For Chris Final Time So close You were so close Bittersweet failure Pulls you in Small steps Are all you need But this is not your time Soon you’ll see Was it all worth it? The pain you feel But still you’re alive Was it all worth it This time? That’s it Now you can leave There is no point now At the end Nothing Left for you here Why not say goodbye? It’s done Is it all worth it? The pain you feel Is so unreal Is it all worth it This time? (they say) The only point of life is to learn (they say) If you hit rock bottom there’s only one way to turn (so turn around) Live in this world it shows you all you need (so turn around) The only thing I need is you So close You were so close Bittersweet failure Pulls you in Small steps Are all you need Now it’s time to work Now is time to see Yes it’s all worth it Now it’s time to deal Yes it’s all worth it Now it’s time to heal 6/12/05 Wrote that on the way home last night. The chorus comes from a collaboration between myself and Nikki ages ago written in the Woolpack in Norwich around their piano... I miss those days! The words were mine and the music hers - so I’m recycling the words for the chorus and will rewrite the music. Am going to try and get a week next Weds-Fri off as I have 3 days holiday remaining this year. Fingers crossed I can and haven’t left it too late an all... Work was cool yesterday, though I was very tired on account of having been woken up by Jeremy Fucking Clarkson blaring out of TJ’s room at 4fucking30am. Grr. Got loads done, nearly finished the whole of the CSS stuff, finished WAP... Left work and wandered for a while through festivity and joy, felt out of place - longing for Christmas to mean what it used to mean but knowing it’s impossible. Too much practicality in the way. Am trying not to resent a certain flatmate whilst he goes out and I stay home. I think I’d care less if he didn’t owe me so much money, but it’s really getting to me that I can’t afford to buy anything for family/friends for christmas (I have £100 left and £70 worth of bills left to pay) yet he spends money he owes me on getting wankered. Grr. Central line fucked. So taking an amusing detour via Liverpool St and Kings Cross... Yay! Wandered around in the dark. Took random buses. Ended up bussing home and writing the above song. I can hear it in my head - shiny. I just don’t always get what I hear when it comes to actually writing the thing musically, but we shall see. Got “Angel - Live fast die never” yesterday - will have a listen at work later. Chatted lots to Chris about things - he’s getting a bit nervous about Saturday, bless. Then again, so am I No alcohol since Friday, still feel knackered and bleh - tho I’ve been having some amazing dreams, which is fun Have an urge to watch Mrs Henderson Presents - not sure why. Although in related Will Young strangeness - he apears to be trying desperately to look like Ms Robbie “I’m so not gay I need a press release to prove it” Williams. Saw the X3 trailer - looks really damn good. Shocked by Kelsey Grammer (Frasier) being cast as Beast. And by Vinnie Jones being in it. Also found the trailer for “The Fountain” the slightly troubled next film by Darren Aronofsky - the guy that did π and Requiem for a Dream, focussing on a 1000 year love story - it looks fabulous. Early to bed but still woke up knackered. Gah.