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Scott’s blog
Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
oops
My updating is becoming a tad sporadic again.
Have decided I feel knackered because I do fuck all except stare at computers, therefore when I go to bed I don’t sleep well.
Have decided to rectify this by doing more things after work and stuff
Started by going to that dodgy Streatham place last night 
Met a nice chef who was very filling. Mwah.
Wandering around Brixton at about 10:30pm is interesting - felt safe but wary...thought Brixton was meant to be well ’ard or summat...
In other news, the Metropolitan Police have seized fourteen tonnes of weapons grade fertilizer from a locked garage in South London. Belonging to a faction thought to be associated with Al Qaeda called “Wi Cks” it was blatantly stored in large plastic sacks with their name written on them in big yellow letters.
Speculating about their brazenness, Met comissioner Sir John Stevens said that this dangerous haul was “only the tip of the iceberg” and that they had uncovered locations and dates from this operation that put the Wi Cks “all over the country”.
“Be vigilant” was the message the Metropolitan Police were putting out in the wake of this huge find. Whilst no detonators had yet been found, it is likely to only be a matter of time before they are located.
The Wi Cks are a shadowy organisation of which little is known. They were thought to have a few operatives in this country but officials never suspected that they were this widespread. It appears that the majority of this haul came not from abroad, as one might suspect, but from within the UK itself - which leads to some people wondering if the Police are indeed up to the task of protecting us and our loved ones.
“How we can sleep at night, day in, day out, with this kind of menace on our doorstep, only inches away from our children’s lives being at stake and not realise that the very fabric of UK civilisation is within a hair’s grasp of being ended is beyond me” said David Blunkett in a press statement. “We must destroy the terror within”, he added, then proceeded to demonstrate exactly how to use ID cards to combat terrorism.
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weekend++
Phil! been cruising along, groove factor five, most of the weekend.
Drank too much, even though I have no idea how, in about 3 hours of pub on Friday night. Got pissed with work after not finishing until about 8pm - urgh. Felt crappy on Saturday but got up bright and early to do a Phil photoshoot...as I’ve learned my new camera they came out really well. Dead chuffed, as was he 
Just managed to spend the rest of the weekend moaning about the laptop being dead and chatting to people online...met up with a random gaydar bloke called “reooow” who was nice...just had pizza and chatted and stuff - might try and tempt him on here with biscuits or something.
Have lots of work still to do. Bah. Need to spend some more time on the scary site too...
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Beta!
Spent some time on the beta last night. Trying to cut down on the amount of database accesses per page by using very nasssty but economic SQL statements. So now the forum display on the front page uses one and some very nasty inner/left joins all nested inside each other. Urg. But it works! Redid the prefs too so they’re all stored in the login cookie and fixed the total time killing code (sorry James) that reset your time if you were logged in to the new system.
Considering building “bugs.freakcity.net” after I’ve finished a bit more, that way I can keep track a bit better 
“She said ’lay down beside me babe, lay down your troubled head, it’s alright...”
Listening to the rainbyrds on the bus. ‘Seduce’ really is one of the most beautiful songs ever written. Really hope Holly re-records it some time, even though I suspect she won’t 
As soon as it rains...tubes break and traffic gets really bad. Traffic I can almost understand but tubes run underground, dammit!
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Finished the search results page, including some very nifty Javascript. Wahey! Helped Chris with some HTML and he told me that he loved me. Suspect Chris of lying in the hope of free lifetime technical support. Phil wants me to Swan tonight but I really think I’m far too fucked to consider it. Left work at about 18:30 and took some moon pics as it was being all pretty. Phil wants lots of new pics taking, so I have to do him on Saturday. “Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen. This means you really love me” - Lots of grooving to Morrissey today. Rah. spiritusmundispit sent me his new single yesterday but I had heard it before, possibly when I went to see him live the year before last. “Irish blood, English heart”. I understand where he’s coming from, but he really is wandering the thin line between pride and Nationalism and I suspect he’s gonna get bad press for it...Then again, he could use the publicity so perhaps he’s doing it on purpose, he’s always liked a good bit of scandal around him. He’ll probably be accused of racism again by people conveniently not comprehending the title of the song. And of course Morrissey will refuse to comment. And it’ll piss off the nationalists too coz of the anti monarchy bits...
