Scott’s blog
Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
Meat Reiki
I am a meat popsicle.
My Aunt has cancer and is considering training to become a Reiki instructor. Only it’s a lot of money. So, dear reader, should healing be charged for? I am in two minds. If it’s a way to make ends meet I suppose I wouldn’t mind. But if it’s a bored Essex housewife thinking of ways of buying more gin I’d object. Bah. Why does she do silly things like this? Faith healing is about the faith. Believe something strongly enough and you can make it so. It’s not about what you learn. Then again, the rite and rhyme of it all instills faith. If it doesn’t work then it’s because you did it wrong, so you do it again. Unlike blind faith, whereby if you do it wrong it’s because it was a silly idea to start with.
Still, at least she’s got the faith there. And as I said, she feels fine, can’t really tell about the illness, I think it’s in check.
I suggested she go to Glastonbury or somewhere and find out from proper people about proper healers. Hopefully she’ll do that 
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fucknuts
Somewhat up in the air, filled with expectations that never come to fruition. I am empty, alone in the cold. I feel I can never be whole. I am lost in an ocean of predictability. One turn leads here, another leads there. I have shut one door and am just waiting for another to open.
Warren got a flat.
I get pretentious when I eat salmon.
Bumped into Griff on the way home, he just moved to London. Failed to go home and instead rolled around the floor in Barcode for a time, admiring the £1 a drinkness of it all. Trust Fund Baby James sent me messages on gaydar at 1am. Good GOD is he hot!
Was two hours late for work as I accidentally drank far too much. Whoops! Although Lloyd had a little to do with the lateness. Grr 
Warren apparently stayed up until 6am chatting with Tom. Hur. If they weren’t both such girly bottoms they’d make a fantastic couple 
Tom is going to be working just down the road in Greenwich. So might get to see him a bit more...
Have a date some time this week (will be texted) with a 31yr old. Just to confuse people, see...
Not now seeing David tonight as he appears to be hiding from me. Shall write to Dan instead.
Went to the Swan but don’t remember it. Hah! Apparently fell off a barstool. So now I’m not going to drink any longer. Honest.
Have twiglets 
Contacted Chris. But promised him I’d not mention him any more in the blog, because apparently he has “no respect” for anyone who reads it. Therefore all of you lot are obviously wrong and he’s evidently right. Anyways. I’m not mentioning him, and certainly not mentioning the fact I gave him an olive branch and he seemingly threw it back in my face. Sigh.
I shall lick my wounds, call men a bunch of bastards and sulk for a bit longer but in the end I’ll be ok. And in the end, João is right.
Still doesn’t make me happy. Only he can make me happy 
So, I’m dedicating this song to the men of the world. It’s by the Beautiful South and rather special...
I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing
Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the prs cheques, that you bring
Cheap, never cheap
I’ll sing you songs till you’re asleep
When you’ve gone upstairs I’ll creep
And write it all down
Oh shirley, oh deborah, oh julie, oh jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
I forget your name
I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry
Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry
Oh cathy, oh alison, oh phillipa, oh sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, alison, phillipa, sue, deborah, annabel, too
I wrote this song for you
So let me talk about mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds
After all is said and done, I am still me. I may need to recover, I may need to rearrange, but I will be fine. I have sorted many things out in my head over the last few weeks and I am in a place I can be, if not happy, at least sane. I have decided to stay single for a while. Possibly a long while (sorry Lloyd!) and basically chill out. I have the love of a few good people. I have people around me I care about and who care about me. I just can’t be doing with any more fucked up chasers in my life at the moment. I think I have plenty as it is
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woo!
have found Dan. Have an address to write to, hopefully I can go see him and say hello. Somewhat relieved lots
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Bloggs
Season 3 of League of Gentlemen is pretty damn good. Not as many moments of genius as the previous season but pretty good. In all the fun on Friday I forgot to mention I’d watched it at last.
Friday Thought about turning my blog off, so did. Went for a walk and changed my mind. It’s my life, don’t really much care who reads it.
Finished at 6 and went to Retro. Warren was seeing a room in Wood Green with Lloyd and so I was left alone! with Skywalker, Scareglow and mage. We drank a little too much. Lots of people turned up including Gaz, Sunin, mogwai, anandamide, straylight and...er... My head was fuzzy. Damn 1664 . Warren arrived and I thanked him for his enlightening blog comment. Lloyd did too and I gave him a big hug. He had a date (aww!) which I’ll let him talk about. So we got a new freak outta it too. Lloyd suggested we have a race to see which of us could get more chubs/chasers on the site. *cackle*.
JamesBass was working so I asked him if he fancied Swanning and he agreed. Went with Justin to buy fags (he wanted an Euromillions ticket). The queue of the great unwashed was fantastic...
Headed back to Retro for *even more* beer. A Sunin arrived. He’d driven from Telford to Retro and managed to park outside. Outstanding!
So we drove to the Swan and dumped the Suninmobile outside and entered. Drank *even more* beer and chatted to people bout stuff. Sunin drank triples.
James turned up and I possibly fell off a barstool. Apparently. I think they make these things up to embarass me. Left earlyish with James and Lloyd. Apparently, according to Sunin and his blog, TJ got so drunk he fell over in the newsagents into all the crisps. Rah!
Went to bed.
Up earlyish on Saturday Left James in bed whilst Lloyd and I walked Sunin down to the Swan to collect the car. Mogs was dead to the world. Went to Lidl to buy breakfast stuff (and be horribly amused by chavs). I challenged Sunin to find any alcohol he would drink there. Bwahaha. Headed home and made everyone breakfast. Sunin drove Lloyd home so he could change clothes. I went back to bed. Still no sign of Mogs
Chatted with James about stuff. Hugged lots. Generally lounged about. Apparently he may have a gig travelling round Ireland, which sounds very cool. He left at 5ish and I got up and started herding the cats that are #freakcityers into some semblence of shape for the night. Mogs surfaced and groaned. Gayboys got back and we all deminged and dressed appropriately for our big night out. Chasinbears decided to come out too, which is cool. Been chatting to him on and off for ages and was kinda excited I’d actually get to meet him. hillbilly was also meant to be coming but forgot that he had no credit on his phone so couldn’t call me to meet me. The silly billy
I wore my suit, mostly to scare people...but partly because I’d forgotten to put a wash on (just don’t tell anyone...)
Had decided to go to Chez Gerard for steak and then pick people up at Retro. Got to Chez Gerard to be told there’d be a 45 minute wait for a table. Wah! So went to Pizza Express on the Strand instead for a cuatro formaggio. Toodled to Retro to find casparian who hasn’t been out in forever, zzzp, mattnottm (who has decided he should be “Mattingham” when he moves to Brum...think Jules helped with that one)... buffster was also there and being amused by Matt being a tad sloshed. Slowly extracted Matt from Retro and then wandered to the RV1 to get to the Arches for about 11ish. Which was pretty good as we were aiming for 10:30 and are gay.
