. Notable for having a young horse in the lead role.
Friday May 29th, 2026
lady grey tea
Beware of middle-aged women bearing Lady Grey in Islington supermarkets.
Friday May 29th, 2026
DIY
A pastime responsible for the creation of widows and orphans across the nation. *I’m a fully un-qualified electrician. If you need your plugs or lights doing – I’m your man*
Friday May 29th, 2026
Conversationalists
The longest anagram in the English language
Friday May 29th, 2026
Buckingham
A small town with a large bypass.
Never managed to actually to get into it
I don’t think I’m missing much
Friday May 29th, 2026
Tim Minear
Wrote for Angel and Firefly. Then went off to create Wonderfalls, an amazingly cool show which was predictably cancelled after less than a whole season
Thursday May 28th, 2026
thinking
The ability to consider and examine one’s environment and self, and articulate a rational, sound and appropriate response. See ‘Prince Philip’ for contrary example.
Thursday May 28th, 2026
RFQS
Reduced For Quick Sale.
Scott’s Somerfield has an interesting concept in stock control. Order too much of everything, then sell half of it reduced. Makes for interesting eating
Thursday May 28th, 2026
Internet, Stabbed in the face over the
“Stabbed in the face over the internet”
A term of endearment used lovingly by the Deev towards many a computer company world wide. Originally believed to come from some site called www.bash.org. And not from stuii at all.
"<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i’m going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet"
Thursday May 28th, 2026
Cannabis
No idea, not a clue, never heard of the stuff, m’lud.
Thursday May 28th, 2026
St. Albans
Some place I stopped off at on a coach to be sick. I remember it had nice houses tho.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
blue curaco
bloody delcious blue liquor which i import in the dozens from spain
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
wendys
A north american fast food chain who specialise in burgers.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
G-A-Y Bar
The only bar I’ve ever been to which had a queue to get in.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
fanny batter
Crusty remains of woman juices surrounding the vag after a very heavy sesh. Not to be eaten with chips.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Libretto
Small laptop invented by Toshiba in the 1990s. Ickle cute things with 640x480 and then 800x480 screens, tiny amounts of ram and baby ickle hard drives. Designed to run Windows 95 and about the size of a book. Scott’s one lives in his bookshelf.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
cop
Verb. 1. To commune with someone sexually desirable, occasionally in so much as having sex. An abbreviation of ‘cop off.’
2. To take. E.g."Cop hold of this hammer whilst I get the spanner." Also Cop this! – a facetious remark said immediately prior to an aggressive act.
3. A policeman/woman. Abb. of ‘copper’. [Mid 1800s/Orig. U.S.]
Adj. Value, worth. Heard in expressions such as ‘no cop’ or ‘any cop’.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
naked
Her eyes melted when she tried to undress you with them.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Taxi Driver’s Stop-Line
The pedestrian crossing 8ft in front of traffic lights where taxi drivers think they should stop on red.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
license
For use on the internet. To prove that you can drive a web browser and participate in online_forums without threatening to beat up everyone else taking the piss out of your obviously lame ideas
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Wrist Watch
Nighttime vigil in a particularly strict monastery
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Computing
I have no idea.
Some company that I work for pays money into my bank account, and apparently this is because I work there.
I won’t mention it too often. They might stop paying me this money.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Q
always leftover on rack after a game of Scrabble... grrr!
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
jam
Twisted comedy series from the warped brain of Chris Morris – and therefore rather mirthsome.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
L S Lowry
Not to be confused with Lowri Turner, the homophobic television presenter who just seems to have been in the public’s eye since the beginning of the 20th Century.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Mottram-in-Longdendale
Lowry lived there for a while. he found it depressing
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Alcohlexia
The utter failure to be able to type on a forum after a couple of gins. As yet, no real means of translation unless you know the offender personally and can pester them during their crushing hangover as to what it meant.
SEE: www.freakcity.net/quotes.asp?quote=1042
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Lesbians
As Queen Victoria correctly pointed out, there is of course no such thing as a lesbian.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Donnie Darko
Really interesting film, and made all the better coz I had to explain what happens to a 3rd year Media student who had seen it 3 times before!
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Pointillism
Pointless Pixelated Painting
Exercised by Georges Seurat, amongst others.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Midlands
Or like to be called both, depending on whom they’re talking to.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
Computing
Strange weekly magazine.
Used to be about 3 different magazines mostly funded by Job ads. Then all the jobs went away and they all merged into one magazine called Computing.
It’s very thin these days, and dull, seems to consist mostly of public sector computing project cock-ups.
In order to qualify to receive it, you have to complete a seemingly endless series of questions. I just lied and put down that I have command of a 7 million a year budget on printer toner and that seemed to work.
Wednesday May 27th, 2026
retro
Funky lil’ boozer for misfits. Location: 2 George Court, London – just off the Strand past Charing Cross. One of the licensees would be Wendy Has an upstairs bit too. Wednesday night is Kareoke: can be quite amusing.
Tuesday May 26th, 2026
Dope
Class C hallucinogen with varying degrees of potency, with a wide range of effects, many of which include laughter-induced incapacity and the occasional generation of truly hilarious insights – which are generally lost amidst the vast amount of crap which is also spouted.
While not terribly addictive, excessive dope use can – unfortunately – make you watch QVC in the mistaken belief that it’s a form of brilliant yet surreal comedy.
