Freakcity

AdamAlarming, blonde, comical, dizzy, evil, feculating, gratuitous, handsome, intellectual, jolly, kitten-ish, lovely, morish, nonse, opulant, precious, queen, ravisher, shopper, tall, undeniable, verocious, wanker, xenophobe, yellowed, zany; is how the alphabet would describe me

Bingowings’s blog

Getting laid ain’t easy

Thursday March 31st, 2005 at 15:48pm

Pah! Just pah! Honestly, a guy tries to get some sex, and it always fails. For some reason, instead of bumming me, blokes take it upon themselves to unload a lifetime of shit at my door. Granted, helping them out in these times of apparent crisis makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but I want to feel warm and fuzzy from shagging, and then I may feel satisfied too. I just wish if people would invite themselves back to yours for sex, they’d have the decency to actually have sex with you! On the other hand, everytime I go to the toilet, a swamp appears from my bum, so maybe it’s for the best ; )

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Pajama-poo

Tuesday March 22nd, 2005 at 13:42pm

Hmmm, I may have aquired food poisoning, I believe Scott has too, as we’ve both been sick, and are both pooing liquid. What I failed to realise as I tried to pass wind this morning is that liquid feels like gas in the bum, and so I accidentally may have done a liquid shat in my pajamas. Now is a time of mourning and of ritual burning I think, and a time to wobble away and curl up somewhere warm.

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Fame and notoriety

Friday March 4th, 2005 at 15:57pm

So there I was, sat down chugging through the inane banter of shagdar yesterday, when an offer jumped up and bit me. It was for a poster, for a play to be shown in Croydon in July, called Blowing Whistles. I gained nothing except tickets to the opening night, and the chance to say “That’s me up there” : ) So now you must all come along and see tha play, because I’m the poster boy for it : D

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Text-capades

Tuesday March 1st, 2005 at 8:42am

So I was taken out on Saturday. By whom, you might ask, well, the lovely fluffy Scott of course, which necessitated a visit to the glamourous XXL. We showed Wil around, and thought we’d scare him with the dark room, alas, it was I who was scared. I somehow managed to lose both Scott and Wil, and found myself clamped between an orgy of 5 fat men in a corner. Certainly it was interesting if nothing else, and more than mesmorising watching fat rolls jiggle and bounce up and down, rather like a human lava lamp. Having managed to escape, a mere hour after being captured by only the hairiest of voluptuous men, I found myself alone, for Scott and Wil had abandoned all hope of finding me alive and not suffocated, and had got a taxi home. It was to this end that I decided to follow..... home that is. Having been a fool and left my mobile at home, I decided to check it for missed calls and texts as one would upon such a reunion with technology. I found 9 texts, and for the purposes of this, 2 are irrelevant. The remaining 7 however, did serve to lighten my mood slightly, as sweat from largely obese men does tend to dampen that, and they go as follows :- “I’d wrap a blind fold tite around ur eyes, tie ur hands 2 the door handle then tie ur ankles 2getha, lift u up & slide myself between ur hairy thighs” but wait, that was just one text.... they followed on “my buldgin purple head stroking u & brushing against ur balls while i open the condom packet (how sweet he observes safe sex in texts - ed) i lube ur arse well, all wet n slippery, i grab ur thighs lift u 2 my waist level then slide my hard meat deep inside u, thrusting u, pumping u hard, my balls slappin against ur tite cheeks, u feel my warm precum inside u, as I bang u deeper, harder n faster, i grab ur stiff cock & start wankin u off hardcore pullin ur juicy foreskin right back makin u groan, my hand bangin against ur fat hairy balls as my shaft opens you wider & wider, stretchin ur moist tite boy cunt raw.” The next text I read went thus “Oh god im sorry wrong numba. X” swiftly followed by “Hey bud how r u 2day? just wanna apologise 4 msg earlier, was meant 2 go 2 m8 as wind up, woops! no hard feelings eh?” As this is someone I have yet to meet, I’m suddenly filled with reservations, is it really a case of mistaken identity, or a flimsy attempt to get me horny in my boy parts?! Either way I found myself amused by his beligerance, I can only hope his fool-hardishness continues to amuse and bemuse.

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