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Scott’s blog
Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
Driving back to London yesterday we were faced with a moment straight out of the League of Gentlemen as we passed an old dear on his electric mobility wagon chugging his way down the B3151 followed by a large quantity of very slow trucks and cars looking a little bit upset. I’m annoyed that I didn’t have any battery left in my camera by this point to take amusing photographs. The world conspires to fart in my face once more.
Back home to a strange smell in the flat. TJ is sure it’s coming from the toilet, I’m sure it’s coming from the kitchen, but hey.
Just had my work laptop upgraded to 2gig ram. It’s a bit faster and shinier. Woo!
I want to live in a tent in Glastonbury, I have decided. Possibly not until I’m a bit older, but one day I will. Possibly not in a tent either, but hey, a flat’ll do 
Failed to find sensibly priced boji stones for Dom to sneer at so didn’t buy any. Did however buy a small patch of leather from some very old women in a shop. Again, straight from League of Gentlemen, they pottered around, not quite being able to hear each other. Gareth wandered upstairs for a browse, which caused quite a stir as three of them asked each other confusedly if the fourth had gone upstairs, oblivious to my repeated mentioning that Gareth had gone upstairs. Eventually Gareth came back down just as they were selecting someone to go up and investigate, to be told “you’re not allowed up there without assistance, but you didn’t know, it’s alright” by one of them.
“You want some leather? Have a look through this bucket, I’ll cut you off a bit if it’s all too big”
“He wants what? Some leather? All very well and good but he’ll have to wait for this lady to pay...”
The ringleader wanders off and has the customer explain to her how to use the card machine amidst exclamations of “It’s connecting!” and "It says “Authorised!” and “what way up does it go in, dear?”
Eventually secured the aforementioned leather and wandered off. Which amused everyone else.
We went to the crappiest “spiritual festival” thing ever. Wandered into a room filled with the smell of incense and old men, instantly recognising it as the amazingly naff place we’d looked at pictures of unicorns one year. We wandered amongst psychic tarot readers and stone sellers to find a woman clutching a dagger and a joss stick in one hand, “cleansing” a woman’s aura by making wooshing noises as she cut through the air near her.
We wandered out again, a bit bemused and regretting having spent £3 on a pile of poo. Dom noticed a passage downstairs so we toodled down and found a very strange man claiming to be a psychic artist. He was drawing something from some poor Polish woman’s brain that had her bemused as much as us. This person (Paul, apparently) was a great leader and someone who had been known to the victim before he died. Mr Psychic could also sense the letters C, K, L and Q in a name that mentioned something to the poor woman. Yes, he was a bit crap. Even *I* know there’s not that many words in Polish with a “Q” in them...
His next victim was another poor woman. “I sense patterns. Do you work with patterns?”
“Well, I work on the computer, I guess that could be called patterns”
“I see this person. They have a pen”
“OMFG! I use a wacom tablet at work!!11”
“I sense you’re on a tightrope, that you’re doing a good job of balancing. Things have been hard for you but are getting better...”
Blah blah crap.
Victim number 3 was amusingly Dom. Who knew a man/woman thing who wore a hat. He’d obviously twigged we were fags as he started giving it this “I sense people don’t really understand you for who you really are” etc.
I think the pic was Florence Nightingale. Dom disagrees. Apparently it’s someone with long fingers and the properties of both a man and a woman. Hur. We both agree that Mr Psychic was rubbish tho.
“I’m not sure why he’s wearing a hat?”
Maybe it was your awful drawing talents?
Eating a pi
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Video blog
3gp:https://www.freakcity.net/test/11882460998380_1.3gp The final day of camping. Everything has gone wrong. The sun went down leaving me cooking in the full moon. The warm air vanished so I’m bouncing to keep warm. Personal things conspire to fart in my face once more but that much at least was expected. I need a holiday to get over my holiday, which sucks. So very tired but also fulfilled and happy. I just need sleeep. Sprats for 80p are sizzling away in flour. I am about to eat some and then chill out in the moonlight as we talk beliefs and stuff. Went to the Abbey earlier. Kinda forgot where the leyline was. Watched a duck have a fight with a koi carp. Listened to a man with a ridiculous codpiece talk about the dissolution. Scratched my bites. I miss hugs. I am sad but happy.
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Video blog
3gp:https://www.freakcity.net/test/11879829553313_1.3gp I’m on top of the world! There is nothing on earth more beautiful than watching the sun set over Glastonbury from on top of the Tor. Didgeridoo playing inside of the ruins behind me, the wind brisk against my face. Slowly the sun descends into crimson mist as the skies darken and a crispness grips us. I only wish my Nana could somehow get up here and see this. Makes every other thing in my life seem tiny and insignificant.