Monday May 25th, 2026
camp queens
A nice place to visit if you just happen to be carrying a tent in the middle of New York
Monday May 25th, 2026
Brokeback Mountain
A film which everybody likes despite being about two guys in love
Monday May 25th, 2026
Antidisestablishmentarianism
The philosophy of being against sepperating the powers of the Church and the State
Monday May 25th, 2026
cyberpunk
Noun. A nonconformist advocate of modern technology, especially such a user of the Internet.
Monday May 25th, 2026
Tanqueray
I am the one and only, nobody I’d rather be. I am the one and only, you can’t take that away from me.
Oh yes.
Monday May 25th, 2026
elf
’elf.
The ’elf (as in National ’elf)
National institution devoted to the sick and dying, manned (sorry personned) by a few Doctors and Nurses and a vast army of Bureaucrats.
Monday May 25th, 2026
Undermilkwood
A play that’s very odd by Dylan Thomas. Now theres lovely!
Monday May 25th, 2026
Photographer
former ID of OUT event organiser Jason E, now left OUT. Have had my photographic style called “Post Modern Readers Wives” – make of that what you will, but I enjoy it and I love seeing my purple wall over the ’net.
Monday May 25th, 2026
body modification
the habit of poking bits of metal through yourself mostly
Monday May 25th, 2026
Web
Network of highly extensible protein threads (stronger than steel) produced by spiders, tends to affect the lifespan of the house fly.
Monday May 25th, 2026
Q
A damn fine radio station which plays all the best choons!
Monday May 25th, 2026
Gin (with tonic
“little top up”.
"That’ll keep the mosquitos at bay there"
Monday May 25th, 2026
Spod
The best word to use to refer coloquially to a “potato” if your “u” key’s broken
Monday May 25th, 2026
Subgenius
The greatest religion ever revealed or the greatest joke ever told or both, or something else.
’... and so the Skull farmer threw the dead prarie squid out the window and said "If that’s your Johnson rod then what’s in the refridgerator?"’
Monday May 25th, 2026
mums
When you’re not feeling too well, no matter how old you are, or how much you think you’ve outgrown it, your mum is always there to cook you up some nice dinner and get you a rate nice cup o’ coffee to cheer you up.
And why is it that you can never put on pillow cases or quilt covers as well as your mum?
I think that until the day I die I will still not be able to put on a pillow case without the pillow falling out of it after a few hours. And whenever I put my duvet in a fresh cover it seems to have migrated over to one side of it within minutes.
But when mums do it they have magic staying power. They can go for days without a sign of movement and still have that fresh-bedding feel. It’s some sort of mystical mum-power or something.
Mums are great.
Monday May 25th, 2026
schism
Bit of a catchy situation whereby groups of opposing factions divide. Great Schism occurred between the Catholic Church in the 1300s, where at one point there were 3 concurrent Popes.
Monday May 25th, 2026
Melissa
16 year old girl in Texas whom you’ll want to talk to... really active likes having fun fun fun.... ADRENALINE IS HER MIDDLE NAME
Monday May 25th, 2026
dick
That rigid thing between your gaydar shags legs that is a substantial improvement on your boyfriends dangly one.
Monday May 25th, 2026
Doritos
Fake crisps. Inedible uncheesy toe-nail clippings.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Canteloupe
big melons.. *titters in a Babara Windsor in Carry on Stylee!*
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Oxmoron
Student at Oxford University who punts, has ££££’s worth of inheritance but generaly knows very little.
Think Timothy Twizzleton Twonk.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
OJ
Orange Juice. The drink of the gods (or something. I blame Lloyd)
Sunday May 24th, 2026
chocolate
fabulous confection, most likely to be found in my fridge, or in my desk at work. Not likely to last long
Sunday May 24th, 2026
paganism
The definition of Paganism is regularly debated about by Pagans themselves.
No-one is really quite sure what Paganism actually is.
Broadly speaking, any non-christian, non-jew, non-muslim religious practise, although it is especially used to describe Earth-based matriarchal practises.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Fluffy
Like clouds on a summers day, or cotton wool, or someone who is lovely and generally nice
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Kylie
Evil pop pixie sent to plague the people of Earth with awful rehashed pop crap
Sunday May 24th, 2026
barbican
short for Barbican Arts Centre, Silk Street, London near Moorgate. Jason organises events at the Barbican mostly cinema outings. If you ever need to find me – try the Waterside Cafe – I’m usually sat outside whatever the weather enjoying some peace and quiet.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Tidying my room
Euphamism for Shaking coconuts off of the veiny love tree
Sunday May 24th, 2026
eggy
The Religion of the Impossibly Stupid. These legions loyal to the God Eggus and the Holy Prophet St. Cadbury are alleged to share just one brain cell between them. (Although this is under debate as many single celled organisms which, when subjected to study have shown themselves to be vastly more intelligent). It is not known where this religion found it’s routes, but we all live in hope that someday a cure can be found for the debilitating stupidity that their form of worship brings on.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
blue curaco
Nasty evil sticky substance that takes days to get off your skin when you host a Blues Brothers themed party at Fifer’s Lane residences.
And it’s Blue curaþao dammit. 
Sunday May 24th, 2026
siocled
Welsh for chocolate, used a lot by Owen because he has to concentrate on how to spell it in English
Sunday May 24th, 2026
orlando bloom(ing lovely
he wore my shoes out once when he was at our flat
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Fruitbat
a rather disgusting (but strangely appealing) creature easily recognised by a musky aroma around it’s fingers.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
doncaster
The birth place of John Parr, the guy who had a hit with ’St. Elmo’s Fire’ in 1985.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
bonkle
Of plumbing in old hotels, to make loud and unexplained noises in the night, particularly at about five o’clock in the morning.
