TJ Still feel very wobbly. Still wish things were different. Still just wish I could forget the hurt and just fall asleep in his arms. Life sucks... I’ve just had to come to some very hard decisions. And although it hurts, I do feel better about it. Possibly because it gives me a little more control over my life. I just feel like I’ve fucked up my one chance of happiness...but I guess deep down I know he can’t be what I want him to be...so all I can do is move on... Class headline of the day is courtesy of The Metro: “Gay Jesus could halt Jerry switch” Apparently because mad USians object to the “gay Jesus in a nappy” in Jerry Springer, the Opera, so they are objecting to its move to Broadway...Madness! Barbecue! On Saturday I got up in time to hear the front door click shut behind Gaz and Deev. My head hurt lots. A theme that was to continue throughout the day. Bastards Pottered about a bit online. I had stayed up until about 5am talking c2c to Adam (space_chicken) whilst a bit drunk. Must have looked a state! He was invited, along with Roger...found mogwai online and a) sniggered at his commercial profile and b) invited him too...chatted some to Roger who was aware he was going out somewhere with Adam but not that it was to mine. *giggle* - got told off by Phil (trouble) for not inviting him, so invited him early so we could use his car for the transport of goods - invited Mike (filthyandgorgeous) and Laura (laurs_bobbins) who said they’d let me know...Decided at about 1pm that I really wouldn’t manage it without some more sleep and so set the alarm for Phil at 4 and toodled off to bed. Woken at 3 by an unexpected mogs, stuffed him in front of Matrix Revolutions whilst I washed up some and fed him cups of tea. My tea is allegedly legendary Either that or mogs is a bit of a creep...*grin* Phil arrived at 4pm, asked who the child on the sofa was...but mogs got his revenge later We wandered off to Sainsburys in Phil’s small tank and bought enough food and beer to feed a frew hundred. Came back and watched the rest of Matrix, Ollie (olliecook) arrived, then Mike with Laura and pink wine - plugged Mike into my camera which kept him amused for hours - then others started arriving and I fired up the barbecue and started cooking as Owen was moaning about being hungry...it looked like it was gonna rain for most of the afternoon, but slowly got warmer and a bit brighter too. Made everyone smoke outside. I am so evil Lots of people were there...it was great fun! Tho there were a few hiccups, Mike and Phil having a fight ended up with Mike in casualty needing stitches, and I thought I was gonna have to tie Danny up at one point, but hey... Got a really lovely text message from Chris saying he was looking forward to seeing me at XXL, but I didn’t make it there as Phil took Mike to hospital - sent him a text saying I was sorry...but not heard from him since, really hope he’s not pissed off with me - I shall phone him tonight if he’s not online today... Got to bed at about 4am - Danny was passed out on the floor and Ollie and TJ were being dirty on the other bit of the floor. Scary stuff. Left Danny’s coat somewhere he’d find it easy just in case he woke up and needed to run away Flopped about for some of Sunday...played online...very happy with having enough computers for everyone. Considering converting my livingroom into a cybercafe for kicks... Wandered out and did photos for TJ - it was sunny and gorgeous and I love docklands at the best of times, and it was fun too. Was trying to make TJ look like TJ, as opposed to how he looks in all his other pics...was very happy with a couple of them We were looking around at places to live and stuff...worked out that between us we could afford somewhere gorgeous in Docklands - not that we’re likely to righ