after years of feeling meh and stuff... and doing naughty stuff which i regret.. and feel even more meh about i’ve finally done something about it... went to the doc week before last and got some happy pills... they haven’t kicked in yet but i’m still suffering from the side effects... some are bearable others not.. like being uberhorny and not being able to cum.. grr i worked out when i’m happy (busy.. pissed or with "someone") i’m on top of the world.. when i’m not i’m meh... and i’m not doing “fun” stuff anymore... it just doesn’t interest me.. some of it seems like a chore when i actually do it... maybe i’ve run out of things to do..? other bits are slowly getting better... well i’ll be able to look for jobs and stuff in a few months... i spoke to a supplier i get on with very well in amsterdam and talked about future career options... have to go and see the doc again on tuesday... am temped to open up a bit.. but i doubt he’d understand gay.. how fab it feels to have strangers cum up your bottom when you’re meh.. and stuff like that... have spoken to a few peeps about it.. but it’s kinda hard to talk on msn.. and i’m crap at talking in person... will see....