I’ve decided to do another “no drinking” thing for a while - I need to let my body recover a bit from too many late nights and too many beers/fags. So I was on J2O all night and got to watch MattDrunk and suninPossiblyDrunkButVeryQuiet. Bumped into kingdingaling and said hello. He’s called Chris, so any mention of a Chris at XXL wasn’t my
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grr.
Oh good god. I’ve got nothing done today (well, that’s not true, it’s just been tricky). I always suspected he’d been unfaithful...Warren confirmed it. Ah well. I was probably right on the whole irony thing I mentioned a few weeks ago then. “you can’t help who you love”. True enough, but you don’t go looking for love when you’re with someone. If karma is in any way shape or form fair at all, well, he’ll lose us both. And hopefully learn from it. But what do I know. My head’s too far up my arse to tell... :S
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We used to be friends, a long time ago...
Just watched 2.09 of Veronica Mars. Watching Alyson Hannigan outbitch Charisma Carpenter was fantastic. I suspect there’s not a single Buffy fan who wouldn’t like Veronica Mars. Sadly, in a typical brainfart moment (yet again) UK viewers can either watch it on UK Livin (yick) or p2p it. Jesus! This is something that gives Lost a run for its money, it’s exec produced by Joel Silver for chrissakes. You’d think the Beeb would be clever for once in its long life?
kylock who I chatted to a while ago online appears to have joined freakcity at some point and started a very amusing thread. (thread 1810) which has horrified everyone else. I think he’ll fit in well
Chose to do the blog thing and then race to work on the tube on the morning that the Central Line decided to moan like a bitch and then collapse under the weight of its own radio signals. Cocksuckers.
Watched the banned Southpark about Scientology. Was outstanding. “Dad! Tom Cruise won’t come out of the closet!”. The credits are cool. Every single name is either John Smith or Jane Smith. And there’s this whole exposition thing in the middle about alien souls and a big galactic overlord which is emblazoned with “Scientologists really believe this”.
My songs still aren’t live on MySpace. Now it reads “Music Profiles Edit is Temporarily Disabled for routine maitenance. Please check back in an hour.”. Crappy site. Maybe I should make a proper UK music thing and get sponsorship or summat. Might talk to plucker and see if he wants to make it part of his project too. Or maybe I’ll just finish www.scottjoyce.net and try and earn some dosh first. That might be a better plan
Payday today. Should be fairly rich this month for a change as I’ve paid off the last of my big debts from moving. So I might suggest to Mr Possom that we do something fun soon, if we can manage to keep our fragile friendship alive without trying to kill each other before we manage to meet up again. He suggested next weekend, so will see if it works out.
XXL tomorrow. May sauna tonight. Music tomorrow. Still need a guitarist (Hmm. Wonder if Kris is still London bound?). Wish I was still in contact with Matt from Norwich - he was the best guitarist I ever ever worked with. And I’m still pissed off with the fact I lost the original of his solo for my song. I have a shit tape copy that I mp3d, but it’s just not the same. I now have experience of cleaning analogue signals and could do a much better job.
I added him to two songs. I think I might have the tapes somewhere, so I might mp3 the other one and see if I can work it out. I might also mp3 my live version of the Fog with Feg on sax and Culling on guitar/drums/vocals and me on grand piano/keyboards/bass/fx. I miss my ickle tascam sometimes, even tho N-Track Studio gives me far better quality...
If I can’t find a guitarist I might just have to play on my own stuff. Scary!
Nikki! Come visit!
So. eyesclosed might be visiting this weekend. My family might be visiting Sunday so I can fix Oli’s computer. Busy weekend. Will attempt to do it sober(ish) too
Chris isn’t online. I never know if that’s because he’s a) busy at work, b) skiving after going out in London (even though one of the things he bitched at me about was that he couldn’t get to London to see me because it cost too much. Grr ) or c) he’s blocked me because somehow I’ve upset him again. Bah. I wish he’d just chill a bit and talk to me about stuff so I don’t get all jumpy when he’s not there. He told me yesterday that he never told me the real reason he split up with me because it’d destroy me. Which means it’s either one of the things I told him that James had told me about me or it’s because I was a brainfart when pissed one time and told him something I shouldn’t have. At a guess it’s probably a bit of both. With a dose of his friends thrown in for good measure. When will he learn that gays aren’t 19yr old girls and don’t live by their rule
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New Blog!
Righty. You can now post journals in the beta providing you don’t want to add an image. That functionality will return when we go live
I’ll bung in some extra bits later...
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random
Chatting on and off with Chris all day. Mostly it’s been good...so am hoping when he reads the above he understands that I wrote it on the bus, before I’d talked to him, I hope he understands where I was coming from and understands that that’s not exactly how I feel now. It’s all good I guess. More work needed, but hey, it’s fun. I don’t really wanna let him go any more than he wants to let me go I think...I dunno. He moaned coz I don’t talk about him enough in my journal, the cheek
Ah well...what happens happens, who knows the shape of the future?
Got the look and feel stuff to work fine in IE but die spectacularly in firefox. And I feel sick and ill. So probably not going to run off to the sauna tonight, probably just going to go home and sleeep lots and lots. And hope that I actually manage sleep this time.
Weird dreams last night. Waking dreams. Can’t really remember any of it apart from the uncertainty present in it all. Woke up thinking it was Friday, was crushed when it only appeared to be Thursday. Bah!
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blurgh.
Went for a beer with Lloyd on Tues (bored, crap day at work fighting with CSS). Met at Retro then headed to CXR coz it was happy hour. Lloyd headed off to Ronnie Scotts to meet Jack and I hung around in a dark corner watching people. Dom decided he couldn’t make it to see me so chatted a bit via text about things. Also chatted to Owen some. Possibly gave him a bit of a hard time - soz.
Lloyd could tell I was sad so took me home after he finished listening to the coolest jazz ever.
Awake earlyish but failed to get up. Bad head. Bleh! So got the tube in for a change. Said bye to Lloyd at Holborn and then slipped quietly into work unnoticed. Chris back at work meant David was busy. Almost done with the new look and feel.
