Words of the Day for August 2026
People leave us lovely words in the amusingly named dick, along with short, factual and concise definitions. No really. Here's this month's words so far...
Wednesday August 19th, 2026
being on-time
Caution. An error of the type ‘Gay’ has occurred. The request returned the following code.
Gay/being on-time: Does not compute.
Wednesday August 19th, 2026
Blair
Became PM without bingowings noticing for a whole year.
Wednesday August 19th, 2026
Doppler effect
The effect discovered by Christian Doppler of a change in frequency of a wave due to relative motion of the source or the receiver.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
Pam Ann
Fabulous air hostess comedian type thing. Hard to explain. Opened for Cher at Wembley (fnarr)
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
Central Trains
A Dead Parrot – See East Midlands Trains or London Midland
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
David Blunkett
Famous member of another group of people who can also appreciate the sheer horror of Artex
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
tea and muffins
a nicer way of saying “deep anal thrusting by random gaydar scary men”
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
sprouts
Hideous small green vegetable renowned for being eaten at Christmas in the UK with often ‘hilarious’ after-effects. The British believe this vile plant must be boiled for several weeks before consumption.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
Creme Egg
My most favouritest sweetie ever. Generally bought by me in large quantities and consumed post haste.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
Pescetarian
someone who thinks they are vegetarian because they don’t eat meat but they actually eat fish – so they are NOT a vegetarian.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
defenestration
Also a rather poor excuse for a “nu-metal” band from Wellingborough.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
david blunkett
Gone, good riddance, I wouldn’t ’ave ’im in the back of my cab anyway.
Tuesday August 18th, 2026
Spooning
The act of cuddling whilst lying facing in the same direction.
The spooner is the rearmost of the pair. The spoonee is the receiver of the spoon.
Positives for the spooner include having somewhere warm to park his winky. Negatives for the spooner can include ticklish back or neck hair making them want to sneeze and the danger of being splattered by flying faecal matter should the spoonee produce a wet fart.
Positives for the spoonee inlcude having an arm clutched around you and a general sense of well-being and security. Neagtives for the spoonee include having the dead weight of an arm crushing your ribs when the spooner falls asleep mid-cuddle
Monday August 17th, 2026
muppet
Inhabitant of Maputo, capital of Mozambique. Formerly Lourenzo Marques.
Oh gawd, I’ve just realized how terribly non-PC that is. What a muppet I am.
Monday August 17th, 2026
absinthe
Drink that makes you crawl around the floor banging it with your hands because “it sounds nice”.
Sunday August 16th, 2026
FTMI
mage’s favourite saying – “Far too much information”
Sometimes expanded into FTMFIROFFLIOLOL by people like spiritusmundispit because...well...he’s like that
Sunday August 16th, 2026
ronald hutton (prof)
Intelligent and marvellously barmy academic who was most recently seen presenting a BBC2 prog on 17th Century history to the preppy pop of a a Kylie soundtrack.
Sunday August 16th, 2026
special
You know...like the schools.
Verb.
"My mummy says I’m special"
Sunday August 16th, 2026
jamelia
(latin: jamelius superstarus)
Small, dark stemmed flower with fragrant swollen red petals. Grows best by itself in moist r’n’b rich soil. Last bloomed in 2004.
Sunday August 16th, 2026
Lazarus
Scott’s big laptop. compaq Evo N1020v. Somewhat broken (screenless) this runs headless in Scott’s livingroom as a rdesktop slave. Named after Lazarus Long, a character from Robert A Heinlein’s worlds of scifi
Sunday August 16th, 2026
javine
(latin: eurovisionii catastrophus)
Tall thin boney plant with horse shaped flower. Blooms once then fades away. Mainly found in west end nowadays nestled amongst Daddyee Coolus and Cindyus Eastenderus.
Sunday August 16th, 2026
Mr. Smirk
adj. a person characterized by a “sligo” look intending to cause sexual arousal.
Sunday August 16th, 2026
bnp
Bangladesh Nationalist Party, often to be seen canvassing in parts of East London and campaigning against the BNP, oh the irony!