Sunday May 24th, 2026
wendy
The branch of Taylor Woodrow that builds colourful houses for children
Sunday May 24th, 2026
Work
*looks around*
Hey don’t ask me, I don’t know, ask him! *points at Scott*
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
ninjas
Ninja Monks will keep law and order after the anarchist revolution.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
cheap fags
Gay guys who do ANYTHING.. for a very low price
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Foo Foo
Get a dishtowel (or any kind of small towel) and a latex glove (the thin kind surgeons use, which can be found in many drug stores or hardware stores). Cut a hole in one of the fingers of the glove. Place the glove at the end of the towel on the side edge, and roll up the towel ù snug, but not tight. Stretch the opening of the glove around the towel to stabilize it, and put some sort of lube into it. Then thrust into it. To clean up, all you have to do is discard the glove ù but be sure to have plenty of extras, because you will love it! Reader improvement: Add 10 or 20 rubber bands on the towel at various parts, especially the entrance of the opening. It makes it tighter and feels a lot better and more realistic.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
spiders
scary looking invertebrates with eight legs, lots of eyes and just a fuckin’ creepy shitty look about them AAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHH
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
cock
Noun. 1. The penis. [1400s]
2. A term of address, usually affectionate. E.g."Right cock, that’ll be 46 pence please. Would you like it in a bag?"
3. Rubbish, nonsense.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Swansea
A rather nice city only famous for closed coal mines, the place where the M4 ends and where your driving licence goes to die
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
CTRL
that funny button on the keyboard that makes you do wonderful things and the push of a button.....and another button
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Mums
"...cordon rouge champagne... that’s far to good to waste on launching a silly old ship"
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Oyster card
Touch-card set to replace normal travelcards on the london underground. With train tickets priced at last year’s prices.
Hightly proven to casue fits of joy to its First users
“wow... Lloyd you have to try this! It’s better than sex!” – unnamed gay guy
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Milton Keynes
Place where I live right now that no one should ever come to as its a housing estate around a shopping centre! If you havent been before you’re not missing much, if you have then please join my support group and meet fellow MK Victims.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Cheese Toastie
One of the nicest and easiest to make foods on the planet.
Apply butter to two slices of bread. Slice/grate cheese onto one and sandwich them together. Grill for a few minutes (works well o na George Forman grill).
Really good with a dollop of ketchup on the plate to dunk in. Or moyannaise. But not both.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Sunday
Easy like Sunday mooooorrrnnniiiinngggg yeaaaahhhhh!
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Shaina Twain
An imposter to the real music star SHANIA TWAIN.
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
you people
Anyone who isn’t Scott. Usually used by him to take the piss somewhat in a way that he doesn’t entirely mean
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Wogan
Brought out annually to take the piss out of the Eurovision Song Contest
See Eurovision Song Contest
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
Sunday
Every day is like Sunday. Every day is silent and grey, in the seaside town that they forgot to pull down, come armaggedon, come armageddon, come...
Well...I did used to spend every summer in Southend 
Saturday May 23rd, 2026
dune
Usually found before the word Buggy.....apart from when in context of young mothers
Friday May 22nd, 2026
Llama
Woolly long-necked South American mammal, make great pets and look fab in a tutu. Very talented on rollerskates too, so I hear.
Friday May 22nd, 2026
barenboim
Daniel. Genius who can weave music and politics, AND get to talk about it on prime-time Radio 4. Oh, and he’s a fab musician too.
Friday May 22nd, 2026
furry
Filthy people who yiff each other night and day whilst under the mistaken impression that wearing a stupid bear suit makes them a bear.
Friday May 22nd, 2026
botch
Verb. 1. To build or repair in a makeshift manner.
2. To do something badly.
Noun. 1. A makeshift construction or repair.
2. A thing done badly.
* All the meanings and uses of ‘botch’ are informal. Cf. ‘bodge’.
Thursday May 21st, 2026
scareglow
Evil version of skeletor from He-man toy series. He glows in the dark!
Thursday May 21st, 2026
Adam Baldwin
Not nearly as sexy as Sean Maher... but a bloody great actor. Compare the coarse, unrefined Jane in Firefly with the suave, elegant Hamilton in Angel – I had to constantly remind myself they were played by one and the same bloke!
Thursday May 21st, 2026
MusicMatch
MusicMatch Jukebox is one of the best media players around offering loads of features that others dont. AutoDJ, 800,000 song shop, mp3pro, skins, music library, portable device support, etc. Doesn’t yet support Ogg tho 
Scott’s fave (apart from Winamp 5 )
Thursday May 21st, 2026
Showgirls
Fantastic comedy about strippers and their life in the hellhole of Las Vegas. (Play the Showgirls drinking game by drinking every time Gina Gershon says Darlin’ – it’s a great way to get very very drunk.) Pure trash as only the wonderful Paul Verhoeven can do it.
Thursday May 21st, 2026
Jaffa Cakes
Lovely orangey cakes made by someone. I prefer Morrissons own anyway.
Thursday May 21st, 2026
Software Upgrade
Take old bugs and holes out put new bugs and holes in
Thursday May 21st, 2026
Imperial Gunpowder
This tea comes from either China or Indonesia. It has a light, refreshing taste and a sweet aroma. Imperial Gunpowder is so called because the freshly plucked tea leaves are hand rolled in steel pans over an open fire. As the leaves are rolled they are shaped into tiny pellets or ôshotsö that ôexplodeö when boiling water is poured over them.
