I might hate Autumn rain, but it’s pretty I suppose... Third time watching Serenity last night. Shiny. One of the reavers appears to be Joss. Plus there’s nice tidbits for anyone watching it a third time - things like River saying “They never lay down” right at the start. Chatted to a guy who goes by the name “Gossi the Dog” on the MT list briefly by email, as I’d seen him posting lots of stuff on Whedonesque over the last few days. So thought I’d say hello and sarcastically enquired as to whether or not he actually lived on Whedonesque, in my own inimitable way. Got the reply: /"Buhh, I live on forum.CantStopTheSignal.co.uk which I run for UIP. / “I met Joss Whedon the other day, and got drunk with him until the early hours. I rock.” That told me. Work went reasonably well - quite a bit done, but oddness ensuing just as hometime approached. Quelle suprise. No net @ home until Tuesday. *sulk* Short of money. Need to sort out letting agent. Can’t until I have money. Grr. James leaves for the States today. Am gonna miss him (though I’m guessing he’ll miss me and everyone else more). It’s tricky moving somewhere new when you only know one person there - it’s how it was when I moved to London. Talked to Justin a bit on the way back from the Genesis - I’ve been in London 9 years now - and he’s been here 10. I couldn’t remember last night how long it’d been. It feels at times like it was only yesterday that I was sat in the White Hart with only my phoneline to Owen keeping me safe. But also it feels like a lifetime away since I last walked up that hill to Berners’ Court and arrived home in my little flat in Norwich. So much has changed. I have money, possessions, a job, a career, a double chin and more responsibilities than you can shake a stick at. I feel so trapped. Sometimes I wish I could step back, take it all back and make new choices. Sometimes it feels like all I have to look forward to is death - what else is there left? Then I think about my aunt, my dying friends. They will go before their time. They have no choice. Some of them are drowning in it. Some of them are finding life anew. Death gives you the best reason to live - I *know* in my heart that everything will be ok but it doesn’t make getting there any easier. Did I do a bad thing? Did I make a bad choice? Are there such things? Every action has a complicated result, good and bad are two sides of choices. If we don’t know which face the coin will fall on then is what we do good or bad? Or just grey. As grey as the outside world today. God I hate Autumn rain.