cunted last night. Not yet strong enough to deal with whatever the fuck is going on around me, can’t feel it any more, so just drank until it stopped. Then drank some more. Became miserableDrunk and crap, should apologise to Alan for him having to listen to it. Retro then Swan. Then home, sleep and woke up with tears in my eyes again. Random valentines present arrival made me feel better, sort of. There’s only one person I want it to be from and I strongly suspect it’s not him sending it... So bittersweet. Listening to “A Sea of Honey”. Best album of 2005 hands down. Aerial. Not a single singer/songwriter comes close to being able to touch her depth or composition. Plus it’s nice to hear Michael Kamen’s orchestration for the last time. We’ll miss him greatly, Wish he was here... So, me. I don’t yet have the strength to deal with the world. I let it all go. Let it all go to a specific person who I care about a great deal in the hope it’d help her deal with cancer. So...I hover in the twilight, neither asleep or awake, just trying to get through the next day. When was that ever my fucking plan? I need to be strong again. I need to stop needing my crutch. I need to see again. I need to help again. Mostly I need to be me again. I am going to Glastonbury this year. Any freaks who wanna come, grab a tent and join me. If not I’ll go alone. Somewhat fitting really. And I’m sorry Warren, I should control myself better when drunk, I know I have a way of making stuff known that’s not conventional and can hurt lots :S