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Saunatastic...
Boring day of tidying up stuff at work.
Went out last night with kingdingaling to the sauna in Streatham on the spur of the moment, as they have a bears night on Tuesdays.
Streatham high street is big. Huge. Massive. Vast. Long. Never again will I arrange to meet someone on it. Took about 15 minutes to find each other. Gah!
Spent a few hours being stalked by a short fat chinese bloke, which was worrying. Reminded me of the little podgy girl in Donnie Darko. Probably had breasts of a similar size and shape too...
Chris managed to end up under about 5 people for a few hours, so I chilled out, had a jacuzzi, wandered around, ate biscuits, watched extremely crap television (something called Angels or summat?) and generally fretted about where the buggery hell Chris had got to and whether or not I was going to miss my train.
Chris offered to give me a lift to something more closely resembling London, and as it was about 23:15 I accepted as I suspected I’d probably have missed my train - so we promptly got completely lost trying to find Lewisham. Bah.
Chris drives like a madman. It was fun, even though it did involve an Evil Car.
So I got to bed at about 1am - I am now officially knackered and suspect I may have to buy matches at lunchtime to keep my eyelids open. Oh the fun
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Whee!
James upgrades server 006 (Small).jpg Novak has been upgraded somewhat. Now 5 times more space in home than before...
Kinda managed to tidy stuff some - James popped over in the evening and so I left him to fiddle with bits of Novak - he also brought the blowers for Stone over - they’re HUGE so crap only knows if they’re gonna fit in there
Currently downloading WinXP Service Pack 2 RC1 (for comedy effect)
...or I would be if it didn’t keep breaking. Cheap bastards should get a better ISP
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Computers are evil...
Got up bright and early. Took a load of silleh pics with the Canon - have learned a few tricks now, so feel a bit better about taking photos with it. Went shopping for food (something I’ve needed to do for a while)...also tidied the kitchen somewhat and stuff.
James came over in the evening with the blowers for Stone - they’re huge and there’s two of ’em. Rah! I showed him my new toy (Palm wireless keyboard and he fitted the blowers, making Stone continue to crash. Bah.
Had an earlyish night after munching something yummy that I cooked for dinner that I can’t remember...
Oh yeah, chicken chunks, seared, in a white wine and vegetable saucything...with pasta
Watched Star Trek Nemesis and felt sorry for the franchise. Still, the SFX were almost on a par with Lucas for the Romulus zoom in, so not all bad. Crap story tho. Huge plotholes littered about the place like cheap homosexuals...
Earlyish night, after frustration with Stone. Tho James couldn’t sleep and so stayed up until 5am or something daft.
I worry
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Yarg.
I drank waaaay too much last night
Went to sleep at $time and woke up at about 11:30 to find homosexuals littered about my flat like cheap cushions. Was our release day for part two of our iteration cycle thingy yesterday so we all went to the pub after work. Had drunken arguments about the state of the world, the state of Israel, the state of the company, anything we could bitch about we did...it was fun
Left them at just before 11, staggered onto a train and turned up at the Swan to see deev and gaz who had arrived in time for Owen’s big soirée tonight. Drank a hideous amount of bitter/vodka and moaned lots about the state of the world again... baboonish turned up as well as thedude was tarting it about in Backstreet in Mile End...