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...and I appear to have lost the start of my blog. Boggle. Oh well, it makes no sense at all now. Not that anyone’ll notice
Here, have a song! Written by someone else!
Orpheus sat gloomy in his garden shed
Wondering what to do
With a lump of wood, a piece of wire
And a little pot of glue
O Mamma O Mamma
He sawed at the wood with half a heart
And glued it top to bottom
He strung a wire in between
He was feeling something rotten
O Mamma O Mamma
Orpheus looked at his instrument
And he gave the wire a pluck
He heard a sound so beautiful
He gasped and said O my God
O Mamma O Mamma
He rushed inside to tell his wife
He went racing down the halls
Eurydice was still asleep in bed
Like a sack of cannonballs
O Mamma O Mamma
Look what I’ve made, cried Orpheus
And he plucked a gentle note
Eurydice’s eyes popped from their sockets
And her tongue burst through her throat
O Mamma O Mamma
O God, what have I done, he said
As her blood pooled in the sheets
But in his heart he felt a bliss
With which nothing could compete
O Mamma O Mamma
Orpheus went leaping through the fields
Strumming as hard as he did please
Birdies detonated in the sky
Bunnies dashed their brains out on the trees
O Mamma O Mamma
Orpheus strummed till his fingers bled
He hit a G minor 7
He woke up God from a deep, deep sleep
God was a major player in heaven
O Mamma O Mamma
God picked up a giant hammer
And He threw it with an thunderous yell
It smashed down hard on Orpheus’ head
And knocked him down a well
O Mamma O Mamma
The well went down very deep
Very deep went down the well
The well went down so very deep
Well, the well went down to hell
O Mamma O Mamma
Poor Orpheus woke up with a start
All amongst the rotting dead
His lyre tucked safe under his arm
His brains all down his head
O Mamma O Mamma
Eurydice appeared brindled in blood
And she said to Orpheus
If you play that fucking thing down here
I’ll stick it up your orifice!
O Mamma O Mamma
This lyre lark is for the birds, said Orpheus
It’s enough to send you bats
Let’s stay down here, Eurydice, dear
And we’ll have a bunch of screaming brats
O Mamma O Mamma
Orpheus picked up his lyre for the last time
He was on a real low down bummer
And stared deep into the abyss and said
This one is for Mamma
O Mamma O Mamma
O Mamma O Mamma
O Mamma O Mamma
O Mamma O Mamma
-- Nick Cave
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Oh. I also made a timelapse of my commute
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Woo. Yay. Etc.
fedora too (Intel open source accelerated graphics driver, wifi, bluetooth, etc). Which is pretty shiny. It’s just like my work one but a teensy bit slower and was a mere £430 off of eBay. Am dead chuffed. My first laptop bought without the aid of credit too 
Went to “A Binary Minefield” last week, Léigh’s clubnight. It was great fun, chilling out on a big leather sofa watching people perform bizarre but deeply cool electronica at us. Took many many pics (see flickr) and a bit of video too.
Novak died. And what’s more, she died on the day I accidentally bought a £400 laptop off of eBay, meaning I couldn’t afford to mend her. Suddenly stopped booting and there was a nasty smell of burnt sillicon about her. Got back from A Binary Minefield to discover this and so sat up until 1am fashioning a temporary server out of bits of Oliver’s old celeron. Which worked well enough to tide me over until the weekend
Jamie came over at the weekend and donated us a P4 motherboard and chip, I spent a time cleaning things out and making everything work as it should. Fingers crossed it’ll all be better now.
Dom popped round to pick up the überPC I’ve been building him too. He seems happy with it, which is good
Wrote my first SQL server stored procedure.
Got Owen to help out with bits of the new freakcity. Have created the front page. Need to build more of it before I put it on beta...hoping to get a feature complete version up in the next month or so, complete with customisable front page and some funky accessibility stuff. This rewrite will be from scratch tho, so might take longer, but hopefully will be leaner and work better.
Lunching means I’ve dried out a bit and am munching sushi, which is good. Apparently the weather in Glastonbury should be good tomorrow, which is noice. Hopefully seeing Danny on Friday, if he sorts his shit out. Am so looking forward to 5 days with not much to do.
Was off work yesterday because I felt shite. Feeling a bit better now tho, but still not great.