Saturday August 15th, 2026
nutmeg
Powerful psychoactive whose effects include auditory, visual and spatial hallucinations, extreme lethargy, and a short-term memory which would make even the most extreme pot-head look like the World Memory Champion 1999. Raw material for Ecstasy.
Saturday August 15th, 2026
aconite
A deceptively intelligent and humourous social commentator based in one of the several backwaters of Northamptonshire 
Saturday August 15th, 2026
Alias
Flipsy show based on a couple of wigs the producers found in storage. Implausable story about a double-agent who travels the world to spy, but always ends up at a glamorous cocktail party with a fab hairpiece. Joyous and one or two fit men to boot. What’s not to love?
Saturday August 15th, 2026
twong
the noise an Italian makes when being twung over a river using a trebuchet on IRC
Saturday August 15th, 2026
Telepathy
Can’t be bothered to turn over the television
Saturday August 15th, 2026
peculiar
Falling out of fashion, unfortch. We all know what it means, but use it hardly ever enough.
Saturday August 15th, 2026
myspace
Social networking Website owned by Murdoch and full of emo kids whining about razorblades all over each other’s profiles
Saturday August 15th, 2026
Demoracy
The freedom to say as you please and do as you’re told
(Although some may question the first bit)
Saturday August 15th, 2026
gaydar
A collection of ugly munters who couldn’t pull in a bar full of blind men
Saturday August 15th, 2026
buggeration
Exclam. An exclamation of annoyance or surprise.
Saturday August 15th, 2026
C&C
Famous in the early 1990’s for their music factory.
Everybody dance now!
Friday August 14th, 2026
Gin (with tonic
I only drink it to stop from getting malaria. Lots of mosquitos breed on the Thames, dontchaknow; ask any Elizabethan.
Friday August 14th, 2026
Mobile Phone
A way to keep employees from having any real time to themselves.
Friday August 14th, 2026
Snot
Something (usually) green that hangs out of one’s nose. The best snot I have seen was an “episode” of snottery that happened when I was at primary school in 1989 by my friend Rachel Monnox
Friday August 14th, 2026
Pants
Clothing worn by men (and sometimes the ladies) to make me feel horny. The plainer the better
Friday August 14th, 2026
FeckArse
Moogal’s computer, named after watching a lot of Father Ted.
Friday August 14th, 2026
New Labour
Not as good as the original brand, and over-marketed...
Friday August 14th, 2026
Browns
Chain of swanky restaurants that are really quite expensive but generally so because they’re really quite nice
Friday August 14th, 2026
Speedophile
Some one who gets the horn out of men in Speedos
Friday August 14th, 2026
Monging
REQUIRES ONE TRUSTWORTHY, OPEN-MINDED FRIEND!
1. Go to a graveyard/morgue/crypt
2. Retrieve one body of a female (possibly by aid of shovel)
3. Proceed to carry out oral sex on said body
4. Brace as friend impacts on body’s abdomen with some force, exploding juices and gases into your face.
Strictly for use after no other ideas...
Friday August 14th, 2026
interesting fart
Usually caused by attempting subtlety, interesting farts are usually violet events of many colours and odours and are known by scientists to cause seepage, staining of underwear, a brief but powerful gamma ray burst and unpopularity if released in a social setting.
Friday August 14th, 2026
filth
The type of thing that makes you want to write to the Daily Mail in disgust about. Of course if you actually do this, then everyone you know will disown you and you know this to be the case. This leaves you in a permanent bad mood and eventually leads to breakdown and death
Friday August 14th, 2026
Xmas
Xmas is a terrible incurable afflication that affects many people the moment the clocks go back and then continue to cripple them financially and socially well into January.
Only Anti-Xmas antibiotics in the form of alcoholic beverages amongst non Xmas suffers can save us
Friday August 14th, 2026
Old People
You can’t wind the up: they can’t hear or see you.
Thursday August 13th, 2026
japan
A vile country, with odd customs, strange little xenophobic people and inedible food.