Thursday May 21st, 2026
lady grey tea
The liquid that poured from Lady Jane Grey’s neck after she was beheaded
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
Gin (with tonic
Whilst I can’t knock the G&T and find said delicious I think I should warn that to be protected from malaria by the quinine in a G&T one needs to drink enough to incurr liver failure. At least if you mix your G&Ts properly
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
online forum
Many many of these exist on the interwebnet. The first true types of online internet forums were the newsgroups (unless you count BBs, which were sorta almost the right things). Most forums last a little while and then explode in flames over the silliest of things. This hasn’t happened to Freakcity. Yet.
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
Munter
A woman of such hidious physical apperance that one would rather scour ones eyes out than snatch a glimps of her. So deformed and devoid of any attractive atributes that to beat her to death with her own shoes would be an act of mercy and deemable of a sainthood... You are what you eat, and munters have eaten all the ugly people they could find!
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
sandra
A Blue, dented 206 motorcar owned by the infamous cynds in the 00’s
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
photography
The art of being able to make strange people look at least remotely pretty and not camp at all.
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
Coventry
Also has a *fantastic* ring road. Much amusement is had watching non-locals try to drive on it and promptly shit themselves when they realise the junctions are 3ft apart.
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
Big Brother
A collection of the most pointless waste of skin ever
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
LOL
Uninspiring comment generally used by illiterate 12 year-olds at the end of every sentence.
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
hur
Apparantly a show of amusement used on IRC, something less than a “lol”.
Tuesday May 19th, 2026
Faeces 8472
A particularly stubborn bottom dropping that resists any biological, chemical or technological means of ridding it from the toilet bowl
Monday May 18th, 2026
pull
Verb. 1. To seduce a desirable person, to sexually attract someone. Also commonly heard in the male expression pull a bird meaning to attract a female. E.g."I pulled this gorgeous student at the Union bar."
2. To arrest. E.g."Yeah, I was pulled climbing out of the rear window of the bank and carrying £40,000 in cash." {Informal}
Monday May 18th, 2026
Limerick
There once was a nice bloke named Scott,
Who liked having sex in the bott,
He met a young Possom,
Who told him to toss him,
And now what a great guy he’s got! 
Monday May 18th, 2026
Liz Copper
Blonde woman with disturbingly intense eyes who reports news from Staffordshire for BBC Midlands Today. Frequently relegated to the wacky “And Finally” spot after the Sport due to a total lack of news from "The Creative County"
Monday May 18th, 2026
massage
The art of caressing someone on the inside of their thighs when they are face down on their bed and watching them turn to putty.......
Monday May 18th, 2026
Corrie
An amazing soap opera set up North. Oh it’s grand. And has a cat miaowing in its opening titles.
Fucking A.
Monday May 18th, 2026
Cakes
or walk to Tesco and go to CAKE section and buy a huge box and save the electricity, the flour, the eggs etc and get clubcard points
Monday May 18th, 2026
Aston Villa
Yay the best football team of the 90s
The 1890’s that is
Monday May 18th, 2026
b3ta
“We love the web” screams it’s headline. Well, if you loved it so much you’d not peddle so much FILTH AND DEPRAVITY on it
Monday May 18th, 2026
Private
Film from director Saverio Costanzo about a Palestinian family who live normal (ish) lives in a house between a settlement and a refugee camp that are turned upside down when the Israeli army occupies the house. Shocking, the ending was unexpected, very good.
Monday May 18th, 2026
Requiem for a Dream
Scott’s favourite film of all time.
Taken from Hubert Selby Jr’s book of the same name, it charts the dreams of four individuals whose lives intertwine in a gorgeous, deeply touching, sometimes horrific story that leaves you longing for human company and speechless the first time you see it. Amazing direction by Darren Aronofsky and absolutely stunning acting from the cast which includes amongst others Jennifer Connelly and Ellen Burstyn – def worth watching.
Website kinda gets across the feel of the film, go have a play if you have flash installed and a soundcard
Sunday May 17th, 2026
Fox
American network that fucks around with, and then prematurely cancels, really good TV shows
Saturday May 16th, 2026
reading
Something people do. Often on the forums. Usually before typing
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Seabears
An imaginary creature that haunts the sandy beaches of the Canary Islands. They forage during the evening hours on Chavvy tourists and takes them back to their rocky lair and play tunes on their bones.
Commonly used in the phrase “I’m having a Seabears moment” when realising a slip of the tongue – can be interchanged with “blonde” or “senior”, but “seabears” is far far better
Saturday May 16th, 2026
stately homes
Slow moving old people.
Example useage: “I was walking down the pavement innit when my strides got messed up coz I had to walk around dem stately homes be-atch”
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Jace
short for Jason aka photographer. Barbican Cinema events organiser and Citizens Advice worker
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Wardrobe
not to be mistaken with Garderobe, which is an old toliet in a castle or said old building.
Saturday May 16th, 2026
cabbage
Good dietary fibre, full of vitamins and minerals, makes you fart. Cooking tip, add ground almond. Further cooking tip, eat raw.
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Libby
Named jointly after Lazarus “Libby” Long and the fact that it’s a Libretto — this is Scott’s teeny ickle ancient laptop. Made by Toshiba, it has a Pentium 266mhz chip and 64 meg of RAM. This is the overclocked speed...and it was souped up by Scott and has a 20gig HD just for fun...
Saturday May 16th, 2026
thingbox
“A box of things”. Apparently. Looks more like a website of some description to me...
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Blair
Blair, Tony:- British PM from 1998-nuclear holocaust (next June)
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Titian
Whilst Titian was mixing Rose Madder
His model climbed up a ladder
The position to Titian suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had ’er
Saturday May 16th, 2026
Dangerous Sports
A range of activities done for fun, where the chance of dieing is higher than normal, and or half the point.