Growing a bit bored of facebook. Wonder what the next big thing is gonna be?
This made me giggle:
Out cycling yesterday to top up my ill ill ill bank balance, biked past Lee Hurst walking his doggie in Limehouse Basin. In a lovely hat too. Aww...
I’ve just been moved at work. I now get a window seat
Camping tomorrow. Packing tonight. I am happy.
Back to work Wednesday.
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Video blog
3gp:https://www.freakcity.net/test/11872058464822_1.3gp
So I’m here in a disused public toilet called Ginglik in Shepherd’s Bush at Leigh’s Bit Phalanx clubnight. The venue is amazing (there’ll be photos later). First act is pretty damn hot. Er. Talented. That’s what I meant, talented. Next time this happens I demand more freaks
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I think...
I’m currently avoiding doing any freakcity. Which is rubbish of me. I had such high hopes for my afternoon of work. So I’m gonna have pizza, watch some trashy telly and then think about doing it again. Y’see, I have this idea for writings on profiles. So you can use freakcity as a place to scribble stuff, work on stuff, think about what you’re doing, that’s always available with a net connection. And then you can publish anything you finish on your profile. But I might not do that today. I might just make a toy. Or go to bed. Bah. Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed at XXL until 5am last night...
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Cold beer
Today marks a week since my last cig. Yay me! (also a week since my last alcohol, regardless of whatever it was Scareglow was trying to feed me at Pride.
Found Tim on St James’ Street at about 10pm on Saturday, had a bit of a natter. We were stood outside the Saint James pub by the ambulance watching drunken injured gays get fixed. Eventually found a Scareglow and a couple of others and wandered about a bit. Mayhem. Some party! Sunin accidentally got a bit broken, bad Vodka+Guinness. Wandered down to the beach where we had a very scary encounter with a couple of drunken heterosexuals who had lost an engagement ring and seemed to think that was an excuse to act like cunts and be pretty horrible to everyone. Throwing tables around isn’t sensible at the best of times, less so when you’re drunk and the people who own the tables are bigger than you. Ah well. Some friendly gays found the ring and then they fucked off and we headed back down to the beach.
It was a bit nippy by this time and so we were wandering around and saying hello to anyone with a fire, found a group of strange people (one was straight but kept mincing and asking everyone if they thought he was gay or straight). Sunin went for a wee in the sea and felt a bit bad until I pointed out that the entire of Brighton wees in the sea and not to worry about it too much.
Decided I was tired and as Sunin had that “I want to get more drunk” look in his eyes that I should be mean and take him home. Eventually got a cab and then bed by about 2am.
Up early on Sunday, trolled gaydar a bit for giggles. Apparently the NF tried to kick off and got arrested. Apparently there were 8 arrests, people were still partying in the street when we were looking for breakfast parking at noon the next day. Scary stuff. Met up with Ulf and Peter for brunch, my treat as they’d let us stay. Ate huge steak. Mmm.
Music appeared, we moaned about it being too loud, but unfortunately live instruments don’t appear to have volume controls. Bah.
Headed off and trundled back to London. Which was a bit of an adventure. First of all we got sidetracked by Argos, where Sunin bought the same tent as I had the week before. Two bedroom mansion with en suite parking for £39.99. Pretty darn good. And yes, after my £20 Sainsbury’s tent collapsing in a hurricane last camping trip it’s pretty evident I’ve not learnt my lesson about buying cheap tents. Bah.
Shockingly enough, being gay and all, the lure of Ikea proved too great and we fell in. Bad Croydon. An hour and a half later we emerged with some pot plants and a robe.
At this point London broke and it took us another 2 hours to get home from there. Bah. Early night, shower is died at home and so I smell at the moment, but it should be being fixed later today and then I’ll have a brand new one that might work 
Work are thinking of moving me off of Orange and onto Nokia, apparently. Which is going to be WAY more fun than Orange. So, fingers crossed, I’ll be all happy and smiley again soon
Popping into saunas for a shower is a bit seedy...
