Words of the Day for July 2026
People leave us lovely words in the amusingly named dick, along with short, factual and concise definitions. No really. Here's this month's words so far...
Thursday July 16th, 2026
knitting
Excellent pursuit for multi-taskers. I’m hoping for a pair of gloves before this series of Dr Who ends.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
Daft Hap’orth
A person suffering a temporary blip to their common sense or inteligence.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
Chess
A game for intelligent people with far too much time on their hands
Thursday July 16th, 2026
tatchel
Peter is a martyr. We should all thank him, really. At the same time, we can’t help wondering whether he Takes A Stand like he does because he was bullied at school for having a name that rhymes with satchel.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
Woolworths
Large Chain store for Chavs children clothes.. CD’s Chocolate and world famous Pick N’ Mix.
A visit to Woolworths is well worth it... apparantly
Thursday July 16th, 2026
wicca
Magico-religious system made up in the 1950’s by one Gerald Gardner, mainly by pinching bits from other people’s belief systems, and then mixing it with any excuse for him to have sex with his priestesses.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
Slactivist
One who is unable to say anything of import whilst on the toilet.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
Undermilkwood
A play for voices once recorded with Richard Burton as the First Voice (narrator). Definitely odd but very poetic. Set in Llareggub which is bugger all backwards.
“We are not wholly bad or good, who live our lives under Milk Wood.” – Reverend Eli Jenkins, the only time the plays title is used in the play.
Thursday July 16th, 2026
mom
Stupid dumb crappy shit wank American bastardisation of "mum"
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Earl Grey
“I like nothing better than a steaming hot mouthful of Earl Grey in the morning.... And a cup of tea is nice as well.” 
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
DJing
Ability to Play records and mix them all together......
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Stuff
What you do to animals to turn them into sick oldpeople art
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Sarchasm
The cultural gap between the person using sarcasm and the person failing to understand it.
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Scott
The poor guy that made this place and has to put up with all our complaining.
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
cop-out
Noun. An excuse, an avoidance of guilt. [Orig. U.S.]
Verb. To withdraw from participation. E.g."Rumour has it that Johnny’s copped-out."
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Q-Bert
one of the weirdest arcade games ever to eat your ten pence.
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Farscape
A Sci-Fi series that freakily morphed into Stargate when no one was looking
Tuesday July 14th, 2026
Lip Synch
Most “artists” are in the popular music charts do this during “live” performance
Monday July 13th, 2026
skating
strapping wheels to your feet and hurtling down hills desperately trying to avoid killing youself and those around you.
Sunday July 12th, 2026
pre-raphaelite
Synonym for prescient. After all, how come those self-styled Pre-Raphaelites knew about Raphael if they preceded him?
Sunday July 12th, 2026
butch
How Mage describes himself. (See quote 551)
Mage gives his name to the measure of butchness, the Mage Butchness Unit (MBU). Mage himself is 1000 MBU.
Sunday July 12th, 2026
Bingle
The noise a cashier’s till makes when they press their button to call a supervisor.
As in: “Anne, did you bingle?”
Sunday July 12th, 2026
The Crow
The beligerent, rude, overweight, menapausal oaf I have to work with
Sunday July 12th, 2026
eating babies
Fruitbat’s pastime. apparently chickens taste like these
Sunday July 12th, 2026
Douglas Coupland
Fabby bloke. Author of “Microserfs” which is hysterical. Writes like a small fluffy blogger 
Sunday July 12th, 2026
gaymo
The gayest thing in all of gaydom is your less-gay-than-me best friend
Friday July 10th, 2026
RTFM
Read The Fuckin Manual:
as in Mike would you please Read The Fuckin Manual before asking us to sort out your overpaid tech job.
Friday July 10th, 2026
Aromatic
n. Chemical containing a ring structure, generally assumed to Benzene but can be any variation containing delocalised pi-electron bonding structures.
Friday July 10th, 2026
MSN
An imaginary and fictional device use to waste all of my life!
