Scott’s blog
Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
Fell City Girl: February Snow
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Woo.
Fell City Girl were rather good. Took TJ too, took loads of pics as well. My new soundcard and DVD drive arrived on Saturday as well as my case lagging. Fiddled with PC some. Noticed that my motherboard is only seeing my sata drive as sata and not sata II. So it’s running at half speed, which is annoying. Shall endeavour to fix later. Biked about a bit to try and find laptop screws but nowhere was open so had to improvise somewhat. Oh well. Off to Lakeside now to meet mum. Fab.
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2 comments.
MIxed MEssages
Yesterday I got a payrise. Today I got an extra large pay packet. Tomorrow, I get a DVD writer, new soundcard and some extra bits. Next week I get a few DVDs. The week after I get to go to COURT! Fun.
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Am I valid?
October bash. Much drunkenness from everyone. Else. Took a few photos. Avoided annoying people for the most part. Got an appointment with legal types at the Royal Courts of Justice this Friday. There’s no CCTV footage available (it’s only kept for a month) and no Oyster records available (they’re only kept for 8 weeks) and so my future as an innocent is looking somewhat bleak. If I can’t prove through CCTV or Oyster records that I paid for my journey then I’m slightly screwed. I’ve never even been in a court let alone been accused of being a crim so maybe that’ll count in my favour, but I can’t help but think the lovely people at Transport Investigations Ltd just sit on cases for 6 months, until there’s no hope of getting proof from elsewhere, and then take people to court. It’s a shit tactic. My summons was given to them 6 weeks before the court date, they sat on it for 4 weeks. That’s shit of them. Still. They refused my data request, in contravention of the Data Protection Act 1998, so perhaps they’re actually fuckwits. At any rate if they do have a copy of my oyster records I can prove I paid. If they don’t then they lied when they told me they’d reviewed my oyster records. Which is possibly a good thing for me. I don’t know, I’ll talk to some lawyer types on Friday and find out. I’m still tempted by the idea of bombing huntingdon. Maybe if I told george there were muslims there... Trawled around Bluewater with Sunin and Tom. Tom bought an LED flashing sign which he programmed to read “Bum me please” or something and we wandered around gaily trying to find cute chavs. For the most part we failed. Ate too much in Pizza Express. Did Tesco at obscene o’clock Thursday evening. Was funny. Mousey arrived on Friday evening for the Babylon5athon, as did Lloyd - he seemed shocked I knew his last name, which was a bit bizarre. We watched trash TV and chatted and they drank and Sunin accidentally became incapable of speech. It was all good. Octoberbash day and NO shirt. Bah. It arrived yesterday, one day too late We got down to hard b5ing, Jamie arrived with Donuts, we ate. Jamie donated me a laptop for my Aunt as well as some more ram. Novak now has 2gig and Pixel has 6gig. Possibly a little overspecced I ripped some DVDs at breakneck speed. Took the deid drive out of Novak, am going to do what I can to send it off today. Going to need to cash another cheque. Bah. Still not got my refund through from the evil people at Maplin, don’t know what’s up with that, will phone in a bit and find out. Fedora Core 6 is released at 2pm. With AIGLX built in (I think). Fingers crossed... I will attempt virtualisation to get XP running in a vmware instance on linux. Should have the ram and speed to do it with no problem, then I can work in that if I need to (ie FC maintenance and stuff) and use free software elsewhere. “Knowledge is power. Knowledge shared is power lost.”. Did Aleister Crowley actually understand why this is the case or realise that the church is broken because of this? Let me tell you a story. A very long time ago, somebody discovered that he could make things happen by willing them to happen. He discovered that telling people had a mixed effect. If he told someone with absolute faith in him then their faith would be rewarded by proof. But if he told someone who doubted him, the very action of their doubt would render him unable to perform. And thus the first religion was born. Absolute faith was required to enable him to create wonder. Rote became law. Fanaticism grew, those with faith believed in him because they could see what he was doing. People without faith were destroyed and he became a mighty leader, challenging those in authority. The knowledge of how to create wonder was shared with only a very few. They surrounded themselves with people of faith, their faith was the fuel for the miracles. Slowly others managed to do the s
