I don’t know what to write. I am somewhere under all of this, not sure what I’m doing or where I’m going. Layer upon layer, I hide under it all. I know why, I can see what I need to do, but I don’t want to do it. So I find excuse after excuse not to. Well today I will do it. I will get it over and done with. Then I will not worry further for a month or so. Feeling low. Didn’t go to work yesterday. Lay in bed and slept much. I need a break. Shouldn’t have come to work today either, but I have too much to do. There’s not enough time, time escapes us all in the end. I want to stretch the time I have free, make the most of it, but in the end it’s too tiring and leaves me feeling low. Like a comedown. I must save something for the week. Hotels.com lost my reservation, or so it seemed, on Friday night. But no, they’d not lost it, they’d booked it under Jon’s name, not mine. How ridiculous is that? An hour waiting until I came up with the idea of looking up Jon, as he was the only other name on the booking. And there it was. Jon’s name, my debit card details. KFC for dinner in our hotel room. How healthy of us. Mum came to visit on Saturday with her nephews. Giving Dee space to recover from her surgery. She is feeling low too, I can sense it. It’s understandable, but it echoes inside of me and makes it difficult for me to focus on what is me and what is her. It feels like the yellow of sunset inside of me, I can’t explain why or how. It’s strange. It covers everything with its own colour, obliterating individuality. Went for a walk with the boys, Mum and Andy. Wandered down to Canary Wharf and grabbed a clipper to the Savoy. Went to Mr Wu for dinner via Covent Garden and then headed home again. Mum left aubergines in my bag. I put together my new PC, like so much overpriced lego. I’m not convinced the PSU is right for it, however. It seems to run stupidly hot. and my DVD drive won’t run under UDMA. And XP won’t run in anything other than safe mode currently without the dreaded IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL bluescreen. Which would indicate a memory fault or a driver fault or an incorrect PCI-E voltage. I’ve run the MS memory tester on all 4 gig of ram and it’s fine. I need to run memtest86 on it too just to confirm. I’m also installing vista on a spare partition to see if it’ll run. If it does I’ll try and get XP64 and see if that upgrades correctly. Will install FC5 on it as well. Didn’t do much yesterday apart from feel crap and watch telly. Watched V for Vendetta. Intriguing. Watched the pilot of Heroes too, liked it a lot. Argued a bit with windows. Gave up. Spent too much so far this month. Far too much. Oh well.