Friday July 10th, 2026
carrots
Originally white, then came a purple variety, then the Dutch turned them orange by means of propaganda and arresting and torturing their mums until they turned colour
Friday July 10th, 2026
Eamonn Holmes
Former GMTV presenter, can now be seen on Sky News.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
The spiderman
The act of jizzing in your hand and then flinging it at someone’s face, shouting “Web on!”.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
spending money
The evil yet depression-beater thing that makes me and most people bankrupt
Thursday July 9th, 2026
A well regarded act of ejactulating on a young things face followed by the flinging of pubes onto the moist and sticky surface.
Mike: Did you have a good one last night mate?
Adam: Yeah chief, I spaff’n’pabbed that dirty blonde slapper.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
Theaksto
I would, too! Though he’s let himself go a little bit, recently.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
symbolics (n)
Pretentious thing said to be highly significant but which is, in fact, a load of bollocks.
For example, the three red lines and a blue sqiggle that is said, by the artist, to represent their “inner termoil” but which, in fact, represents a big fat cheque and an entry in next year’s Turner Prize.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
Freedoms
Yes, I agree with above, way too small too. But the instructions offer some great train journey reading material for all the family.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
Anandamide
Neurotransmitter discovered in the 70s. Involved in pain perception, memory formation and mother-child bonding.
Too much anandamide creates an inexplicable sense of well-being and bliss.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
Welly Wanging
A curious sport partaken by only rural folk. Now the only suitable alternative to Fox Hunting
Thursday July 9th, 2026
slime
groovy green stuff that goes round the inside of your bike tyre, thus rendering it almost impossible to get a puncture without the aid of a pneumatic drill
Thursday July 9th, 2026
sligo
n. an unnamed-- exotic/strange/bizzare sexual act-- done by people in private.
n. ability to identify a person’s kinky sexual interest.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
History
"History doesn’t repeat itself – at best it sometimes rhymes"
Thursday July 9th, 2026
Scott
Someone who pokes me and calls me anorexic to boost my confidence
Someone who I, in return, call a walking lard cake
Thursday July 9th, 2026
computing
Once you’re on the subscription list for this magazine you never escape. Tends to breed in pigeon-holes and on desks until thrown away en masse (still in its plastic wrapping). Only redeeming feature is the Dilbert cartoon and tales of how your tax is being squandered on yet another project involving EDS.
Thursday July 9th, 2026
The Crow
A film that my brother likes starring the late Brandon Lee
Wednesday July 8th, 2026
Nurses
Moaning, overpaid know-it-alls that if had a little more power would invade Luxembourg and other minor European states
Wednesday July 8th, 2026
Rangitoto
Blood red sky, volcanically, eruptive, largely misunderstood
Wednesday July 8th, 2026
David Gilmour
Lead Singer/Guitarist from Pink_Floyd. Took over after Syd_Barrett went a bit mad. Taught Syd how to play guitar
Wednesday July 8th, 2026
graham
My god its my Dads name.........FC has both my parents on here now
see Sandra
Wednesday July 8th, 2026
Taking tea in the afternoon
Anna, the Seventh Duchess of Bedford, is credited with originating the afternoon tea in the 1800s to ward off the hunger pangs between lunch and dinner. Earlier, the Earl of Sandwich had thought of putting fillings between two slices of bread. These two culinary inventions led to the popular custom of taking tea and refreshments in the afternoon.
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
food
Food is that thing that makes us not hungry. It’s a yummy thing (cept if Owen’s cooking ) and certainly fun. Find recipes
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
marmite
Goat poo on Toast... YUK
"Try Marmite with avocado on hot toast, bread or crackers. And for a tasty addition, add Marmite to stir-fries, pasta and soups."
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
cinema
Place to go and watch films.
£4.50 on a Monday for the Barbican
£6.00 for groups of ten or more
£7.00 usually
photographer organises group trips to the Barbican on opening nights of blockbusters (Fridays) or Mondays for less well known arty films.