Slow day. Warren gave me rent though, which was cool. My Chris seems to be avoiding me and/or doing cockish things which he must know could hurt me. Which is odd as he was being all lovey dovey on the phone Monday, telling me how he missed me and how sexy I looked. Odd. “Chris, you sucking my cock is the greatest thrill I have ever felt” read his MSN name this morning. I was surprised by a) it not hurting me and b) my indifference. He’s also removed me from his MySpace top 8 friends. I’m now at the bottom of page 4. Tsk. Ah well, *he* dumped *me*, fuck it. It’s like talking to two different people sometimes...the rest of the time he’s going through the motions, like he’s not actually there. He told me he wants to see me but that he can’t right now. But that he wants to, like that’s meant to mean something. If I wanted to see someone I’d move heaven and earth to see them, full stop. Words mean nothing, actions are what count.
I guess the ball’s in his court. He knows where I am if he wants me, but to be honest, I can’t deal with him changing his mind over and over about what he wants any more.
Created a Myspace music account for ethos. Will attempt to finish writing stuff soon. Almost finished the (strange and bizarre) album I’m doing, just need to rerecord the vocals in a couple of places. I also need to borrow a guitarrist and a Mozza - still haven’t written out the sax part for him yet. Woops!
XXL Sat night. Possibly saunaing on Friday night with Warren too. Family on Sunday. Gonna book tickets to Leeds soon as Deev misses getting drunk with me in drag bars because DanLad is far too butch to go to them. Yeah right.
www.myspace.com/ethosuk - songs will appear as soon as their shonky streaming server catches up
And now, Season 2, episode 8 of Veronica Mars 
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*ahem*
hello scott, we can talk to shut this out it is not scam okay and i am nbot from nigeria atall when u add me to my yahoo id will chat well and talk well okay . love from dennis ========================================= i see you very phantastic for one night, only i say you that when you came for here, write me a note in my e-mail, [email protected] ========================================= Which one should I choose to be my new boyfriend?
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Hur.
bwahaha Just been sent round work...
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hur.
From: Scott van Looy
love from Scott xx
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Received: from [209.159.170.66] by web53511.mail.yahoo.com via HTTP; Tue,
24 Jan 2006 02:03:43 PST
Today dennis emiemie did spake thusly:
> hello dude,
>
> thanks for swift response to my last email ,as i told u that i am coming to ur country i
> will really need ur assistance for something ,
> there is a customer of my late father that wants to pay him some amount and he always
> ask for backlays account which i don’t have here in the state and that is the only mix of
> him sending me the funds as it was on agreement within him and my late father .
> in order for him to stress me on this he told me to give him my account the funds could
> be sent to which is backlays account .when i saw ur profile i later see u as my taste and
> i want to meet u in person ,if u could help me for this the funds will just been transfer
> to the account and u will help me for withdraw it from the backlays account and send to
> me in the state ,i don’t mind of giving u 200pounds for helping me for this and when i get
> to ur country we will meet in person and talk to know more of each other .
>
> love from dennis
>
>
> Scott
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I’m under YOUR spell
OW! (Small).JPG Veronica Mars is fast becoming rather excellent. And I’m becoming very fond of Bus TV. I just watched Joss “acting” and he was pretty good at it too
Work was slow. Wrote some music when I got in. Half a song done - may do more tonight, if not then at the weekend.
Left early today. Fucking annoying that I’m stuck in traffic.
Walked back down back alleys from Bow. It was a nice night for it. Possibly shouldn’t have on my stabbed foot but hey. It went all pretty colours.
Had an early night but couldn’t sleep. Got up again in time for Chris to get back from the pub, quite by accident. He called and we chatted some. Was really good to hear his voice
I think that if we both want it things will be ok between us. And I hope we stay close
Got up this morning to sun and roads and frost and pink skies. Took photos. They’re on my flickr and purty...
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Ow!
Accidentally stabbed my foot on my desk. Watched more Veronica Mars. Slept *really* badly. Got paid rent. So it’s all good. Caught up with Dominik online, probably going to meet up with him some time and catch up - sounds like he’s been having fun
Hungry and woke up to find mogs ate all the looroll. So left for work after doing the business with disposable hankies. Damn I’m classy
Last ever Windypops tonight - am going to pop in and wave I think. Tried to do some Freakcity but my head went “bleh!” so I didn’t. Oh well...
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broken
urg. Head hurty. I found a 24hr drinking place in London. It’s XXL. They open until 6am...scary.
Went for drinks with William on Friday evening, just a couple. Was good to see him...did CXR and chatted lots. He came to the same conclusion as I did when I explained my recent history...so all’s good. Went home and found a rich mogs had bought me beer (blessim). Watched ep1 of Veronica Mars S2 with him (my Palm plays fullscreen DivX with no framedrops at all now. How fucking cool is that?) and it was so exciting we went and watched Ep2 afterwards. Then after a fag we watched the first ever Mary Whitehouse Experience and went to sleep.
Mumsy came to visit yesterday, took her down the river (we narrowly avoided the whale) and then past Retro to Waga in Cov Gdn. They’d never been to a Waga before and were all excited. Food, as ever, was excellent. The waitress impressed us by not beaming our order to the kitchen as we told her it, but memorising it without writing anything down. Left there and wandered through Soho to Oxford St.
Got xmas prezzies. Gave them Firefly because I think she’ll love it. I got Aerial and an alarm clock radio in return. My aunt doesn’t like “A sky of honey” at all. NO taste whatsoever. Bah!
Shopped for coats. Failed. Showed Mum where I work. Missed the last boat home so walked to Aldgate for bussy goodness. Got back at quarter to 8...said goodbyes and zoomed to the busstop to get into town for Serenity at 8:45. Buses fucked.
Waited at Aldgate for a 25 until 8:30 then relented and got a cab. Took him fifteen fucking minutes to Leicester Sq. Yay!
Serenity at PCC was cool. Predictably it was mostly fanboys. I was wearing my Blue Sun tshirt but no-one noticed.
You are in the PRINCE CHARLES THEATRE.
On your left you see a Justin, on your right is a Sunin. Towards the front billow large red curtains covering the silver screen. Behind you appear to be three rows of jolly laughing men.
There is an Igster here
>
Predictably I ignorised him by making myself invisible. Sad but fucking true, I spent most of the time getting to the cinema with the fantasy that somehow, somewhere, somewhy, Chris would be waiting outside for me and suddenly everything would be right again. Predictably, this didn’t happen. I see the good in everyone and wait for them to be exceptional, just so I can be disappointed yet again. Ahem. OK, so that bit’s my problem...
