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Hugzee’s blog
The ramblings of a mildly incoherent mind...
But...
...at least I can console myself by looking forward to the recording of ISIHAC tonight, I’m officially excited [bounce]
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Bah!
Kimi didn’t win. Silly, silly Kimi! :S
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High society
Hmm, well I’ve been freaking out with the Chester Freaks/others (there not all here, should I start a recruitment drive?) twice this week - in fact two days in a row.
Now this is gonna probably make me sound really sad, but it wasn’t until I was sat there on Thursday night at the Harkersathon that I realised quite how long it was since I’d been out in (at least semi) polite company - work excluded. I seem to have just squirrelled myself away for such a long time, in fact almost become a recluse (and convinced myself that I wasn’t really very good company). Consequently I did feel a bit like a fish on a bicycle at times, though everyone was very welcoming.
The BB6 (it is 6 isn’t it?) ‘launch party’ was mucho fun too, though I had to drag myself home not long after 1 as I was absolutely shattered.
Ah well, three day weekend - yay!!!! 
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Road to nowhere
I’ve started walking again. I did it last year to help when I was losing weight and really enjoyed it, but it somehow seemed to tail off during the winter. I guess that’s because I couldn’t go out at night, but no excuse for not going out at the weekend.
I do however like, on Saturday and Sunday, to get out first thing, usually between 6.30 and 7, and walk for about 3 hours. That means I can do about 12 miles on each of those days.
That added to walking during the week last year (every day except Wednesday) meant I was covering about 45-50 miles a week.
Now that the light nights are back with us I really do need to start getting out after work, assuming I don’t have to work late.
Me and a couple of friends have discussed doing the Lyke Wake walk, www.lykwakewalk.co.uk or www.lywake.org.uk for details, but I really do need to be doing those sorts of distances again before I think about tackling that.
I’ve never walked anything like 42 miles in a day before, but there’s always a first time 
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...and so, as I suspected, I actually saw about the first 4 or 5 entries and fell fast asleep on the sofa. Ah well there’s always next year
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The best laid plans...
...often come to nought. It’s been a nice day, despite me whingeing about the rain (I feel cold though). Managed to drag my carcass out of bed about 6.30am and immediately had to talk my friend Emma over her fear of flying (she was off to Canada). Got off the phone about 7am and went for a nice walk up on the mountain.
Since I didn’t get to bed until about 1.30 I’ve felt shattered since, hopefully I’ll be able to make it through Euroviosion.
Monaco qualifying was good and little Kimi is on provisional pole for tomorrow (closely followed by the cute Spaniard Alonso - yum).
I was supposed to be going to a friends for dinner (no chianti) and so declined an invite to the Chester Eurovulsion party arranged by fruitbat but my friend phoned at 6pm and cancelled (she doesn’t feel very well) so I’m sat home alone watching Eurovision by myself (well when it comes on). Still at least I’ll be able to laugh at Terry Wogan’s commentary
On a health related note I’m having a medium attack of my Meniéres and so feel dizzy and slightly nauseous all the time, also I can’t seem to hear properly out of one ear but it’s peculiar because I can’t tell which one. If it starts to get any worse I should go see my GP though I doubt there’s anything he can suggest that I’ve not heard before.
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Things do get better – slowly
I’ve not looked for another job - yet, but give me time. I was offered another position this week, in my present company, as the project I’m slaving over is about to become a reality. I say offered, I think it’s a case of take it or leave but there are some fringe benefits to me actually taking it (not an increase in salary - but again give me time). So the wheels move slowly, the trace moves around the circle back towards me feeling a bit more hopeful, or at least a bit less hopeless. It’s Saturday night and I’m not drunk, not that that’s anything unusual as I barely drink anything these days.
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Awww
I’ve just (well about 20 or so minutes ago) got into work and I found a little card on my chair...
Keep on smiling /em>
It’s hard to laugh
when things fo wrong,
it’s easy to lose heart,
but if you can
keep smiling
it’s certainly a start.
Happiness seems far away
when days are long and sad,
but just as good times
pass away so do all the bad.
Trouble always fades away
if you can grin and bear it,
but call me if it gets too
much and I’ll be there
to share it.
It’s nice to have friends
22:00
At my slimming group tonight they’ve asked if I have any objection them putting me forward for regional finals for man of the year. It may be that nothing will come of it, but it’s nice to know that they think so much of me
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Pathetic
So OK, I’m not in a good place right now. Work sucks, I don’t wanna be there, I’m working on a project that I think is doomed to ultimate failure and may bring the company to its knees (yes I have voiced my concerns). And then I start taking it out on my boss. And then I feel shit. And then I cry in the office. What sort of girl am I? I had a heart-to-heart with my friend Yvonne in the office, she thought things were getting better, but I think they’re worse now than when I almost handed in my notice 2 weeks ago (let’s face it I should have gone 18 months ago when I told them not to use this product and they ignored me). So why did I cry? Well I know it’s because I felt shit about treating my boss like a piece of dirt, but I felt bad because that just really isn’t me - hey I’m thought of as the ultimate Mr Nice Guy. So that just goes agaisnt the whole grain of my being, Mr Nasty just isn’t a nice feeling. Ah well, only 5 weeks until the project is finished (as a project) and then it’ll either soar like an eagle or sink like stone.
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Day from hell?
Well aren’t they all? Last thing Friday, my colleague who’s training the bits of our new inventory system that I’m not training out myself comes to me with a problem. So I end up doing a database dump and emailing it across to Germany - they don’t have a public holiday so should get chance to look at it Monday. Tuesday - it’s the same old thing; "Works here"\"We think that’s what you asked for". Well they hadn’t actually looked at the problem and then expect me to drop everything and start writing complicated SQL queries so that we can find out what’s wrong. Gah!, that’s why I sent you the bloody dump last Friday so that you could look at it yesterday and tell me what’s wrong with it, not let me sit there and try and work it out for you. Tossers. (And where’s the DBA when you need him?) Anyway it’s a shite system and I’ll be glad when my part in the whole debacle is over (that’ll be when hell freezes over) and either the company survives by some miracle or the whole stinking mess slips slowly into the mire. Then this afternoon, yet again, I’m either expected to drop everything to rewrite a whole bloody report from this system for some wanky developer to check data he’s getting from an add-in system or work several hours into the evening. Well guess who didn’t stay late? (Not more than 15 minutes anyway.) Still it didn’t work and I’m likely to be back in the office at 6.30am trying to trace why!!! Seriously pissed off and perhaps I should have handed my notice in a couple of weeks ago when I felt almost as pissed off as this. I know I should have done it 12 months ago when they ignored my advice and implemented the bloody project anyway. Phew, well that’s off my chest.
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Oh no...
...so that’s another bank holiday weekend over. I’ve done nothing, been nowhere, spoken very little to anyone. In a way, just how I like it though it can (sometimes) be a little lonely. I think I was at least partly kidding on Friday when I tolod my friends and colleagues that I was going home, shutting my door and hiding away for the duration. So it’s a case of Sunday night blues on a Monday night, I really am going to have to do something about looking for another J-O-B (if I spell it like that perhaps it won’t bother me so much).