So, having rediscovered the joys of Newcastle Brown (hah! Deev asked for a surprise drink at the bar, so I got him Snakebite and Black! That’ll learn him!) - I slipped a bottle in my pocket and returned home with ’em all for much drunken watching of Firefly. I think Gaz is hooked and should probably have therapy for it
Don’t think it’s likely that I’ll a) get much work done today and b) will make it to Owen’s :S
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Tube DEAD
It’s a bird... Someone broke Mile End. Oops.
Hit today’s deadline with ease. Yay.
Fishy sounds very rattled by yesterday’s bombing. He’s back early next month and looking forward to it, which is good. Have promised him beer when he returns. Also promised I’d try and sort out the edit function on circus2iraq for him tonight so he can edit the pics and stuff. Bleh. Will my work ever be done?
Tube’s a bit busy tonight, eh? WEG
I am hiding with my back to the door, using the glass as some vast heatsink whilst everyone around me looks uncomfortable...
I am so glad I filled the Palm up with The Smiths this morning. Not listened to them in a while...Must try and acquire Zero 7’s new album...their debut one was lovely.
Went out at lunch and took a load of pics of birds at ISO800 and 1600 hoping they came out well, think I got a couple of very nice ones...
So, tonight I’m KHRPing, C2Iing and hopefully V2ing as well. wonder if I’ll stay awake long enough.
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So. Huge bomb goes off in the Reuters Hotel in Baghdad...but who is responsible? Who is best served by a compliant media?
Smaller bomb went off two doors down from Sam. He was first on the scene with his camera - looked like it was targetting two US armoured vehicles parked next to it. He said he saw someone with a headwound but that was all. He has learned to say “do not shoot the clown!” in Arabic. This is a start I suppose
So. I’ve managed to escape work at a sensible time for a change. Fingers Xd I’ll be able to get more freakcity done tonight. Am all sorted with regard to the rest of my work, so it’s looking good.
Chatted some with Owen, he thinks he’s falling for Nathan, which is dead sweet and Raffa apparently moved out yesterday with about 1 day’s notice, so Warren has become Owen’s new flatmate...
Sleepy person. Slow warm tube. Small screaming child. Grr.
I have backache and a bad urge for beer. Woe is me...
Read some interesting stuff about milk being carcinogenic that I’m not sure I agree with. I suspect that milk doesn’t cause cancer at all, but that it acts like “baby bio” for existing cancers. If you think about how babies grow when being fed milk you may see what I mean. Milk I seem to recall, is full of stuff that makes cells grow.
Comedy headline of the day comes courtesy of the Metro’s “Coffee ’may help children avoid drugs’”. Yeah, coffee will certainly take away the thrill of rebellion and the adrenaline rush of the unknown. Yeah.
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Whoops.
I just ordered coffee instead of tea. I may be a little bouncy tonight
Almost finished the search results page. Looking nice. Slow as fuck tho. If we had a decent fast server to work on it’d be so much quicker...each change to the JSP and I have to wait a good 20 seconds to see if it worked...so I’m gonna ramble on here in the gaps as I got bored waiting for email...
Pretty uneventful day. Demo outside the Syrian embassy about the killing of Kurds in Syria on Friday (see link) - bout 200 people, or so winj says...seems to have gone peacefully...still nothing on the news though about it which is pretty shitty really, as the whole point of the demo is that there’s been nothing on the news about the massacre either.
The media in this country sucks, but at least it’s not America. Grr.
"Kurdish demonstrations have swept across Syria, following outcry over the killings of Kurds by Syrian authorities and pro-Saddam supporters at a football stadium in Qamishlo, northeast Syria, on 12 March 2004.
/According to information received by KHRP, almost 2000 supporters of the Fatuwwa team from Dayr al-Sur, a renowned Ba’thist city, entered the football stadium armed with guns and bearing pro-Saddam and anti-Kurdish statements. Fighting broke out between the Arab supporters and the unarmed Kurdish spectators. Reportedly, Syrian security personnel who were present and internal security police, summoned by the Mayor of Qamishlo, joined the Fatuwwa supporters in attacking the Kurds. Approximately twenty Kurds, including three children, were killed in the stadium and more than 150 injured. "/
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I am beginning to suspect I may be on time!