Cold too.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
Freedoms
Free condoms available on London’s gay scene, distributed by various Health Promotion Service outreach projects (you know, Condoms for Gays and Crack Whores, and needles for Drug addicts...)
The good thing is that they’re free and readily available for when you want a shag. They also include very explicit instructions in the activity of bumsex, just in case you didn’t know how.
The down side is that you cannot use not having a condom as an excuse for declining sex. “Sorry, Not tonight I’m washing my cock.”
And the other downside is that the condoms in the packs are made of uber thick, bycicle inner-tube rubber, and look and smell rubbery and require 3 strong nurses to pull them on your willy. Or something.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
arsebreath
the noxious fumes that emenate during a trouser cough
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
IQ
IQ Points.
If you collect enough of these you can join Mensa, which is Latin for table. Why the hell you would want to join a table is beyond me.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
graham
A sort of sad, overly self-obsessed, Irish comic of the Norton variety eaten by Americans. They have no idea it might have been funny at one time.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
dogs are barking
Phrs. (One’s) feet are tired and aching. E.g."Do you mind if I sit down, my dogs are barking!"
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
cabbaged
Adj. Intoxicated to a state of uselessness. From being in a vegetative state.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
1. (n.) Sperm
2. (v.) to Sperm
3. (v.) to fuck up
1. I find bounty to be the only truly effective method of absorbing my spaff.
2. Oh my god, I’m so sorry but I’ve spaffed in your otherwise delicious macaroni cheese.
3. You’ve proper spaffed that up. Boyo.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
Clubbing
Whacking someone over the head with a bit of wood.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
Nurses
People who are apparently meant to care for the sick and infirm. Going on experience of some nurses over the phone, I wouldn’t trust them with my Teddy...
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
marmite
Lovely, tasty, full of Vitamin B. Great on toast.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
gaysbo
A gazebo for gays. Or possibly a gay gazebo (ie it looks pretty but isn’t terribly useful, just like a gay)
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
Simon Pegg
Fit actor who no one has heard of
i have yet to find someone who does
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
Tanqueray
Decent gin. My preference. Wonderful stuff, particularly the stuff we export. Nice green bottle too
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
feelie
something pleasantly tactile, such as velvet, silk, suede or foreskin; someone who enjoys the feel of feelie things.
Wednesday August 12th, 2026
danube goal
n. a serious wicked plan to accomplish within “five days” under ad hoc or else...
Tuesday August 11th, 2026
zombies
Zombies were doped with Tetrodotoxin (TTX) derived from Puffa Fish (a delicacy in Japan, eat carefully), TTX is also used for treating Prostate Cancer, something to do with Sodium Channels.
Tuesday August 11th, 2026
FuckShitPissWillyBollocks
Can also be abbreviated to FSPWB if swearing in a hurry.
Tuesday August 11th, 2026
looking at computer screens
The one thing in Dick I have never done...
Monday August 10th, 2026
Bejiggity
adj. To get all worked up about something, to the point of obssession. As Christina is about Peter in The Sweetest Thing.
“You are so bejiggity”
“I am not bejiggity about Peter”
"Oh my god. You named him"
Sunday August 9th, 2026
fannybatter
crufty and vile concept of dried juices being all crispy, like batter.
Ick
Sunday August 9th, 2026
angel
Spin off from Buffy that went on for 5 seasons and eventually grew into its own show with its own backplot and everything
Sunday August 9th, 2026
northampton
Where you’re worth as much as your trainers and mobile phone.
Sunday August 9th, 2026
Oleophobic
Someone who hates oil and doesn’t think it should have equal rights. Probably secretly oil based themselves.
Sunday August 9th, 2026
Meatover
Noun. Like a hangover, but after too much burger. Often happens after a visit to The Bird
Sunday August 9th, 2026
jaded
Jaded – (adj) to be racially bullied by a monkey of lower than average
intelligence (usually fem.).