Friday May 15th, 2026
Quadrilateral Equations
Not as difficult as they first appear but still a rather cruel form of torture inflicted upon key stage 3 pupils.
Friday May 15th, 2026
Scott
A man who, if he spent less time chatting to sexy men online while procastinating in IRC and more time working on the fucking BETA version on this site we would have more bleeding members! GET TO WORK BITCH! *cracks whip*
Friday May 15th, 2026
Feltching
The act of bumming one, cumming in one, then sucking out the heavenly goo with a straw. For other party antics, see also seagulling, donkey punching and monging.
Friday May 15th, 2026
fuckwittage
Term coined by Shazza, good friend of Bridget Jones. Said actions of Fuckwit should be discussed over several bottles of Chardonnay until having blurry good night with besssss fredn s. Argor.
Friday May 15th, 2026
Pirates
People who steal cargo from ships looking dead sexy as they do it. And say things like ‘savvy’ and have really cool names like Captain Jack Sparrow and Bootstrap Bill....arrrrrrrrrrrr!!
Thursday May 14th, 2026
Shonky
Badly implemented or produced. Describing a person who isn’t so good at doing what they’re doing.
“His barwork was a bit shonky”.
“That chair’s a bit shonky”...
Thursday May 14th, 2026
scareglow
Scary Creatures, like Intergalactic Space Bunny
Thursday May 14th, 2026
gigs
Going to see a band live not to be confused with a concert.
Thursday May 14th, 2026
Doodlebug
Slang term refering to a type of world war two german rocket mounted bomb. The nickname was affectionately given as the pulse jet engine made a low pitch “doodle” sound as is it passed overhead. If you happened to hear the engine stop doodling (the rocket had travelled its desired range) you were buggered... hence doodlebug... sommat my history teacher told me but i don’t know how true it is.
Thursday May 14th, 2026
Copulate
coffee named after a movie director... oh no sorry.. that’s Coppolatte
Thursday May 14th, 2026
G-A-Y
Pretentious bar full of pretentious scene queen fashion slaves who won’t even pas the time of day with you unless you are wearing the last Armani. Go to Trash Palace; its much cooler!
Thursday May 14th, 2026
DTTF
Rallying cry of “Death To the French” often heard around Retro Bar whenever Skywalker has been successfully removed from Thailand and ends up being sucked back into London again
Thursday May 14th, 2026
Old Kaka
Name for a friendless old witch who delights in spending her twilight years complaining about the slightest noise within a five mile radius of her, with laughable threats to tell the council and frankly baffling resistance to the use of a washing machine on “the Holy day”. Apparently vomits a lot when forced to endure vibration.
Wednesday May 13th, 2026
Money
Money has no value, other than the use you put it to.
Wednesday May 13th, 2026
cigarettes
Cigarettes are good for the lungs, increase your sexual prowess and make you appear devastatingly attractive to members of the opposite (or indeed same) sex. They help to fund the NHS, they are nice to kittens and are suitable for enjoyment by all ages.
Wednesday May 13th, 2026
Cheese Toastie
When a man hasn’t been in the shower for a few weeks, and has sex so fast it causes friction burn...
Wednesday May 13th, 2026
Fox
James Fox. Ex llama academy student, now eurovision ‘hopeful’....I hope the twat ends up stranded in Europe. He sucks!
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
chavette
Female chav. Often seen wearing fake Burberry, Fake fur, Fake burberry patterned fur, too much lip gloss, enough mascara to clump and big hoopy earrings. Big hair sprouts from under the Burberry hat and they spend most of their giros on the lottery and/or malibu
Speak an incomprehensible language that’s a cross between Northern, R&B slang and Essex. Husbands likely to have tattoos reading "My other wife is a chav..."
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
the way of life
orignated from mr_cynds & amy-dave relgion. Some of the famous members of this relgion are Bill Cosby.
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
bobdylan
But who still somehow managed to be considerably richer than you, Pete
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
dune
place where naughty behaviour happens at Maspolamas (sp?)
Studland
and Uretiti
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
Q
A Time travelling or future gazing gadget expert who was always able to provide James Bond witht he exact gadgets he needed for the mission ahead...
Tuesday May 12th, 2026
gareth gates
A semi t-t-t-t-t-talented singer. Has been in Jordan, the poor man.
Monday May 11th, 2026
chariots
Decidedly dodgy set of “Health Clubs for gay men” one of which is about 5 mins from Scott’s flat
Monday May 11th, 2026
marmite
Loved or hated. There is no in between. AKA Vegemite elsewhere in the world.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Pre-Raphaelite
Beautiful style of painting whose brotherhood included the like of Waterhouse and Rosetti
Monday May 11th, 2026
Wisdom Teeth
Painful. Waste. Of. Time. They are pointless, don’t make you any wiser, and they hurt. Owww!
Monday May 11th, 2026
cats
Small furry creatures that are entirely untrainable and fond of drilling
Monday May 11th, 2026
Countryside
The bit that separates people that is full of animals, poo and other people on horses not cars.
Monday May 11th, 2026
harrods
I accidentally stole some rashers of bacon from Harrods once.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Cyndi Lauper
She just wants to have fun, show her true colours, time after time...
Monday May 11th, 2026
chav
Noun. A person of working class origin, generally poorly educated, often very casually dressed in sportswear. Derog.
Monday May 11th, 2026
nifty
FAG STORIES!
Tell your Drwho/captainJack midgetfistingorgy fantasy here!
