So...I wake up and discover the washer drier has decided not to dry stuff. At 5:30am. I put it back on again and go back to bed. Wake at 7 - washing finishes at 7:30, it’s still soaking wet. Grr. Yesterday I left the flat without my coat by accident. And it shat it down. James didn’t hear anything about his job interviews, I assume, so I firstly asked him if he wanted to do anything tonight, and he said no...I ask him if he’s ok - I know what it’s like waiting for agencies to get back to you, they never do when they say they’re gonna and it’s frustrating, and he replies with “why shouldn’t I be ok, just because I don’t want to do something with you” or words to that effect. It makes me angry how many assumptions he’s making about me and my life at the moment, when he really doesn’t have a clue what’s going on in it. It makes me angry that I can’t ask someone who I love how they are without them reading more into it and jumping to conclusions that aren’t true. And I’m worried about him as well as being angry...and there’s nothing I can really do except leave it and leave him to it. So already in a bad mood I leave work and get soaked. Arriving back home I do lots of work and go to bed. So I’m up at 7:30 with soaking wet work clothes and I need to leave for work at 8. Find some jeans, make sandwiches, find an old crappy tshirt and I’m out the door... Walk to the station, hop on the DLR and it promptly breaks down. Driver reboots it then drives us to Bank very very slowly...at around 7 miles an hour I’d guess...which is annoying. Get to work and I’m already thinking too much. Thinking about how upset I am about stuff. Thinking about what was wrong and ways it could be put right. Trying to stay angry because if I don’t then I’m going to go to peices. Yesterday I almost had a panic attack in the office. It was a very strange feeling - almost floaty, like my consciousness wouldn’t stay in my head...I’ve had them before, but managed to stay detatched from it and kinda observe it, but this one was much stronger and it freaked me a lot...I had to go out for a walk round the block. I’m not sure how much more stress I can manage at the moment, and I have no-one I can talk to about it - which is part of the reason for me writing this all down...it’s like therapy but cheaper... James has been absent from MSN all day...so I worry, again, probably for no reason because he does this sometimes...I just know how bad he was after he was rejected by an agency, how bad he might be if he’s rejected by two potential employers is anyone’s guess. I send him an email telling him we need to talk - still no reply. Frustrating day at work - I have a really strong pain in my left forearm and it hurts to type, the lead on the project was in meetings most of the day so I was left twiddling my thumbs with struts issues for huge chunks of time and it all went much slower than I wanted it to. Finished at about 6ish and came home to discover the people from the shop downstairs suspect my flat is leaking into their shop and have called the fire brigade and there are five firemen trying to break into my flat. I assure them that it’s *not* my flat, and they tell me that the people downstairs had told them it’d happened before because I left a tap on. The clothes in the washing machine are soaked through and there’s still (for some unknown reason) lots of water in the drum, some of which was still on the floor from where I’d taken the trousers out that morning, so the firemen drag the washing machine out and look behind it, and they can’t see any leaks there either...so I send ’em packing. I have lots of work to do but I am angry and I can’t concentrate. I don’t know what to do. I am amazed I got through the day without breaking down and now I just feel dead inside. It took me ten years to get over Mark...how the fuck am I going to cope if I have to do that all over again? I am going to do the only thing I can do I think.<