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Video blog
3gp:https://www.freakcity.net/test/11862615739731_1.3gp
laying on the beach surrounded by rowdy drunk gays. The freaks appear to have all buggered off home, so for the moment it’s only me and Sunin left. Trying to acquire an Ulf and a Timbo (who I’ve now net for the first time ) and anyone else we can find. Sunin has guinness and I have mineral water so we’re all set for a rocking time out here. So very tired but so very chilled. I shall sleep like a log tonight. Apparently there’s fireworks in a moment and a street party too until late. And then it’s back to the hell of London tomorrow :s
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Video blog
3gp:https://www.freakcity.net/test/11862330289074_1.3gp
it’s Pride in Brighton and everyone’s gay. Or something. Went to a really crap bar last night, bumped into a Retro barman, went to a really nice restaurant that involved socked feet and sitting on the floor (which is apparently bad for Sunin) and a fairly early night. Day 5 of no cigarettes or alcohol and the cig cravings are a bit bad but manageable. Breakfast on the beach at 10am was only slightly spoiled by the breakfast tasting like shit. The procession was fun. Way more dykes here than in London, which had never really hit me before. Met up with Ulf and Peter to pick up flat keys, had a caesar salad which was served from between the buttocks of a very fit waiter (I wish). And then got the special Pride bus, which is full of singing gays :-) - now, time to get off the bus and abuse National Front members
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So...
...we get to Überthursday to discover it’s not actually on tonight and it’s in fact a hard gay sex club. Titter. So we’re going to watch the cinema, brb x
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Holidays schmolidays
So what have I been up to since the last time I blogged. Bleh. Too much. Have some musings --
Went to see the Kronos Quartet, who were amazing, although I almost didn’t get to see them as for some unknown reason I thought they were on at the South Bank Centre and they weren’t, they were at the Barbican.
Bought a 6 man tent for £40. CAMPING IN 3 WEEKS!
Danny may be moving to London, which makes me happier than I’ve been in a while, although I don’t know why. Maybe we’ll sort things out, maybe we won’t, I don’t know.
Danny is not, however, coming to Brighton Pride, which makes me sad.
I, am, using, too, many, commas.
I’m growing increasingly weary of London and all that it stands for. I’m as yet unsure what I’m going to do about it, but I’m contemplating not buying a flat here quite yet. And yeah, this may just be me becoming increasingly pissed off with how things are at home, but hey, I can dream.
I have had less sleep in the last two weeks than at any other time in My Pointless Life™.
I surprised my grandfather for his 79th birthday last weekend by coordinating with Mum and arriving in the restaurant they went to for their birthday dinner just before they all did. Which was surprising for them all.
Popped back to their place. It’s the only constant in my life, I mused, as I lay under the old apple tree that’s older than I am. They’ve always lived there, my Mum also lived there with my aunt when she was younger too. I was given water in a brown patterned glass that I remember from my childhood. It’s probably older than I am too. So much changes but so much stays the same. A slight reminder brings back a flood of memories, long forgotten. It’s nice and sad at the same time. All things must come to an end.
My aunt is apparently currently going through a menopause backwards on account of the nasty cancer drugs she was on, which is leaving her a tad perplexed.
My mum is 50 this year. I can remember my grandmother’s 50th. They are so completely different it’s truly scary.
I think I’ve ODd on chicken wings.
I am unwilling to meet in the middle if the other party is also unwilling to meet in the middle.
All the bears in America apparently think I’m quite sexy, which is irritating as I was aiming for the chasers...
I long to be sat in a field under stars with no care other than work.
I cannot do karaoke with a sore throat convincingly, nomatter how drunk I am.
The Swan is a dive.
The speed at which a misconception moves is slightly faster than the speed at which rational thought is allowed to navigate the same passages. Leading to much sadness in myself.
I need to stop drinking but I don’t know if I’m strong enough at the moment. I am going to try.
Giving up smoking is incompatible with difficult situations in very cheap bars when the alcohol is flowing and the brain is muddied. Gah. Still, I managed to only have one that night and I’ve not had any more since.
Sorry Chris/Matt for what was truly a fucked up evening. Next time, let’s just take Matt’s suggestion and go see a show? 
Dom’s PC is built, running, quiet, fast, Vista/XP enabled and loaded with goodies. So he’ll probably forget to turn up tomorrow morning and come visit it.
I HATE PEOPLE WHO FUCKING LIE
It’s Thursday and I haven’t done any scottjoyce.net or any freakcity.net.
I’m going to Überthursday tonight. I am not drinking. I am not smoking. I am going to see people I haven’t in a while and have a fucking good time. Even if I have to kill everyone else in the world to do it.
I <3 Cyberdog. And crab claw things from the lil chinese place right by it. And the army shop where I bought an ammo tin for condoms and lube.
I have a brand spanking new Canon Ixus 70 which is making me quite happy.
I’m considering going away for pointless weekend breaks to places like Manchesterford and Leedslet just to escape the mundaneness of life right now.
2 weeks until Glasto. Yay. Must book the fucking thing tho...
My mind i