Monday May 11th, 2026
dick
Rubbish movie starring Kirsten Dunst and Michelle Williams
Monday May 11th, 2026
PC: spyware ad-ware browser hijack
You been visiting far too many evil doggie porn sites – You need to stop gong to the doggie sites and stop allowing the install ActiveX to install.
Who knows what little Evils where installed – Just never use your credit card ever agene until you install windows from new
Removal tools:
Spybot S&D:
Ad-aware: Personal Edition SE:
www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/
[Both recommended to download and use together & Both are Free]
Monday May 11th, 2026
ajax
The White Tornado
(For those who are auld enough to remember the add “Cleans like a White Tornado” commercial)
Monday May 11th, 2026
Awfultic
Anything that claims authenticity when it cleatly isn’t at all authentic.
For example, the “genuine” Australian pub that has plastic crocodiles hanging from the walls and serves only luke-warn Castlemain XXXX.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Foreploy
The theoretical stage before sex for heterosexuals. If you are a homosexual replace with porn.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Boinking
1. The act of hitting someone over the head with a soft / foam object.
2. fucking someone for the sake of it or for humorous intent.
Monday May 11th, 2026
photography
pointing the camera at something, pressing the button and praying that it looks ok!!
Monday May 11th, 2026
Diarhhoea
Tendency to crap too much
see squits
see Bum Wee
See Verbal Diarrhoea
Monday May 11th, 2026
humans
Bipedal denizens of a largely unremarkable but not entirely unpleasant ball of rock, floating aimlessly somewhere in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable Western Spiral arm of
the Galaxy. Their greatest accomplishments include the construction of the Pyramids at Giza, their triumphant defeat of gravity in 1961, and the cancellation of an (un)popular science fiction series called ‘Enterprise’. Their greatest failures, which significantly outnumber their achievements, include the development of musical ringtones, their evolutionary (and rather vulgar) method of reproduction, the ‘mullet’ hairstyle, and the gratuitous and belligrerently spiteful existence of Gail Porter.
The greatest human mystery remains, of course, Lisa Riley.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Chavmas
The winter festival celebrate by bad taste trash without a Christian bone in the body. The celebration involves Getting pissed, wearing Santa hats, turning your house into something like Blackpool Illuminations forcing a new Nuclear Power Station to be opened so the electricity can be provided. Driving you 4x4 or Sprog mobile to every out of town shopping centre to buy noisy toys for the brats, fake designer stuff for everyone else and enough pre prepared food and booze to last the siege of Stalingrad.
Monday May 11th, 2026
teabagging
When a drunken compadre has fallen foul to the menace of unconsciousness, his equally drunken comrades will attempt to revive him by smacking their bollocks on his forehead.
Whether he actually wakes up is irrelevant because you will have laughed so much doing it.
Monday May 11th, 2026
cats
The Egyptians thought cats were gods and they haven’t forgotten it.
Monday May 11th, 2026
circus2iraq
A small group of performers and activists are currently in Iraq performing and running circus skills workshops for the kids.
During the war, one of the most powerful things was playfulness when the bombs were falling – a birthday party, a football game, singing, blowing bubbles.
Anyone with skills, experience, donations or ideas to offer is welcome to get in touch.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Gerald Scarfe
Cartoonist – Well known for his political satire, his habit of using splattery inks and his very distinctive style. His website contains a link to the work he did on The_Wall – go look
Monday May 11th, 2026
Bobby Davro
Strange man. I sat on his knee once, and there are photos to prove it.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Eggy
Everything that is right with the world, especially Easter. “Eggy” to egg, meaning, to be fine/well/not bad.
Monday May 11th, 2026
archer
Geoffrey
Literary genious of some renown, erswhile contender for the Tory Crown and Mayorial Chain. His vivid imagination earned him a place at the University of Belmarsh, from where he graduated with first class honours.
Monday May 11th, 2026
dorkbot
Freaky people who do strange things with electricity.
Meet in Limehouse and Brick lane.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Olives
Eugh! Satan’s fruit! Utterly vile, and occasionally found lurking in salads, masquerading as grapes.
Monday May 11th, 2026
Brumble
The act of grumbling in a blustery sort of way. For example, what old people do when they have no intention of doing anything about their greivance, but merely wish you to understand they’re not happy about something and/or everything.
Sunday May 10th, 2026
firefly
Amazing sci-fi show that was axed by the Evil Fox after about 10 episodes...now available as a 13 episode DVD and soon to be available as a film, it charts the story of nine people living on a spaceship and getting up to all kinds of mischief. Cross the sharp writing team of Buffy with a little of the A Team and Babylon 5 and throw in a touch of Spaceballs and a healthy dollop of spaghetti western and hey, it sounds unlikely, but it all works.
Home to lines as great as:
Wash: Psychic? Sounds like something out of science fiction.
Zoe: We live on a spaceship dear
and:
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
Dead good. Go see.
Sunday May 10th, 2026
Michael Jackson
Pop star. Allegedly naughty and responsible for some of the biggest selling records of all time, as well as some of the most bizarre plastic surgery ever. Allegedly.
Strangely no mention of the court case allegations on his website
Sunday May 10th, 2026
antidisestablishmentarianism
Impossible to win with in Countdown as Carol never gets enough letters out
Saturday May 9th, 2026
itlapd
Acronym of “International Talk Like A Pirate Day”
On Sep 19th each year the world is encouraged to take like a pirate. You can learn how at the official home page devoted to the day (link below).
Made famous by writer Dave Barry, the event has quite a cult following, particularly at the b3ta boards (not that I go there; very overrated website that’s rarely funny).