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Whee
I am in a field. I have all my possessions on me. I ask someone to look after them. They don’t. I turn my back, they are appropriated by the Big Kids™. I try to ask nicely if I can have them back but they’re not listening. The law doesn’t care. I wait. I get a call. It’s a second hand shop. Some of the speakers for my stereo have turned up, would I like to buy them? I buy them. With someone else’s money. Fairly early night Friday, (FOUR FUCKING AM!). Woke at 11 on Saturday and fucked about with PC until I zoomed off to Liverpool St to meet Blue at 3. Wandered about Spitalfields and the surrounding area, happily making things work with regards to light and stuff. Most of the shots were in low light, so I got a bit of a dissappointing good:bad ratio of shots, underlit or blurred, but there were still about 10 shots that were outstanding, knowing Blue, he only wants one or two. His son tagged along too, which was fun. Got him to take a couple of pics, and he inadvertantly ended up in a couple, which was a nice touch. Left him at around 5 and headed back to the flat. Mario and Lloyd arrived, followed by Ulf and we all headed out to Ho Lee for some rather lovely chinese food. Mario was convinced that one of the old dears on the table behind me was from East Enders, but I have no fricken clue as I’ve not watched it in about 23 years. Had steak in a pepper sauce, because it’s always fun to have something brought to your table that sizzles like a bastard. Bussed it to XXL, entered and chilled out a lot. Caught up with a couple of long lost faces, one of the people I thought I saw from the corner of my eye was John Cargill, the guy who used to run Take 5 in Norwich...then I thought “don’t be silly”. I then bumped into Aaron who told me I was the second person he’d seen from Norwich in the club that night, and that other bloke, what was his name? Used to run the café bar...heh. Turns out it was John Cargill I’d seen. Bizarre... Smess was there with a very fetching moustache. Did his best to ignore me even though I said hello and he was chatting away with Mario and Lloyd. Giggle. Half of the rest of the Retro bar staff were there too. Fortunately I didn’t see any of them other than John in the darkroom Don’t remember who else I bumped into, but there were a few people. Stayed until about 4am then headed off with Ulf to Cannon Street and a closed bus stop. Again. Eventually found another one and got home at just gone 5. Bed. Sleep. LOTS of sleep. Well, ish. Woke up at 10 on Sunday and spent some time doing scary computery things to things. Dragged Ulf out of bed and then took the three of us (Mogwai left the flat!) out to meet Justin and Matijs for lunch at Limehouse. Went to Café Verde and had steak (again. Tsk) and chatted about the universe and stuff. Then headed up to Camden to fight emo tourists. Camden is somewhere I should really spend more time. It’s lovely. I almost bought some new boots, but I think I’ll wait until I’m a bit richer next month. I go there and there’s so many things to see, so many things to capture, but pictures don’t do it justice. I want it to be for me, so the camera shutter stays closed. I want to buy cyberdog and turn it into a bar. It’d be the coolest place in London. Ate bits of chicken and some crab claws. Also ate some bits of sweet and sour stuff. Was all a bit yummy. Ulf bought a bong. I bought nothing Headed back at 5:30ish and set about playing with FC6 prerelease, died of boredom a little and then did some other bits and bobs. Tried to get Reason to make noises, to some degree of success. May try more tonight. It’s all so horribly complicated it makes me want to run and hide, but it’d allow me to create more and wilder songs so I should really learn the bugger. Downloaded an introduction CD tutorial thing. Will go through it later today. Small shininess. I got bank records for the fir
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So what? You thought things would go back to how they were?