Only Kate could write a song about doing the washing and make it incredibly deep and emotional
Cinema ended. Spotted more continuity flaws, such as Inara’s bow and arrow that in some scenes is replaced by a CG thing but some scenes isn’t. Figured out the Barn Swallow thing, whomever it was that thought it was a continuity error was a fucking fool ("how did the reavers get in front of them, they were behind them!" Well, because the Mule *turned round*, dumbass)
Left PCC, avoided Thingbox, wandered to Retro to meet mattnottm and then went to the Swan with him and Sunin
Cuteness all over the place at the Swan, which was a surprise. Had a couple of drinkies and then suggested to them both that it’d be a bad idea to go to XXL wouldn’t it? Sunin obviously said “yay” and Matt went home to mine. Arrived at XXL, bursting for the loo, pissing happily and I recognised the face in the mirror, it was Craig, who I’ve been chatting to randomly forever online. Ran off with Sunin to find a bank machine (as the cab search had been unsuccessful) - Gnatwest were doing maintenance last night between 2-6 so all cashpoints were unavailable.
Ran back but lost Craig. Found James (jamesbass) in leather wearing a dog collar. Wahey He was just leaving tho...will invite him next weekend I think.
Found the bar. Found out they were open until 6 and served beer until 6...*broken*
Craig reappeared. Seems a lovely bloke, seemed happy to see me too. Has a lovely smile. Invited him al
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yay.
No syph, hep A or hep B. I’m not going to die a Darla-esque death and be turned into a vampire
Shots start next week (as I have to sort the gas out tonight). My work is never done...
Fapple.
No more trapped-in-lift people. I miss it, I really do. It brightened up my day...
Installed a new DivX player on the lil Tungsten so I might be able to watch Veronica on the way home
Tonight I will be mostly tidying and vacuuming and changing bedclothes and drying washing and sorting out gas and possibly coding too. Maybe I can make the add new blog thing work at least...
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Oh god.
The company Warren works for is operating illegally. Bah. Poor thing! He has to find a new job now...
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I live for you in my dreams...
I had a lovely lil Journal entry all mapped out, scribbled lovingly in Grafiti for you and then lo! Veronica Mars ate my PDA and I had to wipe it all.
So...gist of things was this:
After last night’s MegaBlog™ I decided to write a small one this morning, as I was going to watch Veronica Mars on the way in. I have this ickle thing that reencodes mpeg-4 video, see, so it’ll fit on my SD card and I can watch it on the bus...
Yesterday. Worked. Chatted to Chris. Stayed until 7pm. Was a bit strange. We’d been having trouble with the lifts all day. Can’t be annoyed with someone when in the background you keep hearing people getting stuck in the lift next to your desk. *types deep meaningful stuff* *interrupted by “beep beep beep” and then “Hey! Help!”. This carried on every five-ten minutes from 6 until 7. The fun.
Went home. Got off at Aldgate because I needed to think and walked the rest of the way home. It was a nice night and I didn’t get stabbed. Which is kinda unusual for this time of year in East London.
Got in at 9 and wrote solidly from 9-11:30. Well, with interruptions from me going “ohfuck” at the gas bill and Mother phoning.
I’m seeing her and Andy tomorrow, we’re gonna traipse round London and do lunch and look at pretty pretty things in Covent Garden.
Oli phoned at some point in the week. I had no idea who it was as his voice has broken now, so was stumped for a few sentences. Eventually I worked it out, everyone has unique speech patterns. He’d been moving hard drives around in his PC and it’d broken. Gave him three beeps on startup (if I remember the BIOS manufacturer correctly, that’s unseated CPU and/or RAM). Told him what to do to check the drive was in the correct master/slave mode (steady sunin ) but to no avail. His mum and my mum are both like “Oh my god, it’s like having a little Scott again” and I’m just so proud of him
I knew showing him the inside of a PC at 13 was a good idea!
So hopefully mum’s going to drop his PC round when she visits and I’ll see if I can fix it. My godson the PC engineer. Awwh!
Encoded Veronica Mars and loaded up my Palm all excited like. But it died. MMPlayer is teh gay. when I restarted it it’d eaten my memory and the poor ickle thing needed a complete wipe (byebye bloggy).
Kept my Serenity tshirt for the weekend. You know, I think cinderella may very well go to the ball without the prince...
Bed at 11:30. Slept properly for the first time in weeks. Good god writing is good for you.
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Green eyed monster
The love of loss Been listening to old bands again. This song is beautiful, bittersweet and reminds me of Mark. The lyrics are fabulous.
Green eyed monster.
You used to turn me on
Now you just turn me away
You used to make me smile
Now you just make me sigh
Why do I break down and cry?
Tried to wear you as a jewel
Chose to wear you as a bruise
And I put my faith in you
Now I’m walking in my own shoes
Why do I break down and cry?
Oh...So I’m a green eyed monster
Oh yeah.
Oh...So I’m a green eyed monster
Yeah...Oh...
Why did I break down and cry?
Did I lay down to die?
Oh...So I’m a green eyed monster
Oh yeah.
Oh...So I’m a green eyed monster
Yeah...Oh...
-- Rachel (whose last name I forgot. Oops!) The Rainbyrds. Lesbians rock.
The Rainbyrds were the band that Holly Lerski came from of Angelou fame (and yer, she’s actually famous now). I remember them playing the common room at UEA. Them, some microphones and a mate with a box of demo tapes. Happy, yet sad.
I think I’m gonna take a break from writing code and write some music this weekend. So many thoughts flying through my head, an urge to play the emotion out. Sometimes I miss being in a band, but who wants a fat 31yr old bass player anyways? Muahaha.
It’s bad that Tatu is going through my head right now. The shame.
Got a threehundredfuckingquid gas bill today. And the actual figure is higher because we’ve used more. Yay for my life kicking me some more in the figurative nads, just when I’m starting to pick myself up again.
Thought I’d read through the old books I kept...it’s interesting to see how much I’ve not changed (aside from getting fat and hairy)...here, huggie. Have some angsty teen poetry:
I just don’t want to see you
Ever in my life again
I just don’t want to hurt like this
I don’t need it, not now
I’m so confused
But you still need me
So I still put myself through
All this pain
(Sept ’92 - all I wanted for my birthday was Mark...oops...he split up with me because he changed his mind about his sexuality. Flip flop )
It’s wierd to think that no-one I know now knew me then except family.
Once life was fine and sultry and shining
And nice and nebulous
And large and lovely
Something you could
Really get your
Teeth into
There lies the illusion!
--
I just feel
So cold
So alone
So what?