See ‘Pirates’.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
Overgrown pepperpots with sink plungers that have caused mayhem and terror throughout the universe.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
cock blocker
n. (Bath house Slang) a person or a group of people who hang around outside a room obstructing or delaying the chance of getting laid.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
smoking
Bloody irritating – it stinks and makes it so I can’t bloody well breathe.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
Work
The place I go somtimes between sleeping and buying DIY stuff.
It generally helps pay for things but is bad for your health
Saturday May 9th, 2026
tube surf
The art of looking immensely cool as you travel the underground whilst standing up without using hands. Honest. Dead cool.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
Tuatha de Danon
Also – Tuatha de Dannan
Mythical inhabitants of Ireland – defeated the Formorians, and then were in turn defeated by the Milesians, the first huamn inhabitants of Ireland.
THe focus of much Irish folklore, there are many legends surrounding them
Saturday May 9th, 2026
Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster
never drink more than 2 unless you a re six tonn mega elephant with brochial pneumonia.
Saturday May 9th, 2026
Pino
Small robot for playing with. Squeaks and sounds a bit like mogwai. Most sexeh. Sulks if you don’t play with him. Bit like mogwai. Just remember kids, yiffing robots is wrong, mmkay?
(Tho Scott’s one isn’t that cool)
Saturday May 9th, 2026
pigeons
Also known as rock doves, they are considered very lucky on the Canary Islands, and treated with considerable respect, espcially outside of the cities
Friday May 8th, 2026
Squits
Posh word for Diarrhoea (which is a stupid word anyway)
See also Bum Wee
Friday May 8th, 2026
Dangerous Sports
Like foxhunting when your the fox.....only, I presume, not much fun
Friday May 8th, 2026
SPACED
One of the most inspired comedies of recent history. Best watched whilst under some sort of influence, but just as bizarre when sober.
Friday May 8th, 2026
Fox
Sam Fox. Touch me touch me, I wanna feel your body! Oh yeah!
Friday May 8th, 2026
Kylie
The word “Kylie” is Aboriginal and means “Boomerang”. Not a lot of people know that.
Friday May 8th, 2026
IRC
Internet Relay Chat. Invented in 1988, lets freaks (and other people) chat to each other over the interweb...
Friday May 8th, 2026
WASP
The word I scream to signify impending doom and destruction of the world as we know it
Friday May 8th, 2026
feltching
Also involves insertion of small, fluffy rodents into the rear. I got his info. from a book called "A to Z of bizarre sex by Tracey Love.
Friday May 8th, 2026
uncoffeed
To be without your morning coffee
Eg: Scott is uncoffeed this morning
Friday May 8th, 2026
Adam Baldwin
*drool*
One of the sexiest men to walk the Earth...
Friday May 8th, 2026
Jesus Army
evil people who try to run me over everytime they see me in the street!
Friday May 8th, 2026
stroke
Smooth slow motion of one’s hand along an object/person/sextoy
Friday May 8th, 2026
pub crawl
Noun. A bout of drinking held by touring numerous pubs (public houses). {Informal}
Friday May 8th, 2026
Q
A sometimes, pompous and snobby, music magazine, which I buy frequently.
Friday May 8th, 2026
marmite
Absolutely nothing like Vegemite – there is only one Marmite.
Friday May 8th, 2026
jeremy hunt
(Pl n).
Cockney rhyming slang. Often shortened to “Jeremy”
CF: "That taxi driver was a right Jeremy"
Thursday May 7th, 2026
CEX
Computer EXchange.
Dead groovy set of shops and website that sell second hand (and sometimes new) computer bits/dvds/games/anything that has batteries and isn’t a sex toy...
Deeply cool
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Genius
Lickspittle in a red jumper who wouldn’t look nearly so smug if (s)he had ever watched Star Trek.
Often seen wandering around Apple stores. Rarely seen doing anything useful in their own habitats, something called a “Genius Bar”, where they stand around and natter amongst themselves whilst an irate queue forms to their left.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Olives
Small metal rings used in plumbing two pieces of copper pipe together....aha!
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Popstarz
Dodgy, badly spelt plural of the word Popstar.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Ramsey, Gordon
A man who needs his mouth washed out with soap. He also needs to leave his clothes on when he is on the TV. In fact, all of the time he needs to keep them on. I mean always. Eurgh, he’s dirty.
Oh, and he’s a chef.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
doncaster
You hate it, and you’ll know you have to leave.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Radio 4
The most beautiful thing about middle-class England is Radio 4. Destined, alas, to be replaced by “rolling” news. Don’t you love that word? News only rolls if you’re creating or publishing it. Those of us who digest it want our news pretty much stationary, thank you very much.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
masturbation
Sex with someone you love (paraphrased from Woody Allen)
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Big Brother
War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Elf
Orlando played one of these in the LOTR films. And he had lovely hair. And he could shoot arrows really well. But I don’t know what a real Elf would be like, so we’ll just take him as an example. Yes.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
cumbubbles
Bubbles of mangoo bubbling out of a bottom... usually experienced after a hard in and out bareback session when you have a gallon of spunk and 3 cubic metres of air up you..
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Wardrobe
Place to keep all the men you fancy, in preparation for you taking over the world with them.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Wooden Hill
Mythical portal leading – for some obscure reason – to Bedfordshire.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
chariots of fire
One of the worst films ever made. About men who ran and ran and ran for their country...even though everyone hated the Jewish guy coz he was Jewish...and everyone hated the Scottish guy because he was a staunch Christian.
I hate this film so much.
And it has the WORST theme tune ever.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
The Frames
As far as I am concerned – the greatest band currently on this little rock 
But for most just a fun accoustic Irish rock band with a penchent for nice strings...
