AdamAlarming, blonde, comical, dizzy, evil, feculating, gratuitous, handsome, intellectual, jolly, kitten-ish, lovely, morish, nonse, opulant, precious, queen, ravisher, shopper, tall, undeniable, verocious, wanker, xenophobe, yellowed, zany; is how the alphabet would describe me

Bingowings’s blog

The long and the short of it.....

Friday September 16th, 2005 at 4:04am

So I have decisions to make....big looming decisions, no getting out of it. It will be difficult, but it will be good in the end, because it will help me find myself. My identity is lost to me, so long have I spent trying to live up to what I thought were oher people’s expectations, that not only did I get that wrong, but I’ve forgotten who I am. Now, I am learning. I am learning that my friends care if I am happy or sad, but it does not matter which I am, they’re my friends. I’m learning I no longer need to pretend to be the person want me to be, I’m learning I’m important in my own right. I’m finding my feet and the decisions I have to make will, in the end, help with that. I wont be changing drastically, my mind is still intrinsically me, just adding to me, firming myself up so to speak, so that I can be strong enough for me, to be me. It’s one hell of a journey ahead of me, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a leaky tyre and a broken fan belt, but I have friends to help me, friends with whom I need to build more bridges, and friends with whom I need to mend some bridges, but I know, in the end, whatever the outcome of everything, it will be worth it. I’ll be me and happy for it, everyone around me will know I am me, that Adam has finally arrived. I feel better even now just for knowing this, I suppose really, it’s my focus right now, and when that is gone and I’m finished building on me, I can focus on where I am going. Despite knowing it will be hard, it excites me in a way, being somewhere new in unfamilar territory, it’s scary, but it excites me, something for me to do.

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