Stayed up until $toolate chatting to people, then got woken at 6am by the heater in the bedroom which seems to have a mind of it’s own...it had turned itself on and was trying to cook me...the bastard thing...
Am gonna add bios to profiles I think. Don’t really know any sites that do this. Also going to add Journal previews too.
Gomeche sent me a lovely email, CCd to various nazi and white power groups, which was nice...he’s discovered circus2iraq and assumes that I’m the Scott on the front page...spose he got that one right...Apparently the Circus is all a scam to finance Sam’s heroin addiction...bless...Gomeche has published both Sam and Steve’s home addresses on Redwatch. The police are being less than helpful, for a change...
Don’t think Sam will mind his address being on there too much as he doesn’t live there any more and is currently wandering around Northern Iraq, but I’m not sure Gomeche’s investigative abilities stretch that far. Suspect he doesn’t realise Sam’s been off the skag for years too, but hey.
I will be a little annoyed if I end up listed on nonce/redwatch again however. And I’ll be annoyed if he finds this place too. Grr. Circus2iraq is too important to be interfered with by a mad fool.
They did a fundraiser the other day and raised nearly £2000. Rather cool I feel!
Ah well. Not had any contact with IKG in about 2 years. Spose it was my turn really. Harry’s a bit worried though as his name/address are on the registration for the domain
Just a bit pissed off and fed up about it is all. And to top it all, whilst this is going on I’m being accused of being a nazi on gaydar by some fucknut who can’t tell the difference between right wing zionists and jews in general. Fucktard! And another one who claimed I knew nothing for saying Richard Perle was right-wing as he is a democrat. Which he’s not. *sigh* dunno why I bother...
I must be a nazi who is detested by nazis. Explains why I’m so fucked up 
Heh. I’m writing this outside the Hammersmith Palais. Classy!
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Stopped off in Shepherd’s Bush for a sneaky KFC. Flat and watery coke, dry chicken, no nice bits...that’ll teach me. Bought salad for my sandwiches tomorrow though so not entirely naughty of me...Caught the leader on the daily_mail and was amused. In a break from its usual shoddy journalism it read “Why do so many women not undress in front of their man with the light on?”. Guess they’ve taken on board the years of criticism, bitten the bullet and decided to start asking the questions that *really* matter...
Central line appears to be a little stoppy-starty tonight. Bah. I just wanna be home now....Only at Marble Arch
Must email the pTunes people about the crashes when using Plucker...they’re a pain in the arse. Grr.
Watched the new Battlestar Galactica at the weekend. Why does everything have to be our fault in Sci Fi these days? We didn’t create the Cylons, they attacked us after we helped those whom they wished to subjucate. Balthar wasn’t misled, he was our betrayer, etc.
Crappy plot littered with vast plotholes, crappy CGI (even if it was done by the Firefly people) and *really* crappy acting...They’ve turned a fight for the survival of mankind into Invasion of the Bodysnatchers...Only we already know who they all are.
James didn’t seem very impressed with either version...tho I was glad to watch the original...I was so young when I first watched the original that most of it’s subtleties went over my head. Great lines like “what’s a warrior to do when he’s lost the big one? Go out and try win some of the little ones”, and the speech at the end, which I love: “Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, Galactica, leads a rag tag fugitive fleet on a lonely quest for a shining planet, known as Earth...”
Ah well. They don’t make ’em like they used to...
James wasn’t even impressed about the nod to Galactica in the A-Team credits as a Cylon walks past Dirk Benedict...
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Ok...so leaving early failed...
Daffy 017 (Small).jpg Took some sunset piccies on the way out...will see how they came out when I get home...Daffodils...mmm
Have some updates to do to the KHRP site...been riots and stuff apparently...doesn’t sound good - and predictably the media is ignoring it.