— 26/10/92
--
The perfect words at the right time
A vision of a dream in the right frame of mind
Only the lonely will go so far as to say
Maybe it’s better forever that way
The trains pass by my open window frame
My frame of mind not so good after all life’s games
They rumble to their destinations, melody against the night
I wish I was going with them, the time is right
The pain that strains
The mind that can’t find
A question of suggestion
But I don’t mind
Watch as I change, a new life to unfold
The old lay dying as in your arms you hold
Another for whom you seem certain now
And all I want to know is why and how
Life’s little luxury seems to disappear
And if you’re gone, there’s no-one near
To hear my cries, or heal my pain
I don’t want to lose, no not again
The pain that strains
The mind that can’t find
A question of suggestion
But I don’t mind
And as I leave, this I know for sure
That it will never be as before
And I will find happiness with another
Who will not drop me for some other
The longest song I ever will write
I have recovered from the fright of last night
The fright of losing my mind and then
The fright of losing my very best friend
I dunno. I had music for that one too. It’s gone, along with the date I wrote it. The music was written, 17/7/93. The words the September before. I was 18 and in love with someone who was bad for me. I can still vividly remember the night. I can remember what happened. I can remember the feeling of betrayal as he invited someon
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1 comment.
I could never get the hang of Thursdays
I am going to a sex club tonight in polite company. How amusing!
I am also going to Leeds soon and to Portugal (fingers xd) next month. Irony being Portugal’s cheaper to get to unless I get the bus. To Leeds that is - no buses to Portugal...
I’ve worked out why it won’t work between Chris and me. Took a bit of time, but hey. And although he is very special to me, and not just another one, as João said...plenty more fish in the sea. He’s the Portugese Fisherman, I’m the British Fisherman. And really, I may not want anyone right now, but that’ll change. I don’t actually need anyone else so I’ll just see where things take me. And stop going out with people just because I miss James and want to find another one. Tho that’s not the only reason I went out with Possom features, before anyone gets overexcited and presses the big red “block” button again
Finally starting to be unhappy at work. Generally unhappy with how things are in my life. So time for a change. Time to stop wasting time with people who don’t care either way. I need to be loved, but I always seem to forget that I *am* loved. One day I’ll find someone to build a life with again. But I don’t *need* someone. I have my pretend family. I have the people round me who will pick me up when I fall. They’re the ones who I don’t need to ask to be there for me - they just are.
I live in the twilight, constantly watching the future as it streams out in front of me. I drive it from the now. The brief moment between past and future. A change here, a possibility arises. A change there, a door is shut. So no more beer for a while, let’s see how close to the sun I can fly. I just closed some doors - let’s see what opened in their place...
Like my dead friend Emma used to say - “life’s a bitch”. She never really understood that life is you and you are life. I got to be a bit part in someone else’s karma for a time. Not doing that again - gonna pay more attention to what’s going to happen, but this time with an eye on the now...
All this is entirely an excuse to say “sorry, too busy watching Galactica to do more freakcity”.
Anyone wanna be my date for Serenity on Sat? Chris is already taken.
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1 comment.
Huggie told me earlier he liked my journal because if he didn’t have it he’d have to read LiveJournal to get his daily dose of teen angst. The bastard. I’m so slapping him later.
João has been being fab and making me feel better. As has Lloyd. Tho Lloyd doesn’t agree with me about some of it. Go team. *ahem* so yer...I’m feeling less crap and more like me again now. Which is pretty bloody handy as I was starting to get funny looks at work.
I am probably going to chill for a bit. Not sure if I’ll be out Thurs, won’t be out tonight, (even though Dan from Romford is going to Heaven and it might be funny stalking him...). Going to stay home Fri and the weekend. If by some miracle things end up how I want them to I’ll be at Serenity on Sat night. If not, well, I couldn’t bear it on my own I don’t think so will just stay in and wrap myself in coding.
So cheap week for me.
Sunin wants to do XXL on the 28th. But that’s when I rescheduled my mother to and what are the chances of doing XXL with sunin and *not* drinking? I mean really...
Only got a tiny bit more of the events thing to do. The beta now emails you if you get a message and aren’t logged in. Or is meant to at any rate, seems to be a bit hit or miss. Can’t remember if I mentioned this yet or not
Dick next. Coz hey, it’s fun...and I’m bored...may as well pour my frustration into the site
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6 comments.
hur
Oh the irony. Friday was the worst day in my life for a long time. I’ve just noticed it was Friday 13th. Oh how we laughed! I think I know what and why this all happened now. I can move on, I guess. So if you’re reading this, my lil possom, talk to me some time? I just wanna hug ya and tell you it’ll all be ok then get back to being your friend if you’ll have me :S
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6 comments.
The ghost in the shell
“They’re gonna be laughing about this They’re gonna be dancing round It’s gonna be so good So good” Bus just manouvered past me. The NX from Norwich. Once it would have been me, escaping. A young man of 23, head full of ideas - off on a two week contract in the big city. I used to help run a magazine called “Big City, Bright Lights” about 13 years ago...written about Norwich. The irony... “Maybe I didn’t truly love you” I can’t do anything other than think of the word “didn’t” in that sentence. He never usually uses words carelessly. “And all the time the light is changing, and he keeps painting” I am in a hole. I am lost. Rich chatted to me this morning. Funny how they come flooding back after I split up with someone yet weren’t really there before. Ah well. Rich is broken about Jim, I’m broken about Chris, at least we both get hugs. Kris sent me mail yesterday asking if I was ok. João gave me hugs and kind words. It all washed over me like water off a stone. All I could focus on is that little red MSN icon telling me how fucking stupid I’d been to hurt the one I love. I hate all this. Probably going to see Rich or David tonight if I can, take my mind off it.
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6 comments.
ARGH
Went out, got hammered. Tried to get something resembling thoughts of what happened out of Chris, was ultimately frustrated and then hurt and then lashed out and now I’m broken, alone and scared I’ve lost him. Why? Makes no sense to me. He’s the one who did this, he’s the one who hurt me, he’s the one who said in effect “It’s not you, it’s me” and he’s the one who decided to start the seeds of something new whilst going out with me. So why am I the one worried about him? It’s all fucked up. So very fucked up.
Work went well, chatted to Chris on and off but he kept saying things that eventually meant I had to leave the conversation. I’m sure he didn’t mean it maliciously but still, he knows words can hurt and his can cut like a knife.
Gave Kris his piccies on CD, he could see I was in a bad way (I’d been walking down the road in tears) and went and bought chips then hid in Barcode (£1 a pint goodness!) and drank and thought and drank and thought more.
So Chris has for whatever reason decided to leave me. No real idea why, just that he “knew” he had to do it. That’s the bit that’s got me stuck. That’s the bit that means I can’t just move on.
We both said things we shouldn’t have last night. I told him his friends were “stupid” for suggesting he not speak to me again, although I suspect that’s because they don’t know the whole story - he seems to have a bit of a habit of wanting people to feel sorry for him over this and therefore not revealing everything. So now I’m going back over everything we said and did in my mind, sifting for truth and being somewhat concerned about it all. Much as I love him, I don’t want to be with someone who tells me what they think I want to hear, I’d much prefer the truth. And I don’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate his feelings to me and has to decide to end things without even discussing how he feels once. I still think he has reasons other than the ones he’s told me. I still think many things, but I can’t ask, I can’t talk. Every time I come close I feel the sickness in my stomach and my eyes well up.