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
Painful sex
stop it my darling it hurts me so woo is me bloody are the sheets
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
khrp
+The Kurdish Human Rights Project+
The KHRP is a registered charity. It is committed to the protection of the human rights of all persons within the Kurdish regions, irrespective of race, religion, sex, political persuasion or other belief or opinion. Its supporters include both Kurdish and non-Kurdish people.
Scott maintains their website
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
bus rolling
bus rolling happens when one forgets hes in a moving bus and rolls down the bus and lands on the back seat in a compromising position...
one may also drop his dinner.. but this can easily be sorted by picking it up from the floor as london busses are super clean..
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
Earl Grey
Earl Grey tea is a black tea blend, which gets its flavor from bergamot oil. This popular tea blend is named after Charles Grey, 2nd Earl Grey, who reputedly received a gift, probably a diplomatic perquisite, of tea that was flavored with bergamot oil. Bergamot is a fragrant citrus plant, used for the oil in its rind rather than for the flesh of the fruit. The legend usually involves a grateful Chinese mandarin, but this blend of tea was first made from fermented black Indian and “Ceylon” (Sri Lankan) teas, though over the years many other varieties have been used.
Tuesday July 7th, 2026
Bacon
Try to say “beer-can” without sounding like a Jamaican saying “bacon”
see also: Bacon Sandwiches
Monday July 6th, 2026
ipod
Local landfill tours:
“On your left you can see the Pile of AOL CDS – On your right ipod mountain”
Monday July 6th, 2026
foreskin
A useless bit of skin that gets in the way during sex. Best removed at a young age.
Monday July 6th, 2026
Cottaging Cheese
Crusty man fat detritus found on most surfaces of gentlemens public toilets.
Monday July 6th, 2026
dune
Rather good sci-fi novel by Frank Herbert that works like an onion, plans within plans, plots within plots...full of intrigue and scary stuff like that.
So far been made into two excellent movies, both different in style, both covering the book incompletely. The second version was then followed, this year, by “Children of Dune” which was amazingly good and gorgeously produced, even though it was only done by the Sci-Fi Channel
Monday July 6th, 2026
Milton Keynes
A nice, clean town with good areas and bad areas.
It has 3 large Tesco stores in the vicinity, plus a lage shopping mall.
Impossible to get lost in, as all the major streets are conveniently numbered as well as named.
Monday July 6th, 2026
The AA
The not so wonderful company who got rid of about 48% of their national workforce, luckily the cute mechanics stayed!
Monday July 6th, 2026
theElusivePossum
tall blonde and cuddly... well sorta. if u don’t mind the creepy stare and the glazed eyes and the constant alcoholism (i love him really lmao... can’t you tell????)
Monday July 6th, 2026
Indidegestion
A condition brought about by eating whilst typing
Monday July 6th, 2026
History
Stupid subject created with the sole purpose of arguing about the same topics for ever and ever and ever and never coming to any one conclusion about said topics!
Monday July 6th, 2026
Pirates
Yar har har me piratey grand swashbuckling chums. We be the dogs o’ the sea, we be, and we be takin no mess from ye scurvy landlubbers! YARRR!
See ITLAPD.
Sunday July 5th, 2026
Archery
"my Robin Hood what a fantastic arrow, love the tights by the way"
Sunday July 5th, 2026
Darjeeling
Darjeeling is a town in the Indian state of West Bengal and centre of the region of the same name, situated in the foothills of the Himalaya at elevations of between 2,000 and 3,000 metres above sea level.
The region is best known for its tea. Darjeeling tea has traditionally been prized above all other black teas, especially in the UK and the countries comprising the British Empire.
Sunday July 5th, 2026
conservatives
Pointless and irrelevant bunch of chunts who still seem to think that if they pay a few media moguls it means they have a hope in hell of being elected. Like ever.
Click below to tell Anne Widdecombe to SHUT UP
Sunday July 5th, 2026
antidisestablishmentarianism
Against the installtion of dishwashers.