Will attempt more FC2 as well...bleh.
Read a whole chunk of stuff about Angel “Hole in the World” and “Shells”...had no idea that they were so deep - other than feeling unsettled and that I was watching unique television once again...a feeling I’ve not felt since Firefly...
Speaking of which, Firefly’s casting notes have gone out, detailing who we can expect to see in “Serenity”. Damn does it sound good...
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Work work work...
Worried about the large gap between designs and implementation in the code I’m getting from the developers. Am making do as much as I can but it’s gonna be tricky. This *should* just be a simple job of integrating JSP with HTML, but as the JSP is wildly different from the HTML...it’s all a bit odd really 
Failed to get much done last night on FCv2 - will have another bash tonight after I’ve done Rochelle’s updates...
Long chat with Mum last night about life, the universe and everything. They’re gonna come in a few weeks for photography fun - will see if we can get up City Hall or somewhere good like that.
Am tempted to see if it’s possible to visit the top of 1 Canada Square with my camera some time...I would *love* to take pics up there after work one day or something but not sure I’ll be allowed...
Omelette and sausage for dinner last night. How classy am I?
Have discovered an even quicker way to work. I am going to attempt it tonight...and I’m gonna try and leave a bit earlier today too so I can get some decent development done tonight.
Am feeling less run down now, less tired. Not sure if this is the dodgy drug things or if it’s just that I’m trying to eat more sensibly again and cut out the junk food. Time will tell
I need to get my bike back though and use it
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Long day
Long day. Worked out proper forums code in my head earlier this morning and have been looking forward to seeing if it works when I get home. Only I’ve just left work and I’m shattered. Bah. This whole thing of developing the Java components
at the same time as the designs seems a tad flawed if the programmers are unaware of the design function. We have so much to do and not much time to do it (Thursday).
All staff email went around earlier about www.circus2iraq.org from a bloke in our web design team who is apparently an old mate of Fisheye’s, kinda entertaining and stuff Small World!
Sleepy. Think I need nice food today.
Tried to get the Tungsten to work as a wap browser but it was having none of it. Would connect fine but wouldn’t browse any sites...which is a shame as I get unlimited free wap.
Consoled myself with buying a Palm Wireless Keyboard. I’m such a bad boy.
New version of Warfare Inc out, possibly the best Palm game ever! It’s now Arm native, which makes it really rather fast - I may have to buy the full thing at some point...
In other gossip, seems Palm may be releasing a PalmOS 6 upgrade for some of their handhelds in the not-too-distant future
PalmOS 6 is fully Arm native and fully multitasking...it looks awfully good and I can’t wait!
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Cor!
Login seems to work...have been online now for 2 days solid, guess that’s a pretty good test of it
Tho the last post I made appears to have appeared in the wrong date, which is a pain.
Bah. I shall rewrite it anyways.
So, do I need to keep the site in GMT or do I write BST for it (somehow?)
Spent much of yesterday prevaricating and not doing the stuff I was meant to be doing...woops.
Went to Heaven last night with Danny and James...had a little too much vodka - and James had way too much and we had to walk big chunks of the way home in the rain because buses were making him wanna blow. Ooops. So he’s being all poorlysick in bed and I’m being awfully mean and have just started cooking brunch
Was a good night. Moggles was everywhere being topless and drunken. Popgroup from gaydar was there, having survived Owen’s Out organised “strip poker” Org^WEvent. Danny hasn’t drunk since we went out and got wrecked! Probably a good thing.
Today was a No Smoking Day
Tho I have no idea why my mouth *still* tastes of ashtray :S
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LOL
I’m sorry. I’m not meant to LOL...but...I just had to...
See link
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Nearly at the office... This bus/tube thing appears to work quite well!
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Sat on the bus now...should get me there just in time...which’ll be nice...Hoping Dave will take the day off as he looked like he was coming down with what I had yesterday.
