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Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
Boris and the London Cycle Superhighway
19th July 2010: Boris launches the much hyped Cycle Superhighway scheme, sponsored by the very blue Barclays in preperation for the launch of the Barclays sponsored cycle hire launch on 30th July.
21st July: First major pileup. Cycle Superhighway 3: Summer Cyclists incapable of realising a cycle and an arrow pointing at them means they’re in the wrong lane fatally injure a pedestrian who hasn’t realised that bikes might hurt when they hit him.
22nd July: Press astonished by new CS3 heading up to stylish Canary Wharf appear unaware that it’s always been there, Boris merely painted it blue.
25th July: Bus drivers complain cyclists are destroying bus timetables by cycling slowly in bus lanes, as if they’ve always been on time before this date.
30th July: Barclays much vaunted cycle hire scheme goes live in London.
2nd August: Boris spends £1.2m on new cycles to replace those stolen in the previous 2 days.
5th August: Boris diverts funds from TfL’s bus budget to replace stolen bikes.
12th August: Halfords forecast bad quarter, bike profits slashed by 2/3rds.
18th August: London Assembly narrowly votes not to implement hanging for the crime of blue bike theft. Boris said to be “displeased”.
5th September: Having announced the catastrophic failure of TfL’s bus arm due to lack of funding from City Hall, some bus drivers decide to keep their buses and go freelance in lieu of payment of wages.
19th September: Police implement a shoot to kill policy for cyclists seen going through red lights.
27th September: Armed cyclists on a spree of violence kill hundreds of motorcyclists using the green “cycle” boxes at junctions.
01st October: Barclays pulls out of London. Most tube lines cease to operate due to overcrowding. Commuters turn back to their cars, sales of armour plated SUVs rocket.
17th October: Boris forced to resign as mayhem hits city streets, with bus drivers arming buses and taking out anyone in a bus lane, battles between cycle and bike gangs spilling out into warfare around the square mile and pedestrians with razor wire decapitating people at traffic lights.
24th October: Army brought in to calm city streets with tear gas and rubber bullets.
25th October: Army captains captured at Battle of Bond Street. Bus drivers claim city of London. Reinforcements sent for. Having captured assets of City of London, Mercedes is commissioned to build a fleet of 50 armed battle buses.
29th October: Boris stoned to death by founders of Living Streets, who in turn start giving free weapons to pedestrians to “keep them safe”.
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Returneth
Oh Easyjet, you give me a choice of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, Hello! And TopGear magazine? Christ.
So I’m on my final flight for now back from Berlin. Far too much luggage in the hold and hot and sweaty and it’s only 9:30am. Hectic week too!
Did Blond for the last time on Wednesday – was busy with lots of students eating food for some bizarre reason, didn’t get to say goodbye to Rene and Reinhart, which was a little annoying. Considered popping in last night but was far too sleepy and went to bed at 9 instead.
On Thursday, Bird was the word, my leaving do and drinks. Had a surprisingly “meh” steak, considering it was rare fillet and €45, But you only live once. I figure if you’re not going back to a place for a while, might as well steak it up a bit.
Finished documenting everything on Friday, things started to sink in a bit more, most of Friday was spent being a little bit sadface 
Packed up the flat, Liam’s birthday present, some bits for mum and Andy and realized I had over 20kg in my cheapo rolling bag thing and so hurriedly bought some more luggage allowance. Then headed to bed.
Up at 5 for my customary freakcity spell in the morning. Added some iPhone styles to the new site so it renders better on mobile devices. Did some washing and popped the dishwasher on then headed off to the airport,
Wheels on my cheapo rolling bag thing buckled under the weight of 26kg of contained luggage. Urg. Ended up dragging the thing through the airport. Think it might be a case of cab from London Bridge at this rate.
Well, assuming I don’t die. Someone put me on a Boeing
I start back in the London office on Monday, no rest for the wicked and all that. Bit of prototyping then a new client on Thursday, looks like I may get to start something from scratch, which would be ace. But we’ll see.