Sunday July 5th, 2026
CuntSticks
A stick used, by witches, to apply entheogenic pastes, normally of henbane, by introducing them through the semi-permeable menbranes of the cunt
Sunday July 5th, 2026
deming
The action of cleaning one’s sweaty, smelly hide after a long night’s drinking in filthy gay bars
Sunday July 5th, 2026
Brian Blessed
Fantastic British God of over-acting. To be found shouting incredulously “Gordon’s alive?”
Sunday July 5th, 2026
spyware
Nasty bits of Software That manages to Self install its Self on your PC Without you knowing and Installs even more Spyware.
Eventually The Spyware installed will then start making your PC Slower
The Main Function of this Spyware it to Track your on-line browsing habits
But Other functions are possible such as:
- Malling your Browser to POP-UPS new windows with Adverts.
- Redirecting your web connections to other sites.
- Logging your Keys stokes for Usernames, Passwords, Addresses, Credit card info
- Even Abuse your PC to SPAM Peoples E-Mails boxes
Detection/Removal:
Ad-Aware SE Personal Edition:
www.download.com/Ad-Aware-SE-Personal-Edition/3000-8022_4-10399602.html?tag=lst-0-2
Spybot search & Destroy:
www.safer-networking.org/en/download/
MicrosoftÆs Anti-Spyware:
www.microsoft.com/athome/security/spyware/software/default.mspx
Yahoo Toolbar With Pop-up Blocker and Anti-Spy:
Pickup:
PORN SITES – BAD DOWNLOAD SITES – SO CALLED *FREE* SOFTWARE – SOME P2P FileShareing Programs
Sunday July 5th, 2026
trains
Big late things that have a habit of annoying me. Once on them, it’s all lovely and good and sweetness and light, but that’s only the nice ones.
Frequently seen falling off rails and upsetting people in well off bits of the UK that aren’t used to it. Bless
“Engineering Excellence” obviously means something else when you’re a multi billion pound corporation
Sunday July 5th, 2026
John Waters
A comedy god; the Pope of Trash and the god of bad taste. Manages to make coprophilia, incest, rape, child abuse and all manner of other perversions hysterically funny.
Sunday July 5th, 2026
Spinach
skin irritation from sitting near Alastair Campbell
Sunday July 5th, 2026
Fox
Fox, The. Large, well established Lesbian pub in Birmingham.
Mojen doesn’t go there though; we think she’s already had them all.
Saturday July 4th, 2026
Disco
dance music made with instruments popular in the later half of the 70s OR...
the main ingredient in most music trash today!!
Saturday July 4th, 2026
oldmancollecting
Origins from ‘Fist of Fun’ (BBC) – one of the Hobbies.
For this hobby you will require: a packet of bourbon biscuits, a lockable room and a flask of weeeek lemon drink.
Go out on pension day and attempt to woo old men into your locakble room using bourbon biscuits – “Would you like a bourbon old man? Answer me!”. Hold out biscuit to old man. walk backwards with biscuit in constant focus of old man. When arriving home, throw biscuit into locakbale room and old man will follow. Shut door and lock it. Repeat.
Or something like that
Saturday July 4th, 2026
I like short skinny bats
Bat – a slang word for oriental boys derived from putting your hands on the side of your face, fingers stretched up, and disfiguring your eyes to look chink-like, ending up looking like batman(ish). Okay, so sue me!
Friday July 3rd, 2026
List
Mark Thomas Mailing List aka The List aka the Gay Cabal
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
Kate
Character in ‘Eastenders’ who inexplicably gave up her job as an undercover police officer in order to open up a nail bar. Quite what skills the two proffessions share, or why anyone would consider it a logical career step, has never been satifactorily explained.
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
Virtual Friends
People you speak to online but have never met in real life
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
LOL
Lots of Love, Lots of Laughs.
Cock in Punjabi
LOL Williams, musician from Essex
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
boring farts
Boring Fart – The effort of breaking wind with great physical exertion without any clear result. Often noiseless and odourless they are pointless and should never be owned up to. See Interesting Fart
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
dyke
go to holland put your finger in one and she if she bites back!