Thursday May 7th, 2026
wolverhampton
The City England forgot it had... or at least tried too... Capital of The Black Country.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
smokers
you’re fingers are all yellow, they’re the colour of poo, and when you get home, your walls are too! – a delightful song about smokers but I can’t recall where it’s from.
Thursday May 7th, 2026
Midlands Today
Weekday BBC regional news programme responsible for launching the career of Nina Nannar and for keeping Nick Owen in work.
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
Woo-woo
sirens on a Police car usualy refferred to in the pural in lines like “Serg, can we use our woo- woos on this shout?”
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
lesbian bed death
This happens anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of years into a lesbian relationship. The sex stops and doesn’t restart and the two descend into bickering and pouting at each other due to sexual frustration. Apparently.
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
skinheads
Violent, racist, homophobic men with shaved heads who often wear agressive and intimidating clothing. Get their kicks beating the shit out of anyone they percieve as different and causing trouble at football events. Not to be confused with [2].
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
Billie Myers
One of Britain’s most under appreciated talents. A great singer/songwriter.
Responsible for the 1998 Top Ten hit single “Kiss The Rain”.
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
errorfied
One who is inclined to error; one who encourages and propagates error
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
barbican
Where long-legged plastic dolls go for a "number two"
Wednesday May 6th, 2026
Titan
Ref to “Cynds” to understand the strange person who is “aconite”.
Tuesday May 5th, 2026
Bum wee
The type of diahorrea that you get after a heavy night’s drinking (or five). Like dishwater but less pleasant, it streams out from between your cheeks and makes weewee noises in the bowl
Tuesday May 5th, 2026
trains
The word Train comes from an ancient British word which means Delay. Resurrected by British Rail to keep people happy.
Tuesday May 5th, 2026
teabagging
Teabagging is an act carried out by a (An adult male person (as opposed to a woman)) man placing his (One of the two male reproductive glands that produce spermatozoa and secrete androgens) testicles on another (A human being) person or object, usually as a (A ludicrous or grotesque act done for fun and amusement) prank but sometimes for (Click link for more info and facts about sexual) sexual purposes. The act got its name from its supposed similarity to the action of dipping a (Click link for more info and facts about teabag) teabag. Some call the activity braining, after the appearance of the (The external pouch that contains the testes) scrotum.
. as in sex and the city
Tuesday May 5th, 2026
b0pping
the thing gay men can be found doing when incredibly drunk (or sober in my case)...
Monday May 4th, 2026
eevil
Like “evil” but more sinister. Often accompanied by steeple fingers
Monday May 4th, 2026
pink pound
Noun. Disposable income that ‘gays’ ostensibly have through not having the financial expense of children.
Monday May 4th, 2026
Podcast
Another way to hear some one bitch about the world
Sunday May 3rd, 2026
Dermot O’Leary
Hunky sexy TV Presenter, best known for being on Big Brother, Big Breakfast and the odd Comic Relief show...
I want...
www.dermotoleary.net/pictures/other8/img_dermbelt.jpg
Uh uh....
www.dermotoleary.net/pictures/t4/img_derm04n.jpg
YOU LUCKY BITCH!...
i116.photobucket.com/albums/o37/dermotolearynet/comicrelief_01/comicrelief_03.jpg
Sunday May 3rd, 2026
Jesus Army
Evil Northampton-based weirdos who rampage through town in eerily psychadelic minibuses spreading crosses and indoctrination.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
angelou
Gorgeous band from Norwich – Now going by the name “Holly Lerski and Angelou”
Used to listen to them live years ago, and now they’re almost famous.
Humble is one of the most gorgeousest songs ever
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
alarm clock
1. alarm clock
An act of fellatio which wakes the person receiving. Usually results in immediate nutting due to surprise and overall awesomeness.
“Why’s your girlfriend got a black eye?”
"I was tired, so I hit the snooze button"
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
man utd
Team for has-been glory-seekers.
NB largest fan-base registered in Swindon
Try below for a better option
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
choke the chicken
Vrb Phrs. To masturbate. E.g."It’s no wonder you’re tired, spending every waking hour choking the chicken!"
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Forbidden Planet
A place where slightly spotty yet attractively geeky young men hang out. It also sells comics and rekated items.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Diarhhoea
result of eating dodgey food in the developing world
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Copulate
The time it takes a policeman to turn up in an emergency
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
cheesetoastie
CheeseToastie: noun;
Something that David added to the dictionary because it wouldn’t let him link to “Cheese Toastie” with a space.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Blean
Scientific measure of luminosity : 1 glimmer = 100,000 bleans. Usherettes’ torches are designed to produce between 2.5 and 4 bleans, enabling them to assist you in falling downstairs, treading on people or putting your hand into a Neapolitan tub when reaching for change.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Metro
A newspaper produced free by the makers of the daily_mail and other horrendous rags like that...
Tries really hard to pretend that it’s not a right wing scaremongering piece of trash but occasionally forgets and prints a ranty and rather special article or two.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Tea
The giver of life. Solves all problems in the world ever.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
no2id
The last lot of ID cards were burnt with great aplomb in the early 1950s, why do we want the bloody things now?
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
David Blunkett
Seems to get a lot more action than he deserves.
Saturday May 2nd, 2026
Miller Genuine Draft
Real MGD is a light tasting lager, brewed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
In the UK it doesn’t taste as good, but it does have a higher alcohol content, so it’s not all bad!
Friday May 1st, 2026
Troon
Troon – noun – a piece of music from the Tron: Legacy soundtrack