So I have an iPhone 4 en route. And typing this on the iPad I can most definitely say I will miss Android a lot. Single suggestions for words? No fathomable easy way to add words to a custom dictionary? No integration with your contacts? Pah! (pah, incidentally, is in the dictionary with a definition, yet still underlined as an error? How does THAT work, Apple? Oh, and caps lock would be nice too...)
It’ll be the little things I notice most I suspect. And I’ll miss Flash.
So going to end up carrying both phones with me.
Speaking of Android, I am testing the alpha of Cyanogen’s build of FroYo, very impressed right now. As Android is open source, it’s possible to roll your own. so he’s been rolling his own versions of Cupcake (2.1) and FroYo (2.2) for the Nexus One and various legacy devices. Want to use Cupcake on a G1? You got it! Very impressed so far, both with the speed of it and the additional extra bits such as an extended launcher and extra wallpapers and the like.
Pride today. Hoping to get back into London in time for the end of the parade and the picnic this afternoon. Then hoping to wave at all my friends as I collapse into a quivering sweaty lump. Yay for lack of sleep!
Tomorrow I may go a cyclin’, I’ve missed my bike...
Viewed 844 times.
Returneth
Oh Easyjet, you give me a choice of the Daily Mail, Mail on Sunday, Hello! And TopGear magazine? Christ.
So I’m on my final flight for now back from Berlin. Far too much luggage in the hold and hot and sweaty and it’s only 9:30am. Hectic week too!
Did Blond for the last time on Wednesday – was busy with lots of students eating food for some bizarre reason, didn’t get to say goodbye to Rene and Reinhart, which was a little annoying. Considered popping in last night but was far too sleepy and went to bed at 9 instead.
On Thursday, Bird was the word, my leaving do and drinks. Had a surprisingly “meh” steak, considering it was rare fillet and €45, But you only live once. I figure if you’re not going back to a place for a while, might as well steak it up a bit.
Finished documenting everything on Friday, things started to sink in a bit more, most of Friday was spent being a little bit sadface
Packed up the flat, Liam’s birthday present, some bits for mum and Andy and realized I had over 20kg in my cheapo rolling bag thing and so hurriedly bought some more luggage allowance. Then headed to bed.
Up at 5 for my customary freakcity spell in the morning. Added some iPhone styles to the new site so it renders better on mobile devices. Did some washing and popped the dishwasher on then headed off to the airport,
Wheels on my cheapo rolling bag thing buckled under the weight of 26kg of contained luggage. Urg. Ended up dragging the thing through the airport. Think it might be a case of cab from London Bridge at this rate.
Well, assuming I don’t die. Someone put me on a Boeing
I start back in the London office on Monday, no rest for the wicked and all that. Bit of prototyping then a new client on Thursday, looks like I may get to start something from scratch, which would be ace. But we’ll see.
So I have an iPhone 4 en route. And typing this on the iPad I can most definitely say I will miss Android a lot. Single suggestions for words? No fathomable easy way to add words to a custom dictionary? No integration with your contacts? Pah! (pah, incidentally, is in the dictionary with a definition, yet still underlined as an error? How does THAT work, Apple? Oh, and caps lock would be nice too...)
It’ll be the little things I notice most I suspect. And I’ll miss Flash.
So going to end up carrying both phones with me.
Speaking of Android, I am testing the alpha of Cyanogen’s build of FroYo, very impressed right now. As Android is open source, it’s possible to roll your own. so he’s been rolling his own versions of Cupcake (2.1) and FroYo (2.2) for the Nexus One and various legacy devices. Want to use Cupcake on a G1? You got it! Very impressed so far, both with the speed of it and the additional extra bits such as an extended launcher and extra wallpapers and the like.
Pride today. Hoping to get back into London in time for the end of the parade and the picnic this afternoon. Then hoping to wave at all my friends as I collapse into a quivering sweaty lump. Yay for lack of sleep!
Tomorrow I may go a cyclin’, I’ve missed my bike...