Maybe I should consider moving somewhere on this bus route...don’t need to be near the tube as I have a bike (well, most of one, anyway) and places in shitty transport areas round here may be cheapish...
Still wondering how work’s catering staff can afford to live just round the corner, when *I* can’t. Dammit. Must pull a rich older man
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Thank Crunchie...
Trying a new way to work today...Did it in reverse yesterday, Central line to White City and then bus to Hammersmith...the tube bit seemed much quicker and the bus didn’t take too long, so we shall see if it helps at all...
Nikki will be visiting tomorrow, we’re tentatively doing Heaven...should be fun
Not going to go out tonight, am instead going to code like a bastard and hopefully get at least the first page and forum object to work right...which will include the new login code...hopefully fixing the “people being randomly logged out” thing as well....
Should make the site run a lot more smoothly too I hope...going to stay away from using the session and instead do everything in page scope variables. Kinda looking forward to rewriting big chunks...Kinda fun and kinda good as some of the code’s a bit shite really....
Snigger at “Fizzy drinks erode children’s teeth” claim in Metro this morning...Surely no one in their right mind would believe a story as far fetched as this....
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Blargh...
Slow going. Possibly not helped by vodka, but hey... I’ve written the login thing. It seems to all work ok too! Shall test it by attempting to stay online all night and seeing if I get kicked off. Rah! Migrating this all is gonna be a bit of a headfuck tho. Still, I have some months to think about that...
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yarg
Remember Kids, Just Say NO! sunin found a big bug. Arse. So spent about an hour fixing that, and about an hour being moaned at by various other people.
So I didn’t get as much done on beta as I wanted to.
Have a niceish error checking thing now tho...front end only at the moment - tho that’s easily changed too
jamesc interrupted me briefly to wave me round his new French house and stuff on netmeeting - well, he’s using gnomemeeting from his end, but same difference. His camera froze and he looked like a drunk from a bad horror flick...so I just had to...
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Illness is a bastard
So... I’ve been being quiet lately coz I’ve had this horrible cold thing. Sore throat, strange and vivid hallucinogenic dreams...Fun! In the last few days I’ve basically slept lots and that’s about it.
Bah.
Thinking about what I should do with Freakcity and in what order...My original cunning plan was simply to halt development and work on v2, simply bugfixing as I go along...But people want the diary thing *now* - should I make them wait? Really not sure...I think the rewrite is more important but don’t want to annoy anyone. Might throw it open to the forums...Kinda in a coding mood now, which will be handy for work
Still feeling crap, but less so now...Marmite on toast before I left. Yay.
Adam came over last night...TJ did as well, but James’ network broke or something and so he had to scarper before Adam had even arrived. James has a “buy my ass” shagdar profile...that made me laugh lots...
Adam eventually turned up having got lost a bit...about half an hour after TJ had to leave...
Whilst being fluey and not feeling too good, and trying to show Adam stuff on the server, I managed to shut down the wrong one. Which then failed to find a boot drive...so I suspect I may have to replace that at some point. Well, it’s over 4 years old I guess, so it’s done well...
Watched Fifth Element again, whilst I took the thing apart and poked it lots. Put it back together again and it all worked slightly better, giving me DNS and a working net connection again.
I had to use Microsoft Internet Connection Sharing for the interim. I feel dirty. And what do Microsoft do with packets? It’s SO SLOW...Jesus!
Made steak an chips, that was scrummy...proper chunky chips, cooked twice, in the correct way to make them golden brown, and all fluffy inside. Peppered steak flash griddled, medium rare for him, almost dead for me.
MMmmm.
OK, now I’m hungry. Bah.
He buggered off to meet some bloke and go strip at the Swan and I went to bed lots.
Woke up this morning almost feeling human, so today shall be my first day back at work. Rah
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These wounds won’t seem to heal...
