I was flicking through old musings of mine and found this: <Chief Seattle "" Sometimes I see futures, many futures. Last night I saw a future, it won’t happen (I hope) bit I saw it in the clarity and truth of the dream I had about Nigel*. I was powerless in that dream/reality, I hope I’m not in this one. Consciousness 1 Deep sleep 2 REM sleep (dreaming) 3 Depression 4 Middling (generally how we are every day) 5 Happiness 6 That holiday feeling — more than happiness, things seem to make sense in odd ways 7 The enlightenment known to Sidhartha Gautama, amongst others. The sense of rising above everything, seeing all of your your problems as a little constriction in the flow of life. Sensing the connectedness of all things. This feeling is usually so quick the human mind cannot comprehend what is seen, as language is a bad limitation. Sometimes things don’t seem worth it. Sometimes you feel so low that you just can’t cope. Live for how you feel now, I promise that you will feel like this again. It is something that cannot really be explained by any psychology books, or to any degree of accuracy by me, as it differs from person to person, but it happens, and it is as real as the sun and the stars>> [s[ [f[* Nigel was my first boyfriend — I dreamt some stuff that seemed true and to some extent I found out it was]f] ]s] So yeah. I was full of shit back then too...I must have been around 18 when I wrote that <> In other news, TJ has run out of fags and therefore I’m expecting the flat to be tidy tonight. Steak for tea last night. Plus a hefty helping of Twin Peaks. So very tired. Had an early night. Seeing Gareth on Saturday because it’s been way too long since we cuddled. Work party tomorrow night. And next week I start work on something super secret and soo immensely cool that I almost wet myself. Almost. But I can’t tell anyone about it. Bah. Well, until it launches...