Sunday August 9th, 2026
scottage
pronounched Scot-t-age – a kind of soup not made by Ena Baxter
Sunday August 9th, 2026
Shut
Pedestrian-only passageway in central Shrewsbury. There are over 20 in the town and many of them are medieval in origin. As used in the phrase "Many visitors enjoy exploring the hidden shuts and passages of Shrewsbury"
Saturday August 8th, 2026
gin
Serve with a *whiff* of tonic, with ice and slice.
Decent gins: Tanqueray & Hendricks’. Bomb.Saph == vaguely acceptable.
Saturday August 8th, 2026
Q-Bert
A really sodding difficult game that I am obsessed with...and have finally made it to the fourth level.....go me!
Saturday August 8th, 2026
Mash Potato
potatos, abused with some kind of squishing device until lumpy and unedible.
Friday August 7th, 2026
Bukkake
Where mummy and daddy and daddy and daddy and daddy and daddy and daddy decide mummy needs a new facial.
Friday August 7th, 2026
FuckShitPissWillyBollocks
What you say when you’ve just bashed your head on something by accident.
Friday August 7th, 2026
buffy
A television show full of CIA subliminal suggestions to turn gay men straight.
Friday August 7th, 2026
barbican
crap alcohol free beer that tastes like piss – once advertised by Sean Bean. – still available in Saudi Arabia!
Friday August 7th, 2026
cocaine
An orgasm wrapped in pure confidence, more addictive than sex but slightly cheaper if you’re having trouble pulling. Will convince you that you’re the most important, scintillating and fabulous person in existence; will convince everyone else that you’re a complete twat.
Coke has been called the rich-man’s speed: This is about as accurate as calling sex a more exciting form of aerobics.
Friday August 7th, 2026
Twatty Hat Day
Twatty Hat Day
It stems from my time of working at the garden centre. It generally happens around christmas/new year period where people are seen out in public in the most revolting hats know to man.
Friday August 7th, 2026
You Cube
Where the Borg post videos of their assimilations on the internet
Friday August 7th, 2026
Northampton
A place too large to be a town and too small to be a city. Entered into the Guiness Book of Records in 1962 for having the most Freaks per square inch than any other place this side of the Urals. Famous for shoemaking, excessive amounts of rain, frequent traffic-light blackouts. One train station, no reputable taxi service
Friday August 7th, 2026
puddings
Tasty later course(s) in meals. Apple crumble and creamy custard, for example.
Friday August 7th, 2026
the doctor
A time lord, now the last of his species. Does a lot of meddling on, in and around the planet Earth. Has many enemies including Daleks, Cybermen and Autons.
Friday August 7th, 2026
sci fi
Jason’s Mum pronounces this “skiffy” and does not like it when Jason’s Dad has it on the TV.
Friday August 7th, 2026
Ultraviolet
Electromagnetic radiation with a wavelength shorter than that of visible light.
Friday August 7th, 2026
skeptic’s annotated bible
Is immensly useful, and also occaisonally funny. Feel free to quote from at will to annoy evangelists.
Friday August 7th, 2026
conservatives
Ann Winterton... say no more..
the party for Cheshire, surrey, kent, sussex and Hertfordshire...
Friday August 7th, 2026
being on-time
Something I rarely do, except in times of crisis, or if I want to scare friends
Thursday August 6th, 2026
Sunderland
A big city in the north east.
Known in the past for mining and ship building.
It now has a large university.
Thursday August 6th, 2026
LOL
“Laugh out loud”
Variations include “ROFL” – roll on floor laughing
“LOVL” – Laugh out very loud (with as many Vs as necessary)
and “LMAO” – laugh my ass off.
Thursday August 6th, 2026
scott
Surname of a blonde lovely whose first name was Serena. First came into our bleak little lives when she appeared on Breakfast Television with other notable celebrities of the day. Later went on to present The Clothes Show with Jeff Banks. Who is a short arse. Who also would not know clothes design if it came up to him, ripped his clothes off, gave him the best rodgering he’d ever had, doused itself in petrol, and set itself alight with the words, "Oi you short-arse git Banksy, I’m Clothes Design!"
