Scott’s blog
Musings on a world I am no longer sure about
random
Chatting on and off with Chris all day. Mostly it’s been good...so am hoping when he reads the above he understands that I wrote it on the bus, before I’d talked to him, I hope he understands where I was coming from and understands that that’s not exactly how I feel now. It’s all good I guess. More work needed, but hey, it’s fun. I don’t really wanna let him go any more than he wants to let me go I think...I dunno. He moaned coz I don’t talk about him enough in my journal, the cheek 
Ah well...what happens happens, who knows the shape of the future?
Got the look and feel stuff to work fine in IE but die spectacularly in firefox. And I feel sick and ill. So probably not going to run off to the sauna tonight, probably just going to go home and sleeep lots and lots. And hope that I actually manage sleep this time.
Weird dreams last night. Waking dreams. Can’t really remember any of it apart from the uncertainty present in it all. Woke up thinking it was Friday, was crushed when it only appeared to be Thursday. Bah!
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blurgh.
Went for a beer with Lloyd on Tues (bored, crap day at work fighting with CSS). Met at Retro then headed to CXR coz it was happy hour. Lloyd headed off to Ronnie Scotts to meet Jack and I hung around in a dark corner watching people. Dom decided he couldn’t make it to see me so chatted a bit via text about things. Also chatted to Owen some. Possibly gave him a bit of a hard time - soz.
Lloyd could tell I was sad so took me home after he finished listening to the coolest jazz ever.
Awake earlyish but failed to get up. Bad head. Bleh! So got the tube in for a change. Said bye to Lloyd at Holborn and then slipped quietly into work unnoticed. Chris back at work meant David was busy. Almost done with the new look and feel.
Slow day. Warren gave me rent though, which was cool. My Chris seems to be avoiding me and/or doing cockish things which he must know could hurt me. Which is odd as he was being all lovey dovey on the phone Monday, telling me how he missed me and how sexy I looked. Odd. “Chris, you sucking my cock is the greatest thrill I have ever felt” read his MSN name this morning. I was surprised by a) it not hurting me and b) my indifference. He’s also removed me from his MySpace top 8 friends. I’m now at the bottom of page 4. Tsk. Ah well, *he* dumped *me*, fuck it. It’s like talking to two different people sometimes...the rest of the time he’s going through the motions, like he’s not actually there. He told me he wants to see me but that he can’t right now. But that he wants to, like that’s meant to mean something. If I wanted to see someone I’d move heaven and earth to see them, full stop. Words mean nothing, actions are what count.
I guess the ball’s in his court. He knows where I am if he wants me, but to be honest, I can’t deal with him changing his mind over and over about what he wants any more.
Created a Myspace music account for ethos. Will attempt to finish writing stuff soon. Almost finished the (strange and bizarre) album I’m doing, just need to rerecord the vocals in a couple of places. I also need to borrow a guitarrist and a Mozza - still haven’t written out the sax part for him yet. Woops!
XXL Sat night. Possibly saunaing on Friday night with Warren too. Family on Sunday. Gonna book tickets to Leeds soon as Deev misses getting drunk with me in drag bars because DanLad is far too butch to go to them. Yeah right.
www.myspace.com/ethosuk - songs will appear as soon as their shonky streaming server catches up
And now, Season 2, episode 8 of Veronica Mars 