Freakcity

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寿忽都Freakcity’s daddeh.

Scott’s blog

Musings on a world I am no longer sure about

There’s a wild man in my head....

Monday September 19th, 2005 at 9:35am

On a bus trying to make grafitti work after too much beer. So there may be typos. Not sure what to say other than I’m scared and hate the whole of life right now. I’m drowning in debt and don’t know what to do to make it right - I try but the immensity of my debt scares me right now. I am out of luck. I have always managed somehow to escape my problems but I think I’m about to hit rock bottom. I go out and feel fine and pretend it’s all ok but it’s not. I end up being sad and alone wherever I am and I don’t know what to do for the first time in my life. I want to help a friend but I can’t - I want to help myself but I can’t do that either, I feel my hands are tied. I need to be grounded but I don’t know how any more. I am burying things both financially and spiritually and I need to feel free again. I am fucked and I have no idea how to be unfucked. And no wish to ask for help fixing my own mistakes : ( Somehow I need a spare £700 next month. I’ve done all I can to gain as much spare as I can but it still won’t be enough. Sometimes I really hate life : (

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Ewwy

Monday September 19th, 2005 at 8:34am

Me splishy at Stiffkey camping (clicky)
Me splishy at Stiffkey camping
Still feeling rough. Shouldn’t have gone out Friday but fuck it. Retro and then ref : Danny’s theatre bar thing - too much champagne - odd arguments - chatted to keybuk too which was interesting. He didn’t tell me anything I wasn’t already aware of but told me more than most know about the coming thing and about me - so he either reads my blog or knows his stuff ; ) Feel hot & cold - need the loo constantly - feel the heat in my nose and back of throat - this all tells me not only am I still ill but that I’m still being made ill. Saturday I took Lloyd to the new flat to see what he thought - got confused by the fact someone was already in it. So that’s how I met Bill - the landlord’s handyman. Chatted about the two flats - he asked me to leave him a list of stuff I need and he’d make sure it got there ok. He told me he’d not be starting work on my flat for another week so I know just how much time I have to move things - rah! Left and went back to the bus stop, got on bus - forced off bus outside Wing’s buffet so Lloyd could buy me lunch. Yummy. Cor. According to the Metro, 7 people are in line for a complete face transplant! Lounged about online - chatted to some nice bloke’s boyfriend (I’m terrible) and then huggie and PoBK popped over and came to visit the new flat. So we wandered there by foot - discovered we were quite close to Jon (refugee) as we walked past his flat (apparently!). My new flat was greeted with much approval - helped by the view of the sun setting from the 5th floor balcony. Everyone seems agreed that it’s a grotty area, grotty looking building but nice inside. Took sunset piccies and flickr’d them. Went back home, lounged about online again and then found out that alamac and mozza were going to drive over and move stuff. We managed about half of one room before dying of boredom (well, filling up the cars anyways) and drove over. Got there at pub kicking out time and it was still lovely and quiet on the streets. This is either because looks are deceptive and it’s not that much of a bad area, or people know not to go out after 7pm because they’ll be shot. We’ll see...Warren’s first impression of the flat was good though too. Eventually got back to the old flat, ordered Pizza to say thanks to everyone. Ali and Tom ran off home and then promptly rearrived as Tom had worked out he’d left his laptop in the new flat. So lent him keys so he could grab it back again. Sunday we packed bits, I washed up bits, chatted online, watched some B5, watched another Carnivàle with Warren and buggered off to the new flat at about 11:30pm to leave my list of things. Going to pop there tonight with a duster I think and make sure all my stuff is shiny. I have enough there to write music, and figure that might be a good thing to do whilst I have no internet. Been planning my room and so far I think I have enough space for computer, music and bed. We’ll see ; ) Got home last night to find firemen outside putting out the downstairs bin. James was back too, with posh aftershave which he broke. Went to bed as I was knackered. Slept badly but woke up dead on 7:30. Noticed my Palm’s clock had gone squiffy again and have no idea why. Chatted briefly to Adam online, he was a bit sad but he’ll be ok I guess. Arranged to see him Thursday (if he remembers to turn up : P) and take him to visit the shiny new flat. Left for work and started my blog on the DLR which was diverted to Tower Gateway, so got the District Line which was broken due to “person under train” at Dagenham East (and frankly, can you blame them?). So 20 mins late for work. Bleh. Seeing Serenity tomorrow. Yay!

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