Its not right, well i dont feel right, not done for the last month or so, everything is falling apart and theres not much i can do to fix it, I have reached a point where i feel that nothing i can do will change anything, I cant sell my Flat, I cant afford to move to London if i dont sell my flat, my health is down the pan and to top it my tooth has collapsed and may need to be removed or something, so more cost there i can do without. To be honest the only thing keeping me going is work, god knows why but it does.... :/ So i have reached the point where i need to do something, i have no willpower or i would Join a Gym, see the dentist regularly, educate myself so i can improve but for some stupid reason i cannot, maybe its a mental condition? maybe im bone idle? The last week of hardly sleeping has made me sit in bed, read books, think and I need to do something or i may get silly and do something everyone regrets. I mean i have considered it which is worrying in the first place. I guess the lack of someone else to sit down and talk things through is starting to take its toll, but its all my own fault (see first paragraph ;P ) I am going to the dentist tommorrow which i know is going to be scary and expensive, i guess when your 13 and have a filling done with no injection or care because the woman dentist was like a school headmistress can affect you mentally. I have a holiday in Germany to look forward to with Matt but when i come back it will all be the same, same flat, same sad existance etc. I cried last night as well, i was sat at home on the sofa watching tele and thinking and just started crying, there was only myself there and i was in tears. Im a mess, grade A fucking mess.