One present. Which was sweet. One message on here, which was also sweet. No flowers, no hugs, no kisses (Well, apart from this morning) so I go to bed alone and hug my duvet and imagine it’s the person I want it to be. I know it won’t ever be them again, have known this for a while, and that makes me sad, but it means I can move on and grow in different ways. One door shuts, another one opens. Have decided to do no alcohol for a time. I shall probably not be out as much, unless people want to do things that don’t involve bars. I mean to use my time better - writing more, writing music, writing prose. I used to be good but I’ve lost my edge. I should have freakcity beta launched this weekend too. Then I do www.circus2iraq.org to enhance the anti spam features and create a palestine blog. Then I do www.scottjoyce.net and Blue has said he’ll see if he can get me some clients. All change. I need this. I need to become strong again or I am useless to those I guide. One door shuts, another one opens. Just got fanmail from a journal reader (!!!) asking where it’d gone. It’ll be public again soon, I just don’t feel like it right now. Still too much hurt there. Finished watching Angels in America tonight. Not sure it’s the right thing I should be watching bearing in mind my frame of mind today but still, very very good. Al Pacino was amazing in it, as was the rest of the cast. Wasn’t your usual AIDS cliché story either which is good. Plus willies=good I need to work out who I lent Carnivàle to. I feel the urge to watch it again as it’s one of the most incredible pieces of television ever made. I want fricken roses, dammit