Flying through my life at a rate of knots. I need to make the weekends slower and the weeks faster. I have either a review today or early next week. I have some small bugs to fix but have nearly finished. Then, I’m going to be doing something fabulous for a month or so which you’ll all hear about soon enough. A fabulous man of 40+ in lycra stopped by me when I was cycling to overreact thusly to my mudgard: “Did you know that your mudgard entirely obscures your rear light?” I was about to say “I am aware, as I put it there...” but decided I couldn’t be bothered with either that or the futility of questioning his logic. I should have just said “Oh, how did you notice it then?” There’s no repo for ccrma for 64 bit linux yet. I am sad. So I either have to give up on the idea or compile everything from source. I wonder if I can create a 64bit realtime kernel...hmm Or I might just learn Reason. I bought a midi adaptor so I should be able to go from my Korg to my PC via my livedrive. In theory, anyways. Well, if it’s not dead. It’s the bit of my PC that caught fire, see? Perhaps I’ll just get one of these new fangled new soundcard things that creative are banging on about at the moment, x-fi. It’s like the audigy but for the new age... shining away in my case. Should I buy a flashy thing for my HDD LED, as my case doesn’t have one? I could put it inside the case and have glowy grills. Or maybe it’d just show up the horrific amounts of dust in there. Watched Sin City. Beautiful camerawork. It was definitely worth buying. Too much work. Looked at freakcity last night. Went crosseyed and watched Final Fantasy instead...early night, woke up too early too, so installed FC5 x86_64 for a laugh. Even though FC6 is out Tuesday. Ah well Sleepage needed. Mogs is away tonight so I have the place to myself. Might stay in and tidy some or might run off somewhere fun. Not sure yet. Will decide when I get home. Foggy morning. Failed to get run over, managed to take some amazing photos though, which was good. Yay!
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1 comment.
woot
I managed to hit 1000 miles on my bike on Monday evening on the way home from work. How cool is that? Work dull. Private life dull. Wallet ok. PC shiny. Vista RC2 is swimming along in 64bit heaven on Pixel...I’m going to add more shit to it tonight and see if it explodes, but overall I’ve been shockingly impressed with it compared to the speed of XP an stuff. I might even buy it...
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Dreamscape
I meet him for the first time in years. I am nervous. We are in a bar I’ve never been to before. In a place unfamiliar to me. We hug. We kiss. I wonder if it means as much to him as it does to me. I thank him for agreeing to see me after so long. We talk. I tell him of the new flat, he tells me of his new place. I tell him the old flat just didn’t seem the same without him. We hug more. I tell him I miss him so much. I miss him every day. Some people arrive. Somehow familiar but not. I have to go. I have things to do. I wade through people to the outside. I cycle. I come back. The bar is full. I am roaming around, trying to find him. Somehow the bar is now someone’s house, I am in a party. No-one has seen him. I get anxious. I am outside, it is daylight. I don’t know how I got there, but I know I have to get back. I see the bar, on the river. I cycle up the hill to it. I lock my bike. I am puzzled by my blackout. I don’t know how much time has passed. I enter the bar, walking around, every corner I turn looks familiar, the familiar leather sofas, the familiar layout, but not quite right. Until eventually I arrive at the right one. He is still there. He has a blackberry now. He is swapping numbers with someone else. I urgently need to talk to him, but I can’t find the words. Inside I am screaming “no”. Outside I am all smiles. I take his arm and we leave. My family are there, we are all trying to get into the big car. He is in, I cannot talk to him because I do not fit in the car. I tell them it’s ok, I can cycle. I don’t see him again. I wake up. It was Phantom of the Opera’s 20th anniversary at Her Majesty’s Theatre, Haymarket, yesterday. I’ve always wanted to go, but always held off. He went to see it once and said it was wonderful, I’d always hoped to take us both. Maybe I’ll go on my own.
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Smile, you’re on camera!