Thursday July 2nd, 2026
defenestration
I knew what this was but haven’t read a book by whoever or done any academical stuff. I’m just clever, so ner.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
KA
Short for “Kings Arms” a delightful little pub filled with short, badly dressed bearded trolls. Does karaoke on Sundays which is far more entertaining than say doing the average washing.
Plus point: Only gay bar in London to sell proper beer.
Negative point: Scary
Once tried to divert a Freakcity picnic there. And failed. Those that remained wouldn’t go in. Wusses. (and yes, that means *you*, kee)
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
randomness
Chaotic, disorganised, with no discernable order
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Eamonn Holmes
Known for keeping the donut makers of the UK in business.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
gwrywgydiwr Budr
dirty homosexual.....what i am and what i like,amongst other things.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Q
Died in a car crash on a roundabout I used to go round every day on my way to and from work.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
self-worship
The worship of oneself as a god....its what us pretty ones do
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
vodka
When you can taste it, you know you’ve had too much of it
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Ramsey, Gordon
Very annoying man who needs a good punching
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
A good 1000-1 chance of typing this word if you have a fit on the keyboard after seeing too much debauchery
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
fucktard
Someone who isn’t blessed with the clever clogs and is frequently battered with the stupid stick
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Frooming
Slowly splaying your fingers across someone’s knee. On some people, this has no effect what so ever, but some people just melt when you do it to them.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
C*nt
A word used by people who don’t like using the word Cunt, and think putting a little star in place of the U makes it slightly less offensive.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
retro
A way of admitting new stuff is shit, by rebuilding the old stuff again...
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
the wall
An album by Pink_Floyd – sold in excess of 23 million copies. Released in 1979, favourite of Scott’s mum so he ended up brought up on it. Third best selling album of all time in the US – topped only by Michael_Jackson’s Thriller and The_Eagles – Greatest Hits. Scott once got an A- in English for writing about it.
Very depressing, introspective and dark.
Turned into a film by Alan_Parker, sort of explains what the album’s about.
Also spawned some amazingly gorgeous artwork by Gerald_Scarfe
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
hornover
The frustrating condition that occurs when you’re so hungover and randy you can’t think of anything other than sex, but unfortunately are unable to stand up for long enough to have any.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Homophobia
A name originally proposed for a third rate British newspaper.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Cakes
In a bowl, cream together 4oz/125g caster sugar and 4oz/125g butter
Break two eggs into a glass or jug, and beat together with a fork. Add the egg to the butter and sugar a bit at a time, stirring it in thoroughly each time
When all the egg is mixed in, sieve 4oz/125g self-raising flour into the mix, and stir in thoroughly
Spoon the bixture into cake cases, and bake in a pre-heated oven at 190C/375F/Gas Mark 5 for ten to fifteen minutes, until they’re golden brown
Then try lots of variations, like adding 2oz of sultanas, or glace cherries, or cocoonut. Try adding spices, or replace a quarter of the flour with cocoa powder. And experiment with icing!
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Graham
A sort of cracker eaten by Americans. They have no idea it might be someones name.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
sickipedia
Sick jokes compendium from the people that brought you b3ta
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
FILTH AND DEPRAVITY
It’s what’s wrong with Britain. Too much filth and depravity.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Poverty wank
Wank you have when you don’t even feel like having a tug, you haven’t got time and its going to make you late, you’re not even properly erect, you barely orgasm and you’re mopping up before your dust has barely settled,... but you do it anyway.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Interweb
The broken definition of “Internet” the
“Interweb”. Used by those members of the media and people who think that the web is the Internet. (There are other protocols too, you know...)
And probably your parents.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
golfing umbrellas
Unless you’re on a golf-course, this is just the most irritating US-esque “bigger is beautiful” invention ever created.....even cars don’t get my goat as much as these bloody things do.
How many people do you normally see under them? and how large are their heads?
Just too fucking big.
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
canal street
In Manchester
Centre of Gay Village
See also Anal Treet
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
Stoner
someone who tries to solve unaceptably obscure puzzles
Wednesday July 1st, 2026
flowers poofy stuff like that
All the thing Men aint sposed to like