Thursday August 6th, 2026
Pub Quizzes
Collections of like minded superiors who do battle for ghastly amounts of booze, money, food and uranium by answering as many questions as they can correctly in a set amount of time
......well not uranium really, that would be plain silly and tres dangerouse
Thursday August 6th, 2026
chav
If your definition of a good time is putting on your best Burberry knockoff hat, fake Nike trainers and the entire of the Elizabeth Duke collection all at once, going out, buying some unidentified pills with smiley faces on with your dole money and then taking them whilst at home watching Trisha then you’re probably a chav.
Or replace the pills with gin and you’re probably fruitbat
Either way, you’ll end up with 6 children, a wife with unappealing tobacco breath and large gold hoopy earrings and a satellite dish bolted to the side of your council flat.
See link below
Thursday August 6th, 2026
flapping
What one does in lieu of actual work in an office if one is management and there is a deadline approaching.
Generally slows down work for everyone else, forcing them to work late, but makes you feel better.
Thursday August 6th, 2026
Swansea
Town Edward lied to Tubs about -"You lied Edward there is a Swansea"
Thursday August 6th, 2026
trouser cough
Accidental explosion of arsebreath from one’s sphincter. Oft accompanied by giggling and screaming if either mogwai or Scott are involved
Wednesday August 5th, 2026
David Blunkett
Rather cute (?) politician who of whom many freakcity dwellers love to hate
Wednesday August 5th, 2026
RKS
Robert ‘Tango Kid’ Kilroy-Silk. One-time daytime-tv presenter, once Labour MP, once UKIP MEP, now ‘Veritas’ or something like that.
Information correct at time of going to press...
Wednesday August 5th, 2026
Huggle
Has to be the most annoying word ever. Overused by infuriatingly lovey-dovey chat room addicts to gaim favour among the chat rooms addicts with a higher social rank.
Wednesday August 5th, 2026
boffins
People like this: www.traintesting.com/images/HST_York_1973.jpg
Tuesday August 4th, 2026
colouring in
Involving using felt tip pens and a colouring book.
Going over the lines is considered "wrong"
Monday August 3rd, 2026
Donnie Darko
Very very cool film starring a bloke called Jake Gyllenhaal – info about it can be found on its website, which was produced by the same amazing people who did the RequiemForADream website. Don’t really know how to explain the film, other than to say it’s amazingly good if a little confusing
Monday August 3rd, 2026
standing
The act of not sitting, being in an upright and locked position...like on planes very similar to but not entirely unlike the act of being arrested
Monday August 3rd, 2026
Lucky dip day
When you run out of clean pants then find a pair rummaging in the laundry bin
Monday August 3rd, 2026
Seagulling
The act of getting close to climax, then finishing off out a window, preferably in a high-rise flat. It’s lucky if you’re hit, don’t you know.
Monday August 3rd, 2026
cycling
transport designed for The Nederlands, Belgie, Cambridgsehire and Lincolnshire (holland)
Monday August 3rd, 2026
Fart
Something I just subjected stikki to. And now she’s run away 
Monday August 3rd, 2026
Emos
Basicly posers who think that playing insterments badly and singing about things that wont matter in three weeks makes them cool.
See- Protests child labor while buying from Hot Topic
Sunday August 2nd, 2026
layogenic
<la.yo.jenik> adj. likely to look attractive from a distance
Saturday August 1st, 2026
Men
Like Women, but with willies and no tits (well most are)
Saturday August 1st, 2026
downtime
A time-phase of inner searching to understand and ponder upon a problem/question/activity that may or may not be related to recent events. Signified by the subject going quiet and sometimes muttering to himself for long periods of time. Known to last from 30 minutes to 3 hours.
Saturday August 1st, 2026
camp queens
Something to point at and laugh at of a Saturday evening.
Saturday August 1st, 2026
Mash Potato
“Everybody knows Badger loves.... Mash Potato!”
the series got banned by the RSCPA as city kids killed rural badgers with packs of Cadburys Smash