Listening to Evanescence again.
pTunes appears to crash when I’m browsing plucker stuff and playing things in the background, which is a little disappointing.
Stayed up way too late last night creating new design stuff for the Freakcity v2 thing.
Now I have a headache. Ooops. Still, it’s not as bad as Peter’s, it was his birthday yesterday - he is a tad hungover. In fact, “This morning my wife smelt my breath and threw up” hungover
Just did photos for the intranet. Had to fill in a job description and stuff too - put “Make pretty designs work”. Hope they keep that in
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Mange
...as in eat 
Bought yummy steak on Monday night, cooked it last night with chunky sauteed chips and stuff...Nice.
Tho I should probably buy a slightly more expensive steak some time
Still...*grin*
Owen’s monitor has died, so I’ve sold him my one and just ordered a new one. On the up side, I’ll be able to do proper design with decent colours, on the down side, I’m skint.
Should probably sell my soul to someone at some point for moneh.
Busy at work mocking up from designs and creating new fun things to play with, as well as putting designs around struts to make some marvellous pages. Well, one marvellous page (so far )
Flash is fun when it doesn’t work right. Need to make it work ok in IE 5 on the mac...but my brain turned off so I gave up a bit and I’ll try again tomorrow morning.
Redoing design for the site...rah! I think it’ll look lovely. Everyone else will however disagree, knowing my luck
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Macs suck...
OK, so why does Safari have to have a slightly different take on the Javascript “Date” function that plain breaks everything...
Grr.
I should just leave it, but I kinda think we should be supporting it, even if it’s not officially...so I’m trying to work out why it has decided the date shouldn’t work in ISO standard form...grr.
Helped James with a load of Javascript last night - nice to see he’s making daft mistakes like me
Thought some more on what to do with freakciteh too...I think it needs a bit of a redesign and changearound...I just don’t know when I’m likely to find the time to do it
Sat online. Chatted to people. Got bugger all done. Felt knackered even though I’d done nothing. Ho hum, normal day...
Been thinking about an ad I keep seeing on the tube at the moment - for something called Pharmaton that helps you relieve “Daily Fatigue”...I’ve been feeling knackered for pretty much a few years now. Kinda like I’ll go to bed at 10pm, get up at 7 and still feel like I’ve been out until 3am drinking. I’ve tried to do stuff to not feel this way...caffiene, exercise, not going out during the week, but nothing seems to work. I sleep really lightly and wake up knackered, every single morning...
This stuff, Pharmaton, claims that it relieves daily fatigue and that clinical tests proved this - am a bit skeptical, as I’d not ever heard of “daily fatigue” and so I looked it up...ME is one of the things lumped under daily fatigue...and I have some of the symptoms of that, which is a tad worrying. So, either Pharmaton thingy will help, or I’ll have wasted a few quid...so I might give it a go...and I might go see my doctor about it too, because it’s getting to the point where I’m too tired to think clearly and my work is suffering.
OK, so a large part of that is depression, but it just seems to be getting worse, which isn’t good. It’s really a very big effort to get up in the mornings, I put off and off small things I have to do that really aren’t a big deal because my brain just can’t deal with them at the moment. I want to sleep all the time, sometimes I have to go out when I’m working and take a walk because I’m almost asleep at my desk.
It’s horrible...but I don’t really know what to do about it. Makes me grumpy. Makes me want to go out and get drunk.
I can’t remember the last time I felt well rested
I need to kick smoking again...but giving up is a big thing as well - it’s just hard...
I need a holiday. To get away from computers and stuff
So. I’m gonna get me some more vitamin pills. Am gonna try and get my bike sorted (as I think lack of exercise doesn’t help) and I’m gonna try these pill things and see if they have any kind of effect.
And I’m gonna try and not eat so much crap and eat better at home.
And if that all fails, then fuck it, I’m going to the doctor - and hopefully he’ll have a clue about it.
And I’m still not gonna take any anti depressants