So what do I do now? Where do I go?
I want very much for him to come over at the weekend, but I suspect he won’t after last night. I want very much to get over him, move on and just be friends, but I don’t know how at the moment. I want very much to just not be feeling like shit every day. It’s all too much. And mostly I want a Chris hug very very much
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I don’t know what to do
What do I do? How can I make it right? I’m going to bed for another sleepless night of thoughts spinning like shining catherine wheels through my mind, each one there, each one examinable, each one hurting if I get too close. Another sleepless night where I cry myself to sleep and I don’t even know why he’s ended up so special to me in such a short time. Crying for the loss. He won’t even speak to me at the moment. I know deep down why some of this is - I know that he unwittingly used almost exactly the same words as James did when he left me..."You were my first, you’ll always be special to me, we’ll always be close" and that simple fact has just reopened old wounds as well. I don’t think I ever told him that until I met him I used to think about James every day. Every single day. Wondering what he was doing, where he was going and being sure that our story hadn’t played out, that there was still a final act there. Guess that loss does that to a person...and so I have to cope with the new pain as well as the old pain. I just turned Lloyd away, I feel bad, but I need to be alone. I don’t want him to see me cry, I don’t want comfort, I deserve this and I just hate myself. I hate myself for getting drunk last night, something I promised myself I’d not do. And I hate myself for loving Chris and not just being able to let go. And I hate the guy that took him away from me, even though in my heart I knew he’d go anyway, even though I don’t even know him. So what choices do I have? Part of me just wants to run away. Leave everything, become nobody. Become a random person in the world going about their own business. Leave all this behind. I think I’ll go visit DanLad soon, try an get my head sorted a bit. Something, anything to be away from this, to be away from my PC and to be away from the little red icon on MSN that’s no longer online and tells me I might have fucked things up irreparably and entirely. I keep checking over and over and over, hoping he’ll come online, hoping he’ll give me some small shred of hope that things’ll be ok between us but it doesn’t happen. It never happens. Nothing ever works out for me.
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random.
Your hands as they drift over My pale skin Your touch so soft Ready to begin Caresses and kisses As the sky grew dark And out of the storm You left your mark Moving away Grinning hard We two became one My one became scarred After all is said and done I still want to be me And I can’t right now I can’t until I’m free Ask me anything you want Anything of me Just don’t ask me to be happy for you Don’t ask me to be happy Communicate with me Tell me the sky is red Try to see my picture Now that “us” is dead Look at what we were Tell me what went wrong I can’t do this right now I can’t be strong The bitter taste in my mouth The sadness in my heart The pain in my mind How do I start? What do I do To make things right? I can’t see through my pain I can’t see the light Ask me anything you want Anything of me Just don’t ask me to be happy for you Don’t ask me to be happy
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Somewhere in between.
www.krissearle.com Between light and dark is twilight.
between the past and the future is the tiny moment that is now.
We make that moment every second we breathe. It is as short as our smallest thought but the most important thing in our waking lives. And in a heartbeat it is gone, replaced by a new one.
Sometimes we spend too much time divining the future to pay attention to now. And all we leave in our wake is damage.
I live in the twilight.
I don’t fit in. I define. I am capable of more than I appear, I just need to focus on the now.
Life goes on.
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind
Another prop has occupied my time
This one goes out to the one I love.
These words speak to me from the past but brimming with new meaning.
I am lost between then and now, hiding in memories until they become little more than shadows - their meaning lost but their presence comforting. I have forgotten the power in the mind to create the present. I have tried to live as a person again and failed.
I may find David later and deconstruct the population of a bar whilst getting hammered (and making him pay, of course, his guilt, my gain).
James offered to take me to Paris for the weekend to cheer me up. So sweet. I just know that when I tell Chris he’ll ask if anything is going on, but I don’t make moves on other people’s partners, unlike some he knows.
Bitterness washing off me like a bad smell. You’d think I’d have run out by now?
I live in the twilight.
I have forgotten the most important thing, that when we rise, we soon fall. It used to be a philosophy to live my life by, now it’s an unused construct in the annals of my mind.
It’s time to stop coasting. It’s time to stop simply being. It’s time to fight, to create, to make things happen.
It’s also time to be late for work. Stupid buses.
Friday was a mess. The flip side to having been the happiest I have been in years is what happens when you lose sight of the now. It was a mess. I was a mess.
Saturday I coded. Fucked about online. Lloyd came over. TJ was on about how he was having steak cooked for him, so we went on a hunt for steak of our own with Justin (straylight). Lloyd offered to pay as I was skint, which was sweet of him.
Ended up at Browns at Shad Thames. Managed not to think throughout the starter, tiger prawns. Justin had the baked camonbert. We all dunked.
I had rare fillet steak for main. They all went “ew” at the blood. Not overly impressed. I prefer steak fresh, not just tenderised with a hammer to within an inch of its former life.
No desert.
Walked up the South Bank to XXL, went in for a beer. Stopped en route for a toilet break for Justin. Spent a while looking out over the dark majesty of the Thames, flowing away from me, black in the night. I love the river, I can’t imagine not living walking distance from it any more. There’s such power in water...all answers flow through its streams, every last thing the human race knows contained in its drops. Water is the key to the universe, it brings life where no life comes before and is the god of all things.
Phil had said he’d guestlist me but hadn’t, ah well. Bumped into JJ, the first chaser I ever fancied/met. Tho that soon stopped after he tried to buttfuck me bareback in the darkroom one time when pissed. I know all the best people. Said hello, he sorta looked awkward as he was with someone else and then ran off to the garden. Bless.
Left sharpish as we were all feeling a bit crap (possibly due to overeating, possibly on Justin’s part because of all the runny cheese swilling around inside him...)
Headed home.
Sunday was a bit fuzzy. Having stayed up waaay too late on Sat night I managed to get up at 8:30 and start coding. TJ was late home so eyesclosed and another guy arrived before he was back. Left t
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3 comments.
Life sucks...
So I’m single again. Life is crap. I have suspicions about something else that I’ll check later that could mean it’s ironic as well as crap, but hey. Really not sure what to think about anything now. Really wish things’d been different. Really wish I’d not fallen for someone so much...just for once I’d like it to work out ok, but it hasn’t and I feel shit
Oh well...back to the drawing board...