+Friday+ night I elected to simply trundle home and poke bits of computer from time to time. TJ was out so I chilled, sat online, that kinda thing. For a change. Discovered that, having bought three PSUs so far, it wasn’t the PSU but in fact the silicon SATA raid drivers that were killing ’doze. Yeehah! Up earlyish, was meant to be doing a photoshoot for Blue, but he didn’t show. I’d not talked to him this week though so wasn’t sure if he would. So biked to Liverpool St via the PC place where I bought last Saturday’s PSU to get a refund. Parked up, wandered about a bit, got some food from Tesco and then continued to argue with my PC. It was randomly freezing on me. Eventually got frustrated so gave up and played with the camera a bit instead. Found out how to do time lapse photography using it (although I’d probably need mains power to do it properly) as well as taking a load of silly new pics of me. As it looked like the sunset might be pretty I biked up to Tower Bridge to take some photos. I was going to go round the south bank towards Greenwich but decided to go into town instead, taking photos as I went along. Was fun... Smiling at tourists is such a chore, but one has to leave the correct impression... Played with the aperture on manual mode, something I’d not done before. I’m learning shiny new things with my shiny new camera. The moon was full and beautiful, it hung in the sky in exactly the way ripe round breasts don’t. Took a zoom pic of it. As well as some pictures at ISO 3200 which came out ok. Played a bit with taking photos of me on flash but with extra long exposures (30 seconds or so) which came out well. Stopped at Costa on Old Compton St for a vat of coffee. Literally. Two handles and everything. Watched the gay world fly by in bright colours and hard erect nipples. Far too cold out for fashion, but who cares? Contemplated blogging a bit but realised that I’d not got my T3 on me. Then considered that I might have left it at work. I haven’t. I’ll be annoyed if I’ve gone and lost it... Biked back. Was going to stop in at XXL but couldn’t be bothered. Sat at home and stroked my PC a bit more until it decided to be stableish, then chatted to people. Well, person. Until about 4am...oops. Up at 10 on Sunday biked over to Maplin in Stratford to try and get a refund on my other unneeded PSU, yay. Bought food for the week in Morrisons and then dashed home and poked more bits of PC. The Diskkeeper drivers were killing it too. Removed it and now it’s all shiny fast and working ok. I’d put Vista on it on Thursday night, managed to get it all working with the network on Friday, so I have 64bit Vista dual booting with XP. I shall actually make that three OSen soon as I’m putting Fedora on there too. Vista is kinda pretty, although the prettyness wears thin quite quickly. It’s pretty stable using my subset of drivers, but there’s no webcam so I’m sulking a bit (someone make me cs330 drivers for Vista? Taverymuch). I’m considering installing all my software on it and trying it out for a bit. It comes with a shiny settings transfer wizard so I might actually be able to just transfer the majority of settings from XP to it with little trouble. Don’t know if I can be bothered though. Worked hard reinstalling things on Sunday evening until I was up and running on a perfectly stable system. Chatted to some people a bit. Early night but didn’t sleep so well...oh well. Hoping to catch up with Leigh this week for some photos, also hoping to do something to avoid going overdrawn. Damn this month’s been expensive so far...
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Smiling through the sky into arms of light
red light blue moon the river spoke too soon green life jazz off key The only reminder For me Twelve stone seven the person I was Slow moves Just because Small waves comfort me paid for thoughts longing for free smiling around you hit the town I’ve lost I’ve lost
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It’s raining, what has become of my painting?
Went out last night to the Admiral Dunk and bumped into a guy called Steve I knew years ago. Like 8 years ago. Commented “I’ve known him since I was 16” and someone said they were a little concerned that I knew him when he was 16...with a knowing wink...evidently it didn’t occur to them that I was 24 at the time. Age frequently makes me mirth all over the place. Sorted (YAY!) my random BSOD issue. The Silicon Image SATA Raid controller required disabling. Soon as I did that I got a lovely stable (ish) PC. Well, apart from the Nvidia PATA controller now being broken, that is. So I can’t install the network drivers on the CD because...er...they’re on the CD. Which is unaccessible without the PATA driver. Sometimes, Windows is deeply retarded. Like when I reinstalled over the weekend using a USB keyboard. And it popped up a confirmation dialog box about a driver that it was going to install. A driver it thought it’d install before the HID ones. Therefore I couldn’t click or hit return, all I could do was stare at the stunning ingenuity of Microsoft before running off and finding a ps/2 keyboard and restarting the whole thing again. So. I have an IRQ conflict that’s stopping the lovely PATA device from starting. Or more accurately, there’s not a spare one going. So I disable some