Have a beautiful song about pain:
A Coral Room
There’s a city, draped in net
Fisherman net
And in the half light, in the half light
It looks like every tower
Is covered in webs
Moving and glistening and rocking
It’s babies in rhythm
As the spider of time is climbing
Over the ruins
There were hundreds of people living here
Sails at the windows
And the planes came crashing down
And many a pilot drowned
And the speed boats flying above
Put your hand over the side of the boat
What do you feel?
My mother and her little brown jug
It held her milk
And now it holds our memories
I can hear her singing
“Little brown jug don’t I love thee”
“Little brown jug don’t I love thee”
Ho ho ho, hee hee hee
I hear her laughing
She is standing in the kitchen
As we come in the back door
See it fall
See it fall
Oh little spider climbing out of a broken jug
And the pieces will lay there a while
In a house draped in net
In a room filled with coral
Sails at the window
Forests of masts
Put your hand over the side of the boat
Put your hand over the side of the boat
What do you feel?
/-- Kate Bush/
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7 comments.
Slowly, but surely, they drew their plans against us...
Don’t talk to me about people who are nice. I have spent my whole life in ruins because of people who are nice... I’m about to start some flash work at work. Wooyay!
The world, as ever, is a shit though.
Someone somewhere has made a glow in the dark pig.
Nearly finished the events bit of freakcity.
Out in Harrow yesterday with ref:Chris - wanted to see Bareback Mounting but it wasn’t in the cinéma until today. And after mojococo’s concise review of Match Point:
From: Mojococo <>
To: MT <>
Subject: quick film reviews #3452: Match Point
Date: Jan 10, 2006 4:10PM
Shite.
...didn’t fancy it. Went and wandered round the carpark (fun!) and then ate shite in Fatty Arbuckles and made a mess.
After a brief (*ahem*) open fly incident on Platform 1 at Harrow on the Hill we said our goodbyes and went our seperate ways.
Home at midnight. Bed at 1:30am! Sleepy!
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7 comments.
I hate blood tests...
Gave plucker a chunk of forums code - hope he can make sense of it. Grr. Took until about 12:30am. My documentation sucks
Made forums work better, put in the code for avatars, and fixed some issues with searching. Changed the way caching happens too - so will experiment to see if it’s better (seems faster). Made most of the blog section work as it did so people don’t need to log into the old site to read them. You can’t yet post but that should be fixed soon.
Went to the clinic for Hep A/B vaccination. They took blood. Ick - I hate that so much...
“Hi, we can’t find your veins”
“I know, they don’t like being stabbed, so they’re hiding”
“OK, do you mind if we stick you anyway, wiggle the needle about in your arm until we find one of the pesky things and then leave you with a lovely bruise?”
“No, not at all. Go for it”
cunt0rs.
No Veronica last night. Too tired.
eyesclosed is filming today in Covent Garden with ref:TJ. Should be a giggle
Ooh. Kate is up for two Brits - Best British Female solo artist and Best Album. Cool beans!
Seeing Mr Possom tomorrow. Yay
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Live Wrong!
fullest bus in the universe! (Small).jpg Good day at work - Fixed some annoyances and generally tidied stuff. Amused by The Sun’s front page headline about security for Prince William - “Wills’ Iron Ring” *cackle*. Chatted some to people. Hacked about with my team lead’s Java. Chatted to Lloyd (we’re off to get our jabs tonight) and to ref:Chris too - hopefully going to see him Thursday night.
Took a bizarre tube&DLR route home - shiny. Watched *more* Veronica Mars and ripped Zooropa and Rattle and Hum, which had arrived in the post along with my LIVE+WRONG+ band.
Failed to get any more FreakCity done on account of more Mars addiction. Gah! Oh well, I’ll run out soon!
So, slowly but surely I’m getting my mp3s ogged. Yay!
Bought “Rocket Fuel” coffee in Somerfield. Had it this morning. And now I feel *so* fucking tired it’s untrue! Grr
I got a seat on the bus. Which is good as it’s the busiest bus ever.
I haven’t heard Rattle and Hum in so many years. How cool? My copy has been scratched to fuck for years...
“As they run into the arms of America...”
Not heard a single thing wrong with the oggs so far. No artifacting, nothing. And it’s giving me space back. Each album’s around 10meg smaller
Had the weirdest dream last night - ref an came back from wherever he’s gone out of the blue. I asked him where he was and he was about to tell me when I woke up. So am half expecting him to turn up soon. And I have James coming back soon too. I’ll be surrounded by exes. Bah!
Right - gonna doze some coz I is as aforementioned, knackered.
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2 comments.
hur
cackle Silly BBC. “wining”? Maybe they’re all pissheads...would probably explain government policy in the US on spending...
Work is going dullly. Chris isn’t free this weekend (tho I might go see him in the week for a drink or something) and so I have nowt much to do at the weekend.
Might attempt more FC tonight. Am considering porting the old blog stuff to the new site just so I don’t have to log in to the old site to post/view blogs - that way I can work on it slowly...but I should either finish that first or the groups thing. Gah! So much to do. Wah!
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1 comment.
Wake up dead man!
This is how I manage to write my blog on the move, in case anyone was wondering (Small).JPG Having reencoded (all 24) U2 CDs as ogg, I’m listening to the last week’s music added to the Karma. A heady mix of U2, Rhyn, Enigma, The Beatles and The Smiths. Makes for odd listening all bundled together
Starting to think I should begin leaving for work earlier...As I think last week’s speedy 25 commute had something to do with lack of traffic. Bah! No seats either!
Friday night at Retro and too much beeer. Came home and played the boys Rhyn’s album. Had a drunken conversation I shouldn’t have had with Chris too (sorry!) - tho I was mostly teasing I was still being naughty...sleep.
Up earlyish and working on freakcity on Saturday - got various bits done, currently working on avatars and groups...it’s all good
David came over to pick up the last of his stuff. Him and Lloyd spent some time trying to outchaser each other. I don’t think David quite got that Lloyd was taking the piss somewhat
Took TJ out to do some new pics of him daaahn the canal (see link). Had Dandan being a cheeky git on flickr about it. So was equally cheeky back. Wonder if he’ll notice...heh. I’m so mean
Fell asleep to Battlestar Galactica. Yay!
Sunday was tidying, cleaning, cooking, etc. Got a photography client for Wednesday. Did more freakcity, including a bugfix in the forum
Then got sucked into Veronica Mars for 5 fucking hours. That show SO rocks! Has anyone picked it up for transmission in the UK yet?
Buses are sweaty. Ick. I’m so going to get the plague off the poor people...
Tomorrow I’ll have had a boyfriend called Chris for a month. A boyfriend called Chris who appears to be pretty much who he is, a boyfriend called Chris with no hidden agendas or ulterior motives. Am properly happy for the first time in ages. Like proper happy innit blad. *ahem*. Wooyay! Hopefully seeing him next week for much beer and yiffing. Coz I miss his cuddles
Lots to do this week workwise. Hopefully we’ll get our pay reviews, hopefully they’ll also start me on the certifed Java program that was promised in my review.
Tonight or tomorrow I have to work out how to best do photos in my new flat. Coz I’m getting paid for Weds
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1 comment.
Woo
Friday. Thank crunchie.
So tired. Got stuff working at work. Still feel run down and like I have a cold though. Maybe it’s just my body getting used to no alcohol/fags. Who can say?
Watched a bit of Angel as well as ogging all of my U2 (running out of Karma space) - I have 20 U2 CDs. Possibly overkill? Who can say?
Fucked around with the central heating timer a bit so the heating’s not on 24/7 because the flat was getting awfully Owen’s flatish temperature wise.
Managed to get pjirc to behave. And to use freakcity smileys
Gonna take it apart after v2 and see if I can make it do what I want
Flux says the new logo makes him think “up above the streets and houses...”. Bless!
Wonder if I’ll get to work quicker than yesterday?
Cor. Trust me to forget my camera the day I see 8 PCs all descending upon a flat in Whitechapel in body armour. That’ll teach me not to leave it at work! Managed to leave my headphones at home too. D’oh!
It seems Google may be doing what I suspected they would - They’re about to become the next Apple, offering a budget PC (£115) running their own OS - will post more after the announcement later today. Microsoft’s Bill Gates underplayed the development, claiming Google was in its honeymoon period and anything it announces is bound to get publicity...
Cor. I’m nearly at Aldgate. There *must* be an easier route than this
Oh well — time for a nap!
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Jaysus
In work at 10:20. Never EverEver getting the 15 to work again. Christ!
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3 comments.
Oops.
That’s cheating! Bit late. D’oh.
Up too late watching Veronica Mars. Still hooked. Yay!
Trying the 15 to work to see if it’s any faster - so naturally I’m stuck at lights. Grr. And my finger’s sore - had a blood test - “this’ll feel like a tap” - fucking lies! Ow! Grmbl. Still, at least I’m not dying.
Sooo tired...
Set up pjirc as the java chat applet on beta - all works nicely. Much better than the old one...
The plan to keep the kitchen clean appears to be working. Yay! TJ did the livingroom too.
And that’s about it. Bah! I need some excitement in my life other than going to KFC.
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3 comments.
Smil time
Wondering what the title means?
Me too...
Long work day - chatted to Chris lots. The tag created whilst I was on holiday is broken so I’m fixing it. Joy of joys!
“A beautician kissed a woman’s nipple when she went for a FACIAL a court heard yesterday”.
I do so love sitting next to the common Sun reader
Home at a sensible time. Was going to cook but didn’t want to mess up TJ’s lovely clean kitchen - so we watched Batman Begins instead. Very impressed indeed. Then watched the first two Veronica Mars episodes. Buy this, BBC - it’s worth it. (well, if someone hasn’t already)
Up earlyish after bed at 1pm. Woops...worked on the mail checker for a bit then put it live (including bingles!) on the beta site. Will turn on emailing and sound disabling later tonight, fingers crossed...think I’ll do events next.
So yeah. Not much to write about today. Oh, and Chris’ album is on sale in Uxbrige HMV. Yay!
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A new adventure
Xmas is over and all over Britain, faithful xmas trees have been abandoned by their owners.. (Medium).JPG 2006. Long time no see.
I’m sat on a bus, seeing if it’s practical getting to work this way - because I’m not getting a bonus any more I’m unable to buy lots of gorgeous things in January like I did last year...so no swanky year long travel cards or plasma TVs or anything. Bah!
Random Christmasness
Got Baseketball from Chris for xmas. Owen bought me equilibrium. Bought his flat a huge fucking turkey. Ate it. Amazed mojen with my veg. That kinda thing...Watched Doctor Who and the Christmas Invasion and was vaguely impressed. Owen mentioned that EnglishImpatient had worked on design for it, was vaguely more impressed. Watched Owen, Jen and bump get stoned, which was kinda dull. Watched The Incredibles, which wasn’t. And Fantastic 4, which rocked.
Currently listening to Chris’ band, Rhyn - he just finished the album. “Home recording made easy”. It’s fun He just mewed at the end of a track. Awwh!
I love the smell of Whitechapel in the morning.
Random newyearness
Chilled out between Christmas and New Year - wrote lots of Freakcity (hopefully will have a rough cut of it up on beta.freakcity.net tonight). Spent time getting over tonsils and throat of DOOM. Played with fake snow that TJ had bought for him. Plus his remote controlled ufo. Met up with Johnny on NYE eve (Friday) and he came over to do some work (and instead played guitar) then Sunin drove us to Clone Zone so João could buy a ticket for XXL on NYE but they wouldn’t sell him any as they were closing in 15 mins. Parked Sunin’s car (hur. Eventually!) and went for (really vile) food (see my flickr for pics) and then Swanned - sunin got pissed and I didn’t! Shock! Smess was there and bought drinks. Scary, but cool beans. NYE was spent at Owen’s as ever - loads of freaks there. Much drunkenness. Warren stoned. Chatted drunkenly with Chris (who was at a mate’s party wearing a pink dress - I worry!). SuninVOM! Got moogal to drive us home to escape TJ and Steve being silly. Watching my flatmate’s boyfriend getting off with my ex boyfriend as his girlfriend gets off with my flatmate is just odd.
Spent new years day with a huge hangover, but had arranged drunkenly to see Chris so couldn’t just lay in bed. Possibly a good thing, so firstly we had an all you can eat chinese at Wings and then after we’d munched our way through their menu we fucked off home, Sunin went to meet his cousin for *even more* beer and I took Lloyd and Warren to meet Chris at Aldgate. We dashed off to the Kings Arms which was immensely hugely and hideously busy, wove our way through bears (Lloyd and Chris being in heaven, Warren being in another place entirely, as he usually is )
Introduced Chris to João and they chatted about music lots, think it was useful for Chris...
Escaped KA and went home. Wanted to go to the Black Horse but was just too damn tired.
Went to Canary Wharf yesterday (and listened to Rhyn whilst in bed before that). Went to Pizza express where I had the 4 cheese, leek and something or other pizza. Mmmmm. And Chris had the xmas one. And then I had fudgecake and felt FAT. Came home after saying adieu to Chris and watched the end of Angel with TJ. Early night but slept really crappily.
New routine. Cereal every morning, then bus to work (coz lack of travelcardness). Cornflakes and rice milk are yummy.
Anyways, I need a poo so I’ll chat more to you all later...