stuff, remove my D-Link wifi card, but still, computer says no. I might just install XP64 and be done with it. Vista is very shiny and lovely and shiny. Aero is a bit gorgeous as interfaces go. It’s sitting on one of my partitions, humming away lovingly. However, it can’t find either the Broadcom 5751 or the D-Link G520M network cards. Either of them. And both of them are supported, supposedly. Gah. I might give up this hardware lark and become a milkman... Admiral Dunk was fun. Danny and Sunin and me and Lloyd and Mogs assaulted random people we knew. Mr TheCanadian David turned up (invited him to the Octoberbash although knowing him he’ll forget). And yeah, Steve, who is one of Sal’s exes IIRC. He was chatting up a Canadian who we’d all seen walk in a few minutes before and Danny was dribbling at, so I popped over and said hello and got everyone talking to each other. Which was fun Drove back with Sunin, got chatting about magazines and stuff, showed him the old copies of shOUT I had kicking about so he could see what I used to do when I was ickle. “Oh my god, 1994”. Damn I feel old. Even if I’m not... Forked out £79 for a proper PSU with all the proper connectors and proper fans and stuff. Installed some case fans too. Plugged it all in and let her rip. The mobo had a “Cool’n’quiet” feature that basically means it’s almost silent when it’s not doing much. It’s so gorgeous. Tonight I’m going to put all the old bits into manny and see if a new PSU brings it all back to life. If so, I shall rejoice and dance round things before considering what to do. Do I sell OldPixel or do I keep her around as NewManny and put OldManny into a case for the grandmother? How much would I get for OldPixel? Athlon XP3200+ (2.2ghz) 1gig RAM 120gig HDD GeForce MX 5200 Dual boot custom cut down version of WindowsXP and Fedora 15,000 photos (giggle) I’m guessing not too much, whereas it’s a fucking fast PC Again, I’m thinking of buying a new TFT and just putting it under the livingroom table for guests, all wifid up. Either that or I might give it to OB in exchange for his old one and do the same with his old one. The New Pixel is rather gorgeously fast though. Can’t wait to give it a proper spin. Dual Opteron 248 (2x2.2ghz) 4gig ECC RAM 250gig SATA RAID (supports SATA300 but my ickle drive’s not that quick) NForce4 chipset GeForce GS 6300 Triple boot XP, Vista and Fedora (or will by the end of the day ) I’m considering not putting XP64 on it and merely setting up some virtualisation software (Xen) under Fedora, running XP in a window in XGL would be lovely.
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Glowing love of empathy
I don’t know what to write. I am somewhere under all of this, not sure what I’m doing or where I’m going. Layer upon layer, I hide under it all. I know why, I can see what I need to do, but I don’t want to do it. So I find excuse after excuse not to. Well today I will do it. I will get it over and done with. Then I will not worry further for a month or so. Feeling low. Didn’t go to work yesterday. Lay in bed and slept much. I need a break. Shouldn’t have come to work today either, but I have too much to do. There’s not enough time, time escapes us all in the end. I want to stretch the time I have free, make the most of it, but in the end it’s too tiring and leaves me feeling low. Like a comedown. I must save something for the week. Hotels.com lost my reservation, or so it seemed, on Friday night. But no, they’d not lost it, they’d booked it under Jon’s name, not mine. How ridiculous is that? An hour waiting until I came up with the idea of looking up Jon, as he was the only other name on the booking. And there it was. Jon’s name, my debit card details. KFC for dinner in our hotel room. How healthy of us. Mum came to visit on Saturday with her nephews. Giving Dee space to recover from her surgery. She is feeling low too, I can sense it. It’s understandable, but it echoes inside of me and makes it difficult for me to focus on what is me and what is her. It feels like the yellow of sunset inside of me, I can’t explain why or how. It’s strange. It covers everything with its own colour, obliterating individuality. Went for a walk with the boys, Mum and Andy. Wandered down to Canary Wharf and grabbed a clipper to the Savoy. Went to Mr Wu for dinner via Covent Garden and then headed home again. Mum left aubergines in my bag. I put together my new PC, like so much overpriced lego. I’m not convinced the PSU is right for it, however. It seems to run stupidly hot. and my DVD drive won’t run under UDMA. And XP won’t run in anything other than safe mode currently without the dreaded IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL bluescreen. Which would indicate a memory fault or a driver fault or an incorrect PCI-E voltage. I’ve run the MS memory tester on all 4 gig of ram and it’s fine. I need to run memtest86 on it too just to confirm. I’m also installing vista on a spare partition to see if it’ll run. If it does I’ll try and get XP64 and see if that upgrades correctly. Will install FC5 on it as well. Didn’t do much yesterday apart from feel crap and watch telly. Watched V for Vendetta. Intriguing. Watched the pilot of Heroes too, liked it a lot. Argued a bit with windows. Gave up. Spent too